Post # 1
My SO and I have been together for 2 1/2 years and things have been great most of the time. But we have had our share of rough patches. Well back in August I had a rather scary health risk and it kind of put me in a funk for a while. I was pretty down which caused me to get upset on other levels as well. I knew I was being that way so it caused me to get jealous and worry that he didn’t want to be with me any more. I’ve been out of that funk for a few months now which is great, things are back to normal and we just ordered an e-ring last night, I will likely be engaged this weekend.
Well the problem is that this is the second time in a row it seems like SO is hiding something from me. I always brag about the honesty in our relationship because I’ve learned in the past, honesty is a very big part of making a relationship work. It’s no big deal really and I’m not too upset but it leads me to believe maybe I should be?!
Again it’s no big deal but last week when I got home from work he then tells me that his buddy came to our house so they could play music all night. No big deal but my SO came to my work twice last Monday and never once mentioned his friend going to the house until I was off work at 11.
Again no big deal. But today as he’s leaving from bringing me dinner (which he does regularly)and that’s when he decides to tell me that he’s playing music with the guy again. He hadn’t mentioned it until I mentioned him going elsewhere tonight, then he brings up his plans for the night.
So his music plans are no big deal, I’m not worried about that. I’m worried about him not even mentioning this at all. No he doesn’t have to check in with me but I didn’t mention that he also is with my 4 year old daughter while I work so I like to have some idea of what is going on. Its not like his friend is a bad guy or anything, he’s really nice and my daughter likes him but what’s with the secrecy?
Basically I need to know, before I go and ruin the last week I have before I’m engaged, and before I go over board… Am I over reacting? He’s honest, I don’t have any concerns of him cheating, I know he loves me and our relationship is very well right now, we are both beaming and anxious to get that ring. Is this one of the choose your battle moments and I should just let it go? Is there really anything to let go? I over analyze and read into things a little too much sometimes and think this may be one of those times… Any advice on this?
Post # 3
Post # 4
Take a deep breath. You are reading way too much into this. It’s a little overboard to expect him to mention everything he does while you’re not around. Plus you said you were totally okay with his friend coming over, so why would he hide it from you? Sounds like he just didn’t mention it because it didn’t seem important.
Post # 5
It really might just be more of a last minute thing. My husband is a musician and will “jam” on aoccasion, but it usually takes a lot of texting and calls to get everything organized, so sometimes we don’t know until later. Other times, its just really casual and random.
Or perhaps he feel you are mad about it, so brings it up last minute?
Post # 6
That’s the thing I’m concerned about, that he’s not telling me until the last minute because he thinks I will get upset. I don’t but must admit for a little while after August I was getting upset over little things a lot. But the last few months I haven’t and he knows why I was back during that time.
Thank you though, I needed that. I am reading too much into it. But if he is waiting till the last minute for him to tell me things like this, I don’t really know what else to do to make him not worry about telling me things. I mean really, music is music and it’s two guys in a house not even drinking or anything, just playing a few songs. If he’s afraid to tell me this it makes me wonder what else he is afraid to tell me. But then I go back into over thinking. So I choose to let this battle go but any ideas on how to get him to not worry about such things any more? It’s only the secrecy that concerns me, which is why I posted here before bringing it up with him.
Post # 7
@pinkgreenandyellow: This sometimes happens with my husband. Sometimes I tend to overreact so he will delay telling me something he thinks will upset me. I think the best way to combat this is to show him that you’re not mad. Don’t overreact or get angry about things like this. Tell him you are totally cool with his friends coming over. When he can see that you really have changed and you’re not going to blow up at him, he will naturally be more open to sharing things like this.,
Post # 8
Try to relax! Do you think if you make a big deal about it he is going to think you have a problem with it? He obviously wants to be with you so I would try not to read to much into the negative right now.
Post # 9
Thank you ladies! I do need to just keep doing what I’ve been doing. Maybe look at it from his perspective. I spent a good 6 months being an emotional roller coaster so it will take a little longer than 2 to 3 months for him to be more open with me. It’s understandable. I just don’t like it, but I did it, I have to deal with it.
Thank you again for saving this week, I’m about 60% sure as long as the ring arrives he will propose this week, but he says he wants me to not expect it, which is the reason I say only 60%. But we are both beaming over the soon engagement and he nearly cried last night talking about how excited he is. Thank you again 😀
Post # 10
@pinkgreenandyellow: Oh. I just didn’t understand that you were upset about it because of the timing. Honestly it sounds like its not a big deal to either of you, so I don’t know why he would purposefully hide it from you. I wouldn’t worry about it. But maybe mention to him that it would be nice to hear what his plans are a little closer to when he makes them.
Post # 11
Ugh. My husband used to do this. He would not tell me when he had made plans for to see his parents because they stressed me out so much and I don’t think he really wanted to start something a week or two ahead of time when if he waited I would have only a day or two when it was too late to do anything about it. Just tell him you want some advance notice.
Post # 12
@pinkgreenandyellow: That’s the thing I’m concerned about, that he’s not telling me until the last minute because he thinks I will get upset.
you’re right. he’s not telling you until the last minute because you do get upset. i’m going to be blunt, but who wants to deal with that? it’s not like he’s inviting an ax murderer over.
@pinkgreenandyellow: . But today as he’s leaving from bringing me dinner (which he does regularly)and that’s when he decides to tell me that he’s playing music with the guy again.
and he brings you dinner at work? what an ass (KIDDING)
you really need to stop or you will run a perfectly good man off.