(Closed) Long Engagement — No Support

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
18645 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry people are acting that way.  We had a long engagement too.  Just try not to think about them, you will have your time to enjoy everything later!

Post # 4
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  I’m sorry you’re going through this! My Fiance and I had been dating for nearly 6 years before we got engaged, and we’re in the middle of a nearly 2 year engagement. When people would ask why we were waiting, I would tell them that we were saving up money for the wedding and the timing wasn’t right, with school. When somebody would make another comment, I would say, “Well, this is what works best for us, it may not be the most traditional route, but we are very happy and looking forward to having extra time to plan. Besides, this way we get first choice of venues and vendors!”

  Good luck!!

Post # 5
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

“if people waited to get married until they could afford it, no one would ever be married”

Ha, well this is true and you know what – I heard it even though my engagement is looking to be less than a year, because well, I swear it’s true.  Take it with a grain of salt and try to let it roll off of you.  Keep it simple, an “I’m sorry you feel that way” ought to suffice for most comments.

Post # 6
827 posts
Busy bee

Maybe it’s just because of where you live?  Where I live (Long Island) no one would bat an eye at a 2-3 year engagement (heck, any shorter than 2 years and you might have trouble booking the venues and vendors you want on the day you want).  My brother and his wife had been together over 6 years when they got engaged, and then had an engagement that lasted over 2 years.  No one said a word, as far as I know.  A 2-3 year engagement is perfectly fine and normal.  Try not to pay any mind to them.  Smile

Post # 7
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

While you are annoyed, it’s just natural for people to ask when the wedding is when they see an engagement ring.

The fact that you’re engaged is great. My Fiance and I have been together 7 years and in total will be having a 22 month engagement. We do get the ‘finally’ from people, but not too often.

Have you ever considered if you’re waiting for a ‘wedding’ or you’re waiting for a ‘marriage’? It cost $50 (or whatever the license cost in your province/state) to get married at the courthouse. If you two love each other, why wait for jobs, money or medical issues to sort themselves out? You can always have the big party later.

Post # 8
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Its funny, when we got engaged I told Fiance I wanted a long engagement and most people were surprised to hear it was ME who wanted to wait to get married. We got a lot of comments about why we didnt get married this year and why we are waiting till 2012, but honestly, its absolutlely none of their business.

Our realtionship is ours to handle and no one else has any say in how we feel or what we do. I wanted a long engagement because I wanted to be able to save up for our wedding and take it all the moments and memories that are envolved with being engaged. I have no regrets about our engagement at all! Now we are 8 months out (I know it seems like you will never get there, but it will be here before you know it!) and I couldnt be more excited!

We both love eachother very much and we did it our way ;D

Post # 9
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

thats sad that they are reacting like that. you have to plan your wedding as it fits your circumstances. we got engaged in march and arent getting married till october of next year. sometime i get that too “why are u waiting till next year?” my answer to them is that weddings are expensive. we are paying for most of it ourselves. definitly wear your ring and wear it proudly. you guys are going to be together forever regardless of when its on paper. keep your head up!

Post # 10
3141 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry people aren’t being nice and supportive. I would have lost it with the person that made that comment about you waiting because of debt. I would have just said “Well, I’m sorry that I have chosen the financially responsible route.” and walked away. People are pushy sometimes and when you don’t conform to their ideas of how things should be they get all bent out of shape. Stay strong and make the right choices for you and your Fiance. Congratulations on your engagement!

Post # 11
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Agree with what’s already been said but also must throw out there:  DO NOT ask any more people to be in your wedding.  You never know what’s going to happen over the next 2 years.  Don’t even ask them until you’re like 8 months out.  There’s tons of threads here from people who regret asking too soon.

That being said, congrats!  Take your time, and don’t stress out.

Post # 12
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Prepare a list of standard answers.  PPs had some good suggestions regardng what to say when asked.  Whenever you’re asked why you’re waiting so long, go with your standard answer(s) from your prepared list.  After a while, everyone will already know and people will stop asking.  As pp stated, it is natureal for people to ask when they see a ring, so just be ready!

Post # 13
18 posts
  • Wedding: September 2011

First of all, congratulations on your engagement! I’m sorry that you have to deal with unsuppostive people, but hey it’s your journey together. In my case, we’ve been together for 6 years and got engaged about 3 years. We’re planning to get married next year, so it makes us being engaged for 4 years. People often ask us why wait? Because we want to be mature in some important aspects, such as emotionally, spiritually, and of course financially stable (we’re saving up to get a home and kids). We want to embark our journey with excitement and not end up with bad experience (aka divorce) obviously. So, I’d say I don’t blame you for putting it on hold. I do respect you that you can take that sacrifice and prioritize your life. Cheers!

Post # 14
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

We were engaged for 2 years by choice: I wanted a long engagement to enjoy time to plan and actually being a fiance. Tell them to shove it.

Post # 15
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

People can be very insensitive to going about things in a “different” way from however it is commonly done…no matter what. My grandparents are already asking when we are having kids! PPs have given some very sound advice. Don’t give it any more thought. You guys are doing the smart thing and doing what is best for THE TWO OF YOU aka the people in the future marriage. Anyone else’s opinion on when you are ready is irrelevant. 🙂 By ready, I don’t mean maturity-wise obviously. I mean financially, etc.

Welcome to the bee, btw. 🙂 Lots of people with longer than “average” engagements. Where I live, an 8-10 month engagement is common…ours is definitely longer than that. Lol.

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