Post # 1
From before we were engaged, FI and I agreed that we would have a long engagement for several reasons. I have always wanted a fall wedding and since we got engaged in December, I thought it would be hard to plan a wedding for fall 2008. We are also in our last semester of law school and have graduation and the bar exam to get ready for so the long engagement would give me time to focus on school and the bar exam without having to worry about wedding planning. We also don’t have jobs lined up yet so waiting to get married until fall of 2009 would give us both a chance to work, save money and earn some vacation time.
However, now all of these great reasons seem minor because I am already consumed with wedding related things. Sometimes I think it would be better to just have the wedding sooner so I can stop my wedding-obsession. What do you guys think?
Post # 3
I’m in the same boat. We got engaged in August 07 but aren’t getting married til June 09. I have to finish school and we’ll be moving in July 09 for my internship, so it just made sense to wait. Also, I didn’t want to get married in fall 08 due to school reasons, and summer 08 would have been too early, so…there you have it.
I’ve been obsessed with wedding planning stuff, too, and sometimes it’s depressing to realize how far away the actual day is. I try to remind myself that I’ll have all the extra time I need for planning, though. I think of friends who had short engagements and spent those months in a frenzy, and I try to appreciate that I can take a more relaxed attitude towards this even though I don’t really *want* to be relaxed about it right now – I just want it done!
My advice is to give yourself a couple of months to let the initial planning push fade. You might burn out a little bit, then gradually come back around to investigating options in a more relaxed way.
Post # 4
Wow, I’m in the same boat! We got engaged July 2007 and won’t get married until May 2009. I’m in medical school and didn’t want to have our wedding around my board exams/interviews for residency, so we decided to wait until after Match (when I find out where I will go for residency) so we wouldn’t be stressing out about that.
I would give the same advice as amysue – give yourself a little time to relax and realize that since you have more time, you can do things a little slower (those DIY projects actually can be done if you have more time!). Good luck!
Post # 5
I am also in the same boat as you are! I got engaged in Dec and our wedding is not until August of 2009. My fiance is taking the bar this July and I’m trying to pass a minimum of 6 exams before we get married. Since he wont be earning an attorneys salary until the bar results come out in November, we decided that it would be a smart idea to make the wedding mid to late 2009. That way we would have some money saved up for to buy a place to live! (Being in law school yourself, you must know the salary difference btwn a law clerk and a real attorney!)
I think it would make it easier on the both my fiance and I to start off somewhere with a place to really call our own rather than renting out a place. Also, that fact that we wouldnt be spending our first year (or however long it takes) of marriage stressing out and studying for exams or worrying about money. Ive heard that the first year of marriage is the toughest, I dont want to add to it!
Plus, I figured it would allow me more time to do everything myself, exactly the way I want it!! Ive already started thinking of general ideas for what I want for the wedding. I’m just saving the detailing for later. What Im planning to do is focus on myself for the most of this year – study as hard as I can, save as much money as I can, etc etc.
Honestly, we’re at the age where time flies. I think when 2009 rolls around (and it will sooner than we think!!) we’re going to be glad that we’ve had a long time to plan!!
I hope everything works out for you! 🙂 Good luck studying for the bar!!
Post # 6
ha ha…we need to start a "long engagement" support group! : )
Post # 7
I had a 15 month long engagement and felt that it was plenty of time to plan — but, you’re right, at month 8-12, I just wished that we were already married and could stop witht he planning already! Do what you think is best and works for you, but we got engaged in February of my 2L year. I skipped graduation to get married, honeymooned for a week, and started bar classes the day after returning home. It was difficult, but I had the awesome student schedule to take advantage of in planning. My colleagues now who are planning a wedding while working are having a much more difficult time.
Post # 8
We got enjaged July 06 and are getting married in August 98, so we’ll be engaged practically 2 years by the time we get married. I was super wedding obsessed in the beginning but calmed down a bit and am back to be obsessed again since our wedding is this year. It kind of sucked though because 3 couples we know who where engaged after us are all getting married before us…oh well.
