(Closed) Long engagements??

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@laurana: I don’t think they are bad, but there should be a reason for them (i.e. we are saving up money for the wedding, or we are waiting until we both graduate from school, etc)

I think if you are having a long engagement because you are not ready to get married until that far away future date (and that is the ONLY reason) then you should wait until you are closer to the date to get engaged.

I’ve always viewed engagement as saying “I’m ready to get married right now.” (i.e. if my dream wedding could be planned in a day, I’d be 100% ready to get married tomorrow).

Post # 4
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I don’t think it’s bad, but sometimes people begin to think, “Will they really go through with it?” The wait can be a bit frustrating as well.

Post # 5
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree pretty much with what @KatNYC2011 said.

I don’t think they are “wrong,” I just think people get SO caught up in the “one year to plan a wedding” thing that shorter or longer isn’t “normal.” Ours will be 16 months because we are working around my Grad School schedule, and because we don’t want a summer wedding. We both have summer birthdays – that’s enough for us. 🙂

Lots of people have both shorter and longer engagements; I think it should be 100% up to the couple.

Post # 6
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I don’t think long engagements are bad if you have actually have a wedding date in mind. But I know someone who has been engaged for 10 years and I kind of wonder if they’re ever actually going to get married.

I’ve had a long engagement (it will be almost 2.5 years when we get married) but it was necessary because I was already set to go away to grad school. When I got my degree and headed back home, we officially started planning.

So I agree with KatNYC2001, there should be a reason for it. If a couple gets engaged without any intention of planning a wedding in the reasonably near future, then it seems a bit odd to me.

Post # 7
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have been engaged for over 2 years (it will be closer to 3 when wwe get married), I am just sick of it! I am so ready to be married and have all of this part over with. That is the only bad part I can think of. 

Post # 7
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have been engaged for over 2 years (it will be closer to 3 when wwe get married), I am just sick of it! I am so ready to be married and have all of this part over with. That is the only bad part I can think of. 

Post # 8
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with the original posts.  If you are getting ready to graduate college or you are saving for a year or so, it’s fine.  But I also know ppl who just use the word “engaged” but haven’t gotten married in years.

I personally had to have a short engagment.  FI asked in late Nov, no real planning in Nov/Dec due to the holidays.  Real planning started in Jan and we are getting married in July.  I’d lose my mind while planning with all the ideas and new things that come up all the time if I had a long engagment.  LOL. 

Post # 9
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I have to agree with the other posters.

I think lots of people are stuck on the whole “you have to get married within a year” thing. There really isn’t a timeline that fits for every single couple. And a long engagement isn’t a bad thing.

My FH and I are having AT LEAST a 16 month engagement, if not longer, probably closer to two years… Do I like it? Not really. But are we doing what’s best for us and our schedules/lives/budget.

Post # 10
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@katieebee: That’s what’s driving me nuts. I have so many ideas and I’ve been changing my mind a lot. I’m worried that by the time I get into some serious planning I’ll have so many ideas/pictures that I won’t have a clue where to start.

That part makes me wish that I was getting married like, next month, heh. But I know it can’t happen.

Post # 11
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think long engagements might only be “bad” if you are getting engaged without being ready to plan (or set a date for) a wedding.

I.e. don’t just get engaged because you want to feel better about living together, sleeping together, etc. An engagement is a declaration and commitment to get married. If that takes 2 years because of school/budget/life, that’s fine but if it takes 2 years because you really weren’t ready to get married when you got engaged… that may not be the best.

Post # 12
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’ve been engaged 4 years. We got engaged before I moved out of the country for school. If he wasn’t certain he wanted to marry me, I didn’t want either of us going through all the LDR woes. And I’ve always been of the camp that once you know you want to marry eachother, you get engaged.

That being said, we only set our date this past Sunday. It’s been frustrating at times but wedding and graduation are now just around the corner… SUH-WEET!!!!

Post # 13
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would say there is certainly nothing “wrong” with a long engagement. There are some cases where people will engaged for years and years and never actually set a date. But there are good reasons to wait, like people listed above, like wanting to finish school. Also longer engagements give more time to prepare for marriage which could make the adjustment easier.

I would say that once you are engaged, and settled into being engaged… you’ll want to get married ASAP. I’m half way through my 13month engagement and i’m so ready to get married!! Waiting, even engaged waiting, can be frusterating. 

I personally hate the transition feeling of ‘just’ being engaged. my family treats engaged couples as if we’re still ‘just’ bf/gf and it makes it difficult when you want the social structures to shift

Post # 14
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

I personally don’t care what other’s do- it is their relationship and if one chooses to have a long engagement for any reason- it is their right and i am not going to judge them for it.

Post # 15
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

I don’t think long engagements are bad, I’m hoping for a long engagement (: I think that sometimes though it can be hard to tell if the couple is actually going to go through with a wedding (as PP’s have said, it can be weird if the couple is engaged but not ready to be married). The only other thing I can think of is that people’s reactions to the engagement will fade, as long as there’s a good reason/desire to have a long engagement I see nothing wrong with them (:

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