Post # 1
Hi, ladies! I just got engaged last week and I couldn’t be happier! The only problem is the length of our engagement. My fiancé and I are nineteen and freshmen in college. Our parents are happy about and supportive of our engagement, but they’re making us wait until we graduate to get married, which means not getting married until 2016. I know that legally we could get married without their permission, but we’re close to our parents and we want to respect their wishes. Not only that, but we wouldn’t be able to afford a wedding or support ourselves yet, and three years would give us time to save for a wedding and a house. I know that we’re being smart by finishing school first, but it’s frustrating. I’ve even been told that our engagement isn’t real because it’s so long. We would get married sooner if we could, but we can’t. I know that it will be worth the wait, but I’m impatient!
Anyway, is anyone having or has anyone had a long engagement? What’s your advice on long engagements?
Post # 3
I know people who have had engagements for that long. I know a couple at my school who got engaged freshmen year and are getting married after graduation. It’s just about being committed to each other, saving money, etc. while you’re at school. It will be fine. 🙂
Post # 4
It does not make you’re engagement less real just because it’s long. That’s ridiculous. I think it shows great maturity and smart-thinking to wait, since you are so young.
Post # 5
Whoever said your engagement wasn’t real because it was long is wrong! I understand that you want to respect your parents wishes, but they should also realize you two are adults, they cant tell you what to do anymore. They have to stop seeing you as the child they have to guide to make the right choices, and more as the adult who makes her own decisions. If you and your fiance want to get married sooner you should; and if you don’t have a lot of money, have a small DIY wedding.
Post # 6
@GreenSkittle: If it were up to me we would have had a 3 to 4 year engagement. Our engagement will be 25 months, there’s nothing wring with holding off on getting married.
Post # 7
It souonds like you guys have very smart (and supportive) parents. Listen to them! They have both of your best interests at heart.
Having a longer engagement can suck, but it can also be a good thing. Like you said, this gives you guys the chance to save up some money throughout college. Just make sure that you guys are actually saving money and not blowing it completely (I know people who have done that in college). Come up with a savings plan of action now so that, when you graduate, you guys will have enough to at least have a small wedding and money for rent. Houses are really expensive, especially if you don’t do a 20% down payment (a lot of lenders will force you to take out additionally insurance until you’ve paid off 20% of the price).
Waiting to get married will be a good test for how you guys will actually handle marriage, especially because you’re in college right now. You guys are no less committed to one another because of a long engagement and whoever said that is just a cotton headed ninny muggins.
Post # 8
You’ll be thankful you had to much time to prepare and save, just wait it out 🙂
Post # 9
@LoggerHead91207: From now on, we’re putting aside a percentage of each of our paychecks for the wedding and living expenses. Our parents said they would contribute, but they haven’t said how much, so any money we don’t spend on car insurance, gas, food, etc. will go toward our future!
Post # 10
@GreenSkittle: Perfect! Just do the best you guys can. And remember that it is ok to go out and spend some money once in a while. You may be engaged, but you should still take full advantage of your college experiences.
Post # 11
We got engaged in June (2012) and are getting married in April 2014. Around here, that’s a long engagement. My mom actually made a joke that there are probably members of my family who will meet someone, get engaged and get married before our wedding date comes. Oh well. Blame my brother, and planning around when he can get time off work to visit from Hong Kong :s
Anyhow, I’m LOVING the long engagement because I did a whole heap of planning over the summer, so I locked into 2012 rates for my 2014 wedding. That was my genius plan! Book as much as I could before the year ended so that when rates go up (which they will), I’ll already have a contract and will be immune. Also, this way we just save money monthly and pay things as they come. People keep asking me what my budget is. We don’t have one. If we want something, we figure out a way to save up for it. We *are* being budget-friendly, but we don’t have anything set. I don’t want to be one of those people who is like “aww.. I can’t have a photo booth because I only budgeted X for photos and that goes over”. More money can always be saved.
My parents are giving us some money too, but we’re saving it for a down payment for a house. This way we won’t be in debt from the wedding, AND we’ll have $10,000 towards a house (+wedding gifts) at the end of it. huzzah!
