Long distance woes (kind of long)

posted 3 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
4879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I don’t think you’re being too sensitive at all.  I don’t know how you can develop true intimacy with so little communication over 12 yrs.

You don’t have to rush into marriage.  If you’ve let him know that you need more communication & he’s failing to give it to you, well, that tells you a lot, doesn’t it?

Post # 4
24457 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

When you are LDR, communication is very important. If he wants to move near you, I think he should live in his own place for a while so you can see how the relationship goes when you are closer to determine if you want to marry this man.

Post # 7
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

No matter how busy someone is, they can find 5 minutes at some point each day to call, IMO.  when he moves there, live together or apart for 4-5 months (or longer) and see how things are going before you get married. This will, give you a chance to see if there are other issuse that you haven’t had the opportunity to learn about yet.  

Post # 8
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

7-10 days is really sketch in the communication department. And I say that as someone who doesn’t require constant communication. How often did you see each other? Were you seeing each other all weekend every weekend or once a month?

Post # 9
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Even with out the communication issues, getting married to someone when you have not lived in the same area for your adult lives is at best hard.  You have no idea what they are like on a daily basis.  My FI and I spent the first year long distance, and did talk almost every day.  When he moved back, we talked about moving in together, but decided not to, as we needed to find out what we were like together in the same city prior to finding what living together would be like. 

Post # 10
453 posts
Helper bee

@Disneygirl54:  When DH (then SO) and I were apart for 5 months (job related) we couldn’t talk enough. We texted emailed and phoned constantly. I looked at my phone usage for those months, I sent like 10,000+ texts!! I think there should def be a lot more communication. I mean, doesn’t he WANT to talk to you? See how your day is going? What’s going on at work? What you’re having for lunch? Those are the mundane things that you talk about when you’re married…so it seems strange that he doesn’t want to be a part of your every day life, yet wants to elope.

I think I’d give it some more time. 

Post # 11
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Disneygirl54:  uhhh how are you going to be married when he only wants to talk to you three times a month?

Post # 12
515 posts
Busy bee

@Disneygirl54:  I don’t think you are being sensitive. I am in a LDR too and we BOTH make an effort to see each other evry other week. And on top of that, we text through the day and have skype dates at night. I would be wary about getting married so soon until you have a chance t discuss what you both want out of a relationship. LDR’s are difficult, and unless both parties are willing to do what it takes, they don’t always last. And the fact that you have broken up before over his communications issues and he still hasn’t gotten it raises a huge red flag for me. I’m soooooo sorry you are going through this! Hugs to you!

Post # 13
515 posts
Busy bee

@Disneygirl54:  and also, both of us are in school (me in graduate school and he is finishing his BA and applying to law school) and we STILL make time to talk. We both have jobs on top of that. There is no excuse to not at least text your SO sometime during the day.

Post # 14
442 posts
Helper bee

Hell, I’m not long distance and if we go more than a day and a half without any contact I’m not happy! If he can’t make a compromise (which really isn’t a compromise because 5 seconds of his day loses him nothing) to communicate with you when it’s clearly important for you, then you should rethink this. I’m sure he loves you, but he is not making you a priority in his life which is a problem.

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