(Closed) Long rant – Bridesmaid Drama and Regret – how to handle?? Advice, please!

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

Wow…I’m sorry you have to deal with this…I have to say that yes- confrontation seems like the only option.

If you are usually uncomfortable with confrontation, it may help you to list your grievances (insulting your mom about the price of the shower, trying to take over, etc)-before you speak with her so you know exactly what points to address specifically in a clear manner.

And you can start by saying “I am touched you wanted to be a part of my wedding and to help- but….etc etc)

I would be furious if anyone spoke that hurtfully and rudely to my mom as well! She needs a reality check.

Post # 4
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If she really called your mother “cheap,” then you definitely need to confront her and maybe even cut her out of the wedding party. Not cool. Especially with the financial concerns of everyone involved. She sounds so materialistic and juvenile. I’ve had to confront a couple of people about difficult issues, and I think the classiest way is to act like you assume the best of them (doesn’t have to be true) and to focus on how you feel. I think it’s always better not to say anything you’ll regret, even if they say something they will– you know what I mean? It just has to have the outcome of getting her to stay the heck away, while letting you stay classy, and not creating drama. 

You’ll have to figure out whether you still want her in the party. But as far as getting her out of the planning goes, this is how I’d deal with confronting her: I’d tell her I know she has the best intentions; that I appreciate all the work she has put in to helping me plan stuff; that I’ve heard that she has had some disagreements with the way my mother wants to plan things; that this hurts my feelings, makes me feel bad, makes me stressed out; that I’m sure that wasn’t her intention; that I was really excited to have her in the bridal party; but that I have decided that I want my mother to step in more; that, again, I appreciate all her efforts; but that I have changed my mind about how I want to handle the planning; and that I want to share this experience (planning the shower and anything else she wants to butt in on) with my mother instead.

You have to be firm with people like this– don’t back down from whatever you decide, and don’t engage them if they have counter-reasons and try to argue with you– just say you appreciate their concerns/work/whatever, but that you’ve decided to go a different way.  

It’s always better to say stuff like this in person than in writing, but I’d probably write it down the way I’d want to say it, and practice it a couple of times with my FI. If you’re afraid you’ll say something you’ll regret, then you might want to put the polite version down on paper, and just go ahead and email it to her, anyway– and then in the email, tell her you’ll be calling her or stopping by or something. Or you could even talk to her with your FI with you– you’re a team now, and it’s his wedding stuff too– you could even use him as an excuse and say his mother wants to be a bigger part of the planning process too or something. Worst-case scenarios? If she gets mad and overly dramatic, walk out– if you say or do something nasty, she could blab that about you and make things worse. If she gets mad and refuses to talk to you– Yay! You don’t have to deal with her anymore.   

That would be my advice. Dealing with conflict and confrontation stinks, but once it’s over with, and you can shield your mom from this woman’s rudeness, you’ll feel soooo much better. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would cuss her out. If any of my friends spoke to my mother like that then they would get cut. Seriously, I wouldn’t want her in the party at all. 

If you are uneasy about approaching her, write everything down that you want to say first. Practice it in the mirror and then go talk to her her. 

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