LONG RANT: My FMIL is pissing me off

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrstau732:  This is your FI’s problem. His mother- his problem. He should tell her that you will only be sending invitations to __ (number of people) and only to those for whom you have complete names and addresses.

ps is there a reason he is not contributing to the cost of the wedding?

Post # 4
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Scottish Rite Cathedral (New Castle, PA)

Has your FI talked with her? It’s his mom so he should probably step up and handle it. I definitely wouldn’t want to be in that fight! Definitely don’t hand over the STDs, lock them up somewhere safe!! It’s your wedding, not hers! I had the same discussion with my mother who also wants to add a million people. I compromised and gave her 5 couples that I didn’t know that were important to her and if she wanted to add more she had to remove one of the original 5 from her list. Maybe find a compromise somehow? Either way I’d set the number and stand your ground on it and have your FI make it clear to her. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
8518 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I dont understand why so many people put up with their inlaw drama. Just tell her flat out, its YOUR wedding, you and your parents are paying for it, and what you say goes. If she doesnt give you a list of people, then they dont come. Simple as that. 

Post # 6
Member
3948 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@mrstau732:   Stand your ground.   Is your FI willing to stand up to her?  I hope so.  

Post # 8
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrstau732:  He is paying for the rehersal dinner, photographer, and the booze. . 


Those are wedding costs to me.

Post # 9
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It gets better. I promise. Dont invite the people you do not want to invite…If she has a problem with it she can eat her foot.

Post # 10
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@mrstau732:  I have a MIL like that too. They are tons of fun. You just have to know how to stand up to them. It took a year of practice and I am still not there

 

Post # 12
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

It sounds like perhaps there is a communication problem.  Maybe a quick phone call explaining that the two of you just want an intimate affair is in order—a phone call that perhaps your FI should make instead.

Does your FI know who ‘and family’ are on the invites?  Are these his aunts/uncles or cousins?  Maybe he can provide some insight and maybe the list isn’t that big and you FMIL expected your FI to simply tell you this.

Good Luck!

Post # 15
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@mrstau732:  OH HECK NO!!  

At this point, I agree with  @allyfally:  and @Waitingbee57:  It’s time for you to put your foot down in a nice way.  I’ve had to do this only once with my FMIL and it changed our relationship forever haha.

Maybe you can just remind her that you love her son, and this moment is about celebrating the love the two of you have for each other and since the two of you are keeping it traditional (as in bride’s family paying for the venue/food), you would appreciate it if she could please scale back the list.

I would just prepare your FI for the talk that you might have to have with her to see if he wants to do it instead or so that at least he knows that her feelings might get hurt and he is not blindsided in case she tries to call him up to complain about you (not sure if she’s this sort of MIL…but I’ve seen it before).

Post # 16
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Tell her she gets X number of invites, and that means two for each couple.  Tell her to send you full names and numbers.  Do not give out any STDs or invites to her. 

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