Wedding feels like a fantasy. Long engagement sucks.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 5
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Your engagement is about as long as mine, we got engaged last March for wedding this October= 19 months. It does feel like a really long time in the beginning but it starts to speed by. I look at it this way- you can take your time on everything. You can also save money- for instance we booked our photos at 16 months out and saved about $500. Same with venue. Prices go up every year really, and we booked our 2014 wedding at 2013 prices. 

Post # 6
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

We got engaged in September and are marrying next April. Sometimes it stinks, but a few things have to fall into place for us first, and that unfortuantely takes time. We’ll get there though

Post # 7
2701 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Creiddylad:  We had a 2 plus year engagement and the time just flew by. Getting manipulated about your venue doesn’t have anything to do with the length of time, people who want to manipulate will do it any time they can.

Post # 8
27 posts

I’m in the same boat as you. We got engaged in November and our date is May 2015. I wanted to have the wedding in September 2014 but the venue I’m set on was booked solid for 2014. We’ve already booked the photographer, venue, and I’ve already got my dress so things are moving along but now it’s over a year away and I feel like there’s nothing else to do at this point. It does kind of suck waiting but we couldn’t afford to pay for it right now anyway. 



Post # 9
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’ve been engaged for over 2 years now and being married in October. At first it was a very bitter feeling because I couldn’t actually do anything for the wedding – once you get the wedding planning out of your mind (it can be hard) then the time will just fly by!

Post # 10
2358 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

i hear you. i had a 19 month engagement. it was about 9 months too many. heres the little things i learned that might help u deal with the time as it passes.

~ u r right that the long time period will give you plenty of time to make the right decisions. this is exactly true. i changed my mind on my bouquet, my colors, my decor choices, all that stuff because honestly, after looking at pictures of what i had chosen for so long, i grew to hate them, so i had time to change my mind and make selections i knew i wouldnt grow to regret.

~ what i found was that most of my wedding planning happened in the first few months and the last few weeks. there was a huuuuuuuge long gap in the middle where i couldnt really make any progress. once i got things reserved in the beginning like photography, venue, planner, things like that that needed to be reserved right away and deposits paid, then it was a looooong ass time before i could make solid decisions finalized and pay off the contracts. so, try to remember that you may feel like ur spinning ur wheels in the middle of your engagement.

~ dont expect to get all of your rsvp’s back anytime before the deadline you set. you may get frustrated over not knowing how many guests u will have, which will effect the budget u have for food, alcohol, tables/chairs, centerpieces, flowers, etc. its just the way it is with wedding planning.

~ it WILL eventually get here. and the big day will zoom by so much faster than 18 months will. just TRY to relax and enjoy the day once it does come because it will feel like 5 minutes in comparison to 500 and something days that you muddled through before it. time will have this weird way of flying by, and creeping at the slowest pace imaginable at the same time.

~ when u get stressed and frustrated to the max and think there has never been such a crazed unreasonable intolerable bride, just know ur r NOT being anything but a typical bride. i say, congrats, ur normal!

Post # 11
1840 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m in the middle of a 2.5 year engagement. The first year FLEW by. It will for you, too.


Post # 12
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

TBH, if you really want to speed things up, then just keep it simple, invite your parents up to a nice B&B in Vermont for the weekend, and get married.  That way, it doesn’t interfere with school, cost much, or involve a great deal of drama.  We ended up pushing our wedding back 17 months for both family and school reasons, and sometimes I just wish I had invited our immediate families to go to the local courthouse with us followed by a nice dinner, and called it a day.

Also, I live in New England as well, and spring, i.e. ‘mud season’ isn’t that nice of a time of year.  Could you possibly book an autumn venue?  It will be cool, but Vermont is spectacular that time of year.

Post # 13
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I hardly think it’s fair to say your parents are manipulating you over venue choice. If they are contributing financially, they have a say in the matter. If you don’t like their opinion, don’t accept their money.

Otherwise, yes, a long engagement would be frustrating. But, as other posters have pointed out, you probably have lots of choices still available. I was rather limited in mine. Enjoy the process, it will be here before you know it!

Post # 14
2051 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Creiddylad:  we are having a 23 month engagement and because we were so busy with other major changes going on in our lives, we didn’t do any planning for the first 6 months. i know how it feels to have it all feel like a dream that isn’t really happening yet, but in a way, isn’t that kind of great? I loved looking at venues because at the time we could have had any kind of wedding we wanted. So many options were open to us to make our day what we wanted it to be. Once we chose the venue, then the excitement of seeing the day come together started. I know you have a frustrating venue situation at the moment but trust me, those 18 months will fly by. We seem to have gone from 9 to 5 months in the blink of an eye. Hang in there, it will get better! 🙂

Post # 15
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Creiddylad:  Hey, it’s going to be okay!  I promise!

With that said…

– Choose a venue.  Choose a venue YOU like and where YOU envision yourself getting married.  Is it the venue your parents want?  If so, great!  If it’s not, oh well.  They’ll cope.  

– Start looking at dresses and/or start sewing your dress.  If you’re sewing a WHOLE wedding dress (wow!!!), you’re going to *want* a year and a half to do it.  Don’t worry about changing your mind…many brides go through “dress regret” or second-guessing, but at SOME point you’re going to have to choose a dress, and the chances are that a dress you like now will be a dress you also like next May.

– A year and a half really isn’t that far off.  I know it FEELS far.  My FI and I are having a year-long engagement and sometimes I wish the day was here already…but other times I’m so glad it’s not here yet.  You have a lot of planning to do and now you can take your time with it.  Enjoy it!

– Your wedding won’t feel like a fantasy once you start planning.  As soon as you have a venue picked out, start thinking about catering, flowers, entertainment (DJ? band? etc), centerpieces….you get the idea.  Your wedding IS a fantasy right now because you don’t have a venue; once you have a venue the rest will start to fall into place.

– In a year and a half you’re going to be marrying the love of your life.  Think about how special that is.  Don’t let your parents or friends or anyone else get you down.  They all have ideas of what *they* think is right, but ultimately this is about you and the man you’re marrying.  What is right for the two of you is all that matters.

BTW, as someone who also has had a somewhat long engagement, there were definitely times that I asked myself, “Why did we decide to wait so long?  There’s nothing left to do.  This sucks.  I just want to be married.”  And now I’m two months out and I’m marveling at how quickly the time went…and honestly, how much better prepared I am to be married.  This engagement time has been truly wonderful because my FI and I have truly become each other’s family…we’ve not just started to plan our lives together; we’ve truly joined our lives together.  I’m so glad for everything I’ve been through during this time and I am sure you will be too.

Post # 16
2657 posts
Sugar bee

I know where you’re coming from.  We will be engaged for 22 months and we did not start booking until 7 months after we were engaged.  It does feel like a fantasy in the early stages, but it will get more real as you start signing contracts.  I think you should start sewing your dress now, it will give you something wedding-related to focus on.  I started working on paper flower centerpieces in winter of last year and I used that to stay busy until we had the ability to book things.  Also, I’m still working on those flowers 1 year later (but I’m like 3 weeks away from being done), so you’re right to want a time buffer with any DIY projects 😉

Post # 17
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My engagement will 22 months. Now I’m almost 3 months away and I can’t believe it’s actually almost here… AND I’M NOT READY!!!… We need to move before the wedding in May, make stuff, get outfits, his ring, flowers, cake, pies… OMG I wish I had more time!!

Enjoy your long engagement and get shit done early. It will be here before you know it.


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