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Long distance relationships- the little things

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
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    Bumble bee
    LovestheBear    July 2011  

    It's hard not to get caught up in the negatives when you are in a long distance relationship.  There are times when I've been bitter about our separation and needed to vent, so I try (in vain) to pick fights with my SO because I can't very well pick a fight with the economy, the army, my family's values, or any of the other actual causes of the distance between us.  And sometimes, its the little things that I miss.  

    Tonight is one of those nights.  I'm feeling like garbage and my body aches, I run home from work, throw on my snuggliest sweats and grab the remote.  There's nothing in the world I want more than for my SO to walk in with some ice cream for us to share, give me a kiss on the forehead and plop himself down on the couch with me.  

    Anyone else with me?? What are some little things you miss in your long distance relationship? 

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    Busy bee
    beesknees    04.19.08   Florida

    scootch over on the couch and make room for me.

    Things I miss a lot are really simple; my SO always dims the lights in our apt at night time at just the right time- makes it super cozy.  Plus he's always tidying up the kitchen.  

    I miss watching good tv together and laughing (30 rock alone is not as fun)

    I miss night time before we drift off to sleep snuggles.  and of course like you, surprise ice cream treats.

    He comes home tomorrow for the weekend. I can't wait- which reminds i need to tidy up this place- he's the neat one, i'm the messy one.   :) 

     
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    Buzzing bee
    JoesWifey    May 24, 2009   NYC/Wedding in Indiana

    My heart and hugs go out to all of you in a long distance relationship. My fiance and I did it for 4 years and I know how much it sucks! We'd never get more than a week or so together, (until the last year) and finally we couldn't take it and I moved in with him. The little things are the best things, but, once you are together (in person!) forever, you won't take them for granted!

     
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    Lillindy    September 2008   Bay Area, CA

    We aren't in a long distane relationship, but my hubby isn't home every night because of his job (he's a firefighter) and there are some days where all you want is for the two of you to hide under the covers together.  I also just miss feeling him next to me as I drift off to sleep.

     
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    Beekeeper
    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    I miss his stupid little comments. I talk to my cats, and he'll chime in dumb things when I don't realize he's listening, like "that's what she said" or poke me when I'm watching TV real intensely. Or he'll catch me checking myself out in the mirror and come up and scare me. Or get me a glass of water b/c i'm too flippin' lazy to get it myself. Or get a slice of cheese out of the fridge and always grab me one, despite the *diet* i'm on. Mmm cheese

    You'll never take your time together for granted, that's for sure. My FI bought me a surprise plane ticket to come see him this weekend. We were doing a 6-week stint, and I get to see him next next weekend anyways, but for a $250 ticket, he just figured he'd buy some time with me =]. I'm pretty excited even though I have to go to work at 6am tomrorow, booo!!!!

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    ilovenycmissie    September 2009   nyc

    yeah we've been long-distance for the whole two years of being with each other so our engagement is short 5 months; it's hard when he visits me and then he has to leave me I feel like there's something wrong with the pictiure; I just miss having him around me as I get used to him then going back to single girl when he leaves, miss his little endearments, miss his hugs and signs of affection, kind of why we're gettng married, the missing became unbearable; it's especially hard when I had a bad day at work or he had, wish I could have a hug from him, he'll comfort me on skype but not quite the same, hang in there ladies, soon we'll be with the ones we love aw... 

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    MightySapphire      

    Being the deployed one I can TOTALLY feel your pain!  We are always apart it seems.  We started dating, I deployed for 8 months.  I come back for a month.  Then I'm deployed again for 10 months.  Then I'm back for two glorious months of leave!!  Then I'm deployed again for seven months...*sigh!*  I can't wait to get to shore duty!!  I hate being gone literally all the time.  But I miss his snuggles.  I miss him kissing me every time he walks past me (seriously, every time!).  I miss hearing him say good night in my ear.  I miss midnight pajama runs to Taco Bell, or pajama runs to the 24 hour Walmart because we're bored.  I miss walking the dog together, and going to the dog park and seeing him go all "Cesar Milan" on the other dogs.    I miss a lot, but we talk every day (I'm SO BLESSED!) and I'll be coming home soon to finish planning the wedding (and to put him to work on the programs and a million other projects that I don't have time to do!).

    BTW, you picking fights with him is a security mechanism.  They counsel deployed spouses all the time about it.  Basically you pick a fight (subconsciously) so that you'll be mad at him, because it's easier to be apart when you're mad at him, and you won't miss him as much.  Everyone does it, you're not alone!  Just try to be aware of it, and apologize when you realize it wasn't really about (xyz).  He'll understand!

     
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    Sugar bee
    Tanya123      

    We went through it too.  It's the pits. I would be so jealous of the couples that were actually in the same city....  But we had the best phone conversations.   Eve nthrough the long distancething is behind us, I'm with Lillindy. I can't stand it if he's not home for a night.  (I miss my bed buddy.)

