Post # 1
Edit: Thank you so much for putting up with me, I went a little crazy overboard.
I basically am furious at my mother. I had a really bad first marriage. Now that I’m engaged to someone awesome, she says every now and then that we shouldn’t have a wedding at all and tonight I found out it was because she doesn’t want to be hurt again.
She did many things that hurt when it comes to my first marriage, including siding with my husband even though I had a very, very good reason to divorce him. She’s upset that she can’t be friends with his mom anymore and that he took advantage of her and my father, and that’s why she doesn’t want me to have a wedding this time around.
I’m really not sure how to deal with her but I am so thankful for the encouragement. This made me realize I probably need to go find a therapist to get some of these issues out; I had no idea how mad I was at my mother until tonight. I can’t address them with her right now because she’s got a lot of anxiety issues and we’re all on strict orders to do nothing that upsets her, but I’m afraid I might hit a breaking point soon if I don’t deal with his.
Thank you again, and I’m sorry I freaked out.
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I’m sorry. I wish I could help. Your mom was out of line. I hope you can find the courage to tell her these things. Maybe it would be easier to write it down and give it to her than to say it out loud. I hope things work out and that your next marriage makes the previous one a distant memory that you hardly recall.
Post # 4
Oh man, I’m really sorry. But is your mom of Eastern-European descent? Not trying to generalize, but that sounds a lot like my mom! When I was a teenager getting ready to leave for college I told her that I really would have been happy being a professional bridge player and instructor (I was crazy about the game back then), and she flat out told me that I should let her know if that is the case so that she stops investing in me, that I’m an investment for them and she hasn’t gone all this way for me to just break her heart and disappoint her. Just hoping that sharing my story will make you feel like you’re not alone… In the meantime my mom has grown a lot and started to be a much better mother, but both her and my dad have their rather selfish moments, and there’s a lot of times when I wonder how come I didn’t end up having to see a therapist every day because of them!
Post # 5
I’m sorry. Even though she feels that way, she shouldn’t have said it to you.
Post # 6
Thank you both so much, and I’m so sorry I unloaded like that, I really should not have posted before calming down, I was just so upset. I don’t think I’ve ever been that angry in my life.
@mrsSonthebeach: Thank you, I would love to work this out with her some day. Writing it down is a good idea but I think I need to do this face to face. She’s not ready yet and I think I should probably sort through it some more before I’m ready, too.
@squeak: Italian, so very close. I actually am glad that I’m not alone in feeling that way, thank you for sharing that. It gives me a lot of hope that she’s grown past some of that, maybe my mom will figure it out too.