Post # 1
I’ve been engaged for almost 1 year. Shortly after the engagement I asked a girl who I got along with very well with to be Maid/Matron of Honor. We were always laughing, met for pilates once a week & that’s it really besides the fact we worked together in the lab often. However that was again shortly after the engagement. 3 months later (last May) she left the lab & I have only seen/spoken to her once since then. She’s been busy with Grad school as well as myself. I know she has several plans that have been previously planned prior to me asking her & I don’t want to hold her back. The other problem is I don’t feel close to her anymore what-so-ever.
Over the summer I hurt my back (herniated disc) & put wedding plans on hold for ~4 months. Last month I had surgery & am slowly moving around normally. Now it’s crunch time & things will be moving fast. As she’s hopefully trying to finish Grad school next semester & I finally graduated this semester, thus will be busy every day doing something for the wedding.
Honestly, I truly don’t want to hold her back from any of the gazillion plans she has or interrupt her Grad school schedule. Also, the closeness just isn’t there anymore. I know many girls will think this is completely unreal but I feel I made a rash decision asking her to be Maid/Matron of Honor & regret it. What should I do? Thanks In Advance.
Post # 3
I would try to reconnect with her!
I know Grad Students get busy (I am doing a PhD myself) but you always have time for a meal and she would probably like a pilates break to decrease stress!
It doesn’t sound like there is anything negative between you so I don’t think you can demote her as Maid/Matron of Honor because then there really would be something negative between you. There was a great friendship there so reconnect and rekindle that great friendship!
Post # 4
I agree that you should do your best to rekindle your friendship. Obviously there was a reason you asked her in the first place, and I would try to rediscover that before you give up. If you reach out several times with invitations to go to dinner or just hang out, and she blows you off, or things just clearly will not ever be the same, then I could see you gently explaining to her that you think your lives have changed so much since when you first got engaged that you would understand if she would rather not have such a big responsibility in your wedding. But I think you are really jumping the gun to consider that right now… give your friendship another good try first! I understand that maybe you made a rash decision, but I think you will still be happy to have a good friend beside you, than to go through the stressful and awkward process of demoting her.
Post # 5
I agree. Try to catch up. And let her know you’re making plans on the wedding again. Then you can feel her out about whether or not she’s still into it. If you really sense she isn’t going to be into it, maybe bring up the whole “I just want to make sure you’re still able to be my MOH” speech. Let her know you’d still like her to be there, but if she has too much going on you understand. (But I wouldn’t just say it without at least getting a hint that she might not want the job any longer.) Sometimes just bringing up that conversation makes some girls sensitive. (And she might think you simply are trying to kick her out.)
Post # 6
I had a similar situation – I asked one of my girls to be my Maid/Matron of Honor a little prematurely. She unfortunately gets boy-crazy with her boyfriend and the rest of the world disappears. They broke up earlier this fall and we reconnected after not talking to each other for 4-5 months. We had dinner and reconnected – I asked if she was still interested and I was completely ok if she wasnt, but the invite was still there. She happily “accepted” as it were, but I explained that someone else had stepped up to the plate as Maid/Matron of Honor and was being very deserving of it. She completely understood….more conversation ensued, and we now have a happy ending.
I know its not what others might say as ‘right’, but it worked for my situation – I hope you can work it out!
Post # 7
maybe have lunch with her and ask her about how she feels about being Maid/Matron of Honor. bond again and be open with eachother if its practical for her to be Maid/Matron of Honor. maybe shed be more suited as just a bridesmaid?