Post # 12
FI and I got engaged on July 1st, 2011. Bahahaha. Longest engagement ever. But we have been/are actively planning, and I kind of like being excessively leisurely with things. We’re marrying in 2015 because he will have been out of school and working full time for two years, and I’ll be finished my second degree.
It’s really important to us to have a lot of money saved up. We actually want to buy a house straight out (not a condo) and housing isn’t cheap here, so we’re planning on making a large downpayment.
Honestly, I think people who think long engagements are not real/inappropriate in length need to realize that it’s quite frankly none of their business. To me, being engaged a long time is fine – at this point, we’ve been together for almost 6.5 years, and these years being engaged have felt so so short. We’re both 22, and we don’t feel overly rushed. And I like that the world knows I am going to marry this man. We have chosen things like wedding colours, ties, the church, the type of wedding, the reception venue. We go through wedding!phases and phases where we don’t want to think about it all the time (and because of the time we have, we don’t have to!).
Kudos to you for waiting. I think that you’ll be really pleased when you’re super set for the future. Hopefully, it’ll also serve to relieve stress within your future marriage because you won’t have to worry about money as much. 🙂
Post # 13
You just wrote my life story lol. But we’re a year ahead of you, I found that if someone asks why we’re having a long engagement my response is “why does it matter to you?” Most of the time it stops them their tracks, if that doesn’t work I say that we decided we wanted to be married therefore got engaged and once we looked at our finances we realised that it would be much smarter to marry after we graduated so that we could have time save money and focus on preparing for our future which includes focusing on our school work. We don’t want to start our marriage with the extra stress of money and school. This is your choice and don’t let anyone make you change your mind. It’s going to be tough but you will get through it and it will be so worth it in the end. PM me anytime, I’ve been answering these questions for 6 months now.
Post # 14
Hubby and I got engaged in December 2007 and married in August 2012. Yes, ours was a long engagement, but I wanted to wait until my daughter was through with school before getting married. I think getting engaged shows a higher level of commitment, whether it be long or short. Don’t let anyone rain on your happiness!
Post # 15
Honestly, just ignore everybody who has something negative to say to you. Your relationship is your business and nobody else’s (well, with the exception of your parents, because they are involved in your life). Someone will always have something to say about anything.
Fi and I met when we were 18/19 and we knew that one day we would get married. He was still in college when he proposed (I had just graduated) and then all of a sudden it was like our relationship was everyone’s business. Some of his family thought he was too young too propose, everyone else wanted to know when we were going to get married, all my friends wanted to know when we were going to get married ….. even strangers we met wanted to know when we would get married and rudely invited themselves to our wedding!
Initially we thought that we might have a long engagement, 2-3 years, because Fi still had to finish school and we needed to save up for a wedding. And when it was 2-3 years, people were telling us that we shouldn’t wait that long, that we should just have a small wedding instead of the wedding we wanted because long engagements usually end in couples breaking up. But we realized that we really weren’t ready to actually be married yet. It didn’t mean that we loved each other less, but the reality of the real world was not how we imagined it. It wasn’t that easy to get a job, I ended up going back to school, Fi ended up relocating halfway across the country so we spent a lot of time in long distance … etc … We were barely able to save up anything, much less the wedding we had dreamed of, and a down payment on a house. There are a lot of things we realized we want to do while we’re young, and yes we could just have a city hall marriage and do those things while legally married. But we don’t want to have children until we’re financially stable/we’re 30 and when we got engaged, we also faced a lot of pressure to quickly get married and start the babymaking. So we haven’t really set a date, but it’s looking like somewhere from 2015-2017, which means it’ll be anywhere from a 4 year engagement to a 6 year engagement.
It may be difficult to wait, but you’re both very young, and it’s a great time to grow and figure out the things that you want to do. Just because you’re not legally married doesn’t mean that you aren’t married in your hearts. It doesn’t change anything about the way you love each other, or anything about your relationship (well except for the taxes =D )