Post # 9
whoa!! it’s nice to know there are others out there like me!! hey everyone – i’m new to weddingbee and this was the first thread i saw!! coinkidink?? i thinks not!! hahahah
we got engaged labor day weekend 2006 but we didnt really rush out and go wedding crazy… we actually didnt tell anyone until thanksgiving 2006 – we kinda wanted to enjoy being engaged without people asking us "so do you have a dress… so do you have a date in mind? so do you.. so are you guys.. so is it going to be???"
i love my friends and fam but honestly i just wasnt ready for the barrage! heeheehee
around feb 2007, we figured we’d better get our butts in gear and at least book the church… after going abck and forth with the church and the reception venue to coordinate dates, we picked an august 2008 wedding… well, future hubbs’ company tanked and everyone got severance and laid off around thanksgiving of 2007… we’re paying for the wedding ourselves and dont want to sacrifice anything, soooo – we’ve pushed our wedding to feb 2009…
orrrrr should i say – we’ve pushed "the wedding show" for feb 2009.
our original honeymoon was scheduled for 3 weeks island hopping in hawaii – and that’s where we are saying "I Do" in a small private intimate ceremony – it’ll just be me & the hubbs!!!
nobody knows – we’ve informed our bridal party alrdy about the switch to feb 2009 – but kinda just like we wanted our own little "private time" as an ngaged couple -we are looking forward to our own little private time as newlyweds!! we’ve confirmed with the church for 2/28/2009
we’re planning on doing a slideshow at the 2009 reception and taht’s when we’re telling everyone it’s actually our 6 month-iversary!!
Post # 10
I think I win the long engagement trophy– engaged in Dec ’03, married in may ’07! 🙂
For many reasons, we just weren’t ready to plan a wedding right away, but we were ready to celebrate commitment and share it with the world with the symbols of rings (my FI had one too— a simple silver band).
We finally settled on may of ’07 in the summer of ’06.
I think doing some basic planning and seeing which vendors you can lock in their current rates makes sense, but remember your ideas may change as time goes by, so don’t get too bogged down in the details yet.
Have fun just being engaged and celebrating this stage of your commitment!
Post # 11
Thanks for all the posts, it helps to see that I’m not alone in the long enagagement boat. It’s really hard when you tell people that you’re engaged and they look at you funny when you say that you’re not getting married for almost 2 years. As much as I love my FI and he loves me too, I didn’t want to push our love for each other to the limits by becoming a crazy bridezilla!
The nice thing about the long engagement is that I have my first choice of EVERYTHING. Although we are saving much of the major planning until August after the bar exam, I still have lots of things taken care of already so that I could get exactly what I want.
The not nice thing about the long engagement is that I have too much time to maybe change my mind about things. And I have more time to stress about the little details so I will keep going back and forth instead of making a decision and sticking to it.
But I think the best plan is for me to stick with the plan and get married in October 2009. I just needed to know that I’m not crazy for taking 20 months in a world where people are getting married in 6 (then I would probably be REALLY freaked out)
Post # 12
you are definitely NOT crazy!!!! have you seen what the "average" wedding is in america??? it’s got to be hovering around $30K – $40K is my guess?? i guess also depends which region of the country maybe??
but you’re right – longer engagements – we have the pick of the litter and feeling not so rushed and crazed!!
now that we are doin the big weding in feb of 2009, i feel like i have more time and can focus on the nasd 7 test… and not worry about how long it’s going to take future hubbs to switch careers and all the craziness that comes with that…
Post # 13
We’ve had a somewhat long engagement also, it sounds most like yours angipangie for the same time frame and reasons! We got engaged December ’06 on Christmas Eve and we’re getting married fall ’08. It’s been a long road and with us being engaged over a year now, suddenly 8 months seems like I need to get my butt in gear with planning! It has been wonderful though, I graduated this past May with a degree in Architecture, so it would have been ridiculous to go that last semester with studios and planning a wedding ( I had a few friends to prove that to me since that’s exactly what they were going through, ha!). I also would like to take some of the financial burden away from my parents since they paid my entire college tuition! It hardly seems fair to make them pay for my entire wedding as well. They have already been paying for more than enough and I have been trying my best that they don’t have to pay much more.
Anyway, as you can all see above, we’re not alone!
Post # 14
I’m all about the short engagement. I got engaged this christmas and am getting married in early August. It means I’ve already ordered a dress, chosen a venue,and booked my honeymoon. it means I can’t agonize over decisions and can pick only my favourite diy projects (which seem like good things to me) I can’t wait to be married and move into together. I wish it was tomorrow! Unless there are money or exam complications, why drag it on?
Post # 15
Because…there are money and exam complications. : P
Post # 16
FI and I will be engaged for just about 3 years by the time we say "I Do" and in the interim, we’ve purchased our first home together, moved in together, and it def has its moments, but I would not trade it in for the world. A long engagement simply means having more time to plan your wedding, I really dont’ think it would affect the long term outcome of your relationship. However if you’re ready to do it now, I say go for it. You can totally plan a wedding in 9-12 months! Whatever you choose to do, just be sure to remember that at the end of the day, you are celebrating your love for each other…all the details will most likely not be remembered/noticed by any of your guests…sad but true…good luck!