     
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    Worker bee
    VanCaster    November 11, 2011   La Crosse, WI

    My faince and I spent over year seeing eachother for the weekend every 6 weeks or so.  We got so tired of 12 hour car rides and buying plan tickets and using all our cell phone minutes talking on the phone til 3 am,  that we decided enought was enough last May and we started looking for jobs near eachother. I found one before he did and ta da, I live in Wisconsin now. I am pretty glad we got fed up with the long distance thing. I do miss the excitement that I felt when I saw him running through the airport and scooping me up, or when I saw the sign that said Chicago Exit, but nothing compares to eating dinner together every night and sleeping next to eachother, and not having to leave on Sunday morning and crying on the plane the whole way back to Ohio. The hardest thing about long distance is the waiting and anticipation....it can make one a very patient person tho.

    Hang in there Long Distancers, it will be better.

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    blightygirl      

    I miss his presence, does that make sense?

    It's been three months since I last saw my FH...I miss sitting on the couch doing nothing.  I miss being able to snuggle up to him when I'm cold.  I miss holding hands.  I miss a lot of things.

    I know it'll be better for all of us long-distance relationship couples, but it's still sad.  Talking on the phone is nothing compared to being with your FH.  =(

    At least I get to see mine in 2 weeks.  Yay!

     
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    Bumble bee
    ilovenycmissie    September 2009   nyc

    yeah I see my fiance in 3 weeks yay!nice to travel to europe, just hate the distance, we see each other every 2 to 3 months, he lives in liverpool I live in ny

     

    he's taking me to the london eye and see a broadway show on my birthday; it's great we get to travel, but I'd rather have him within 1 mile of me; short-distance relationship people dont realize their blessings

     
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    Blushing bee
    CellarDoor    July 30, 2009  

    Sigh. I miss everything.

    We met at a conference, so it was long-distance from the start. I know we're lucky to be able to see each other for one to three weeks every other monthish - I know some people go ages between seeing each other - but sometimes I miss him so much it aches. I never realized before how much I need to be touched: just a hand on my cheek or a quick squeeze before he runs out the door... I need it. 

    Luckily... it's almost over. I'm going to visit him next week, then he'll be here in June and that's it! We were really fortunate to be flexible enough to eliminate the long-distance aspect of our relationship - it's a hard, hard road. If he were anyone else, I would NOT have done it.

     
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    Blushing bee
    peaches_skittles    April 24, 2010  

    I've had to deal with a long distance relationship for at least the past FOUR YEARS!  Things I've missed are many and a long list.

    Initially we used to write letters more often (in the first year).  But we could talk on the phone.  He isn't good at writing long emails, so normally I'm just used to short ones.

    But I really miss the things like going on our adventures for the weekend, like mountain biking, camping, making our meals together (creating random meals or trying to make something out of a cookbook).  I also miss hanging out with his friends and doing those activities.  I miss just curling up next to my fiance on the couch and watching a movie.

     
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    Busy bee
    Miss Marine    September 3, 2011   Redlands, CA

    @MightySapphire  I'm currently deployed too! It's sooo hard being away! This is my third time over here in Iraq and I feel like it never gets any easier. Do you ever get the feeling that everyone else's life (including your FH's) is on fast forward- meanwhile your enitre life is on "pause"? I find myself picking fights with my guy because he's enjoying life and I'm stuck here! He got a cat the other day and I about flipped my lid! I know it was completley irrational, but I was so upset that he got a cat and didn't even think to ask me how I would feel about a cat laying on my clothes and clawing up my furniture! Long distance relationships- the little things :  wedding long distance relationship advice rants Icon Mad 

    Despite my complaints above- I am head over heels in love with my Mr. and I can't WAIT to get home and start our married lives together~! I miss his cold feet touching me under the covers, and I miss that when I get something for myself in the kitchen and offer to get some for him, he refuses but as soon as I sit down he takes mine! lolLong distance relationships- the little things :  wedding long distance relationship advice rants Icon Biggrin

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    Busy bee
    Miss Marine    September 3, 2011   Redlands, CA

    Oh one more thing! Do any of you long distancers have issues with the time differences between your location and your significant other?  My current time here is 12:11 PM and my Mr. is 2:11 AM- (-10hours!) so we're operating at opposite times of day! It's sooooo hard!

     
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    Bumble bee
    LovestheBear    July 2011  

    When our relationship started he was in Iraq, so time was a big deal then.  I would get home from work really late (like 2 or 3 am, back in my bartending days) and the first thing I would do is RUN to my computer to check my email.  As much as I wished we could sit and talk it was nice to have something to look forward to. 

    There was only an hour difference when he was in Texas and now he's in NC.  So time difference is one less thing we have to factor into our relationship.  But time in general, is still tricky--lots of phone calls at odd hours.

