- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014
Normally I am a very very laid back girlfriend, I mean it is hard to rattle me and make me angry or ruffle my feathers but lately everything seems like it and today has sucked for several reasons but this is the latest. It is long and I am so so sorry.
Ok so my SO and I have been in a LDR since may of last year and had been together for over a year before that, he is currently working in the oil field in Texas and I am in Costa Rica. We’ve seen each other twice since he left, once in October for a week and once in January for two weeks. We discussed getting engaged, and planned to elope in January but I couldnt go through with it, wanted my parents there. So I came back home, he bought the ring, has talked to my dad and we’re just waiting for him to have time off to make it official. Because of his job he goes on site, somewhere out in the middle of nowhere and spends weeks to months taking care of a well. Thankfully he is paid well so he can pay off his student loans and save money for when we start our life together.
Usually he has great internet connection and it makes things easier, however for the past two months Verizon has sucked and his hotspot has barely any signal so it is very dificult to talk and I just miss him so much, he is my best friend, I tell him absolutely everything and when he was here we were those annoying couples who pretty much live together and still call each ither during lunch to talk about funny things or just to say I love you and now having a 30min conversation without being cutt off three times is a miracle!
He told me yesterday that he asked his boss when he would be able to have about four days off in a row (by company policy because his job is high risk, the insurance demands that he take at least six days off a month, in theory it is supposed to be one to two days off a week but the company ignores this completely) So of course I get super excited, I mean this could mean he gets time off in a week or two months but still it is something even if the boss told him that they would have to wait and see. Today we are talking and he goes on and on about how much he misses me and how he wishes he could be here and is all sweet. Later on in the conversation he says that after he finishes on that site he is going to be moved immediately to another site where he will be paid better.
I ask him if he knows if maybe he could have a couple of days off between the two (especially since his new supervisor at the new site is his best friend) and he gets mad! Telling me that I am being naggy, that if he doesnt have an answer that he definitely can not tell me anything for sure, that I have to stop asking questions that he doesnt know how to respond to, that he is getting tired of me being so persistant (and yes in the past two or three weeks I have brought it up more often lets say twice a week, but not as in you have to ask, more as in I wish I could see you and dreamy like) and then he keeps talking all normal about water and oil pressure and the truckers and things I honestly dont give a rats ass about but I learn about and pay attention to because they are his job and I love him and the whole situation really rubbed me the wrong way and now that I am writing it all out I feel like an idiot for being upset….
I just miss him so so so much, I guess this is also a waiting rant, it might be stupid but I am tired of constantly reminding myself that waiting for him to come back to start our lives (he is staying until may of next year) is worth it (and it totally is, I mean he is the most amazing man I have ever met, I still can’t believe he is with me). I mean I know nothing worth having comes easy, but I feel like if I had that stupid ring around my finger that it would mean something you know? That it isnt all in vain that he is sure he wants to spend the rest if his life with me and that everything is going to be ok.
I know that the ring is only supposed to represent the love and the commitment but sometimes it is so hard to feel and to keep them present when you are so far away. As a nice side effect it would shut all the people up who said LDR never last and said all those snarky comments to us ALL the time but that isnt the point. I guess I just want something concrete and tangible to make it all a little easier to bear is that wrong and superficial of me?. Thanks for reading this bees I just feel terrible right now, the waiting and the LDR and school and stuff has just got me down… Its a tantrum but I cant shake it off and its driving me insane!