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    ThePhotoBride    June 19, 2010   NC

    Some of these posts made me want to cry.

    My husband and I are nearing the halfway point of a year-long deployment.  I go for long periods of time where I generally feel okay, but then I break down four a couple of days and I feel like I can't take it anymore.  What do I miss?  EVERYTHING.  I've come to both love and hate the phone.  I love it because it gives me a little piece of him every day.  I hate it because that's all we have.  I miss doing absolutely nothing...together.  I miss his companionship.  He's not just my husband, he's my best friend.  Everywhere I go, everything I do, it just feels like I'm going through the motions.  Kind of like an empty shell.  Especially when I'm driving alone.  The music's on, I see the other cars as I pass them by, but I'm totally engulfed in my own loneliness.

    Sorry...it's been a rough couple of days.  :(

     
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    Helper bee
    mizunoheaven    June 2009   Oregon/Kuwait/wedding in Australia

    ThePhotoBride -

    I am sorry you are having such a difficult time.

    I can understand a bit, not entirely, but I've got a whole year before FH comes home for good. It is frustrating to say the least. But at the same time I am so happy to know I get to spend the rest of my life with him, that makes it all just a little more sweet.

     I used to send care packages. I mean, I still send them, but not as elaborate. But now that I feel bad about this I'll have to think something up.

    I once took 24 or so of those plastic easter eggs and stuffed them with messages, redeemable love coupons, a taillight from my volvo, etc. I only worked on a few each night. I would take like 2 or 3 weeks putting it together, it was 10 days to get to Iraq and then he was only allowed to open one egg at a time for the next 24 days. That pretty much passed 2 months. And then I'd do another with different things, even once mailing toilet paper because he complained about the TP in a blog post. I also sent special soap because he said they only got Safeguard and Zest. You can get pretty crafty. I even painted a box for him to place letters in that he'd been collecting over the last 4 years in the desert, letters a friend of 20 years had sent him. He even added a few of my letters :) 

    Maybe you could build a scrapbook of your daily life. Clip things you read, fortune cookie tags, a broken shoelace from the running shoes.

    Just ideas.

    Sending lots of hugs.

    He wants to see you as much as you want to see him.

     
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    Bumble bee
    Chantellamus    October 15, 2009  

    The biggest thing was we LOVE going to movies and just loved staying in and cuddling on the couch! when he wassnt around I had no one to go to movies with or to cuddle! sigh!

     
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    Bumble bee
    MrsK2be    November 15, 2008   Ohio

    I completely understand how you feel!  DH and I were long distance for 5 years!!!  IT was SO hard - but here is the good news:

    You will NEVER, I repeat, NEVER take it for granted.  Of course we all appreciate the grand gestures but YOU  will appreciate the smallest of things and they will make you so happy for many years to come.  My husband and I came out of our long distance time stronger, better and more dedicated to preserving the "little things"  - you will too!!

    The sadness for me is that in order to get the job that I want, we have to separate again for a while - and we've only been married for 6 months!!  

     
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    Honey
    Beekeeper
    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    I totally agree with MrsK2Be. Is it me, or does this just add extra assurance to your relationship that you think you'd actually end up lacking in a "regular" relationship?

    Any time apart for something like this sucks in general. There's always perpsective, and the grass is always greener on the other side, haha.

     

    Miss marine--we were on complete opposite ends for time, too! it was frustrating. I stayed up late and he got up early so we could talk. Sometimes we just couldn't do it every day b/c it was soooo exhausting. We emailed a lot though. And yahoo messenger was a good trick for us. I liked talking to him before school, and at night when i was studying and he was just getting up even if it was just 5 minutes here and there.  

     
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    Opus    December 23, 2011  

    What I miss most are phone calls. For most of our relationship, my fiance has been in Asia and the middle east working. Currently, he's 11 hours ahead of my time. Even with our crazy schedules, we find a way to chat every day, and video chat whenever we can (we both have slow internet connections at home, so doesn't always work), but I still miss being able to call him on the phone to just say hi.

    I also miss cooking for two, cozy nights on the couch and talking in the car. 

     
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    Blushing bee
    kurlynut    September 2009   Los Angeles, CA

    Reading all of your comments, just made me sad.  My FI and I have been long distance since we met.  I am thankful for it because I've learned so much about myself and we have excellent communication skills.  Currently, he is deployed.  I love how he just wants to be at my side doing nothing when we get to see each other.  The one thing that I hate about being long distance is when we I have events to attend (i.e., weddings, family events, etc.) and I have to go alone.  He will soon return home and he will finally be deployed 3 hours south of, of course I plan to move to be with him. So much better then living 3000 miles apart.  I cant wait to see him pull in on his sub *sigh* soon, very soon  I know when that times comes, all of this waiting will be well worth it and no more long distance (I Hope)

     

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