(Closed) long sorry & this might sound selfish but…

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would try to reconnect with her!

I know Grad Students get busy (I am doing a PhD myself) but you always have time for a meal and she would probably like a pilates break to decrease stress!

It doesn’t sound like there is anything negative between you so I don’t think you can demote her as Maid/Matron of Honor because then there really would be something negative between you. There was a great friendship there so reconnect and rekindle that great friendship!

Good Luck

Post # 4
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree that you should do your best to rekindle your friendship. Obviously there was a reason you asked her in the first place, and I would try to rediscover that before you give up. If you reach out several times with invitations to go to dinner or just hang out, and she blows you off, or things just clearly will not ever be the same, then I could see you gently explaining to her that you think your lives have changed so much since when you first got engaged that you would understand if she would rather not have such a big responsibility in your wedding. But I think you are really jumping the gun to consider that right now… give your friendship another good try first! I understand that maybe you made a rash decision, but I think you will still be happy to have a good friend beside you, than to go through the stressful and awkward process of demoting her.

Post # 5
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I agree.  Try to catch up.  And let her know you’re making plans on the wedding again.  Then you can feel her out about whether or not she’s still into it.  If you really sense she isn’t going to be into it, maybe bring up the whole “I just want to make sure you’re still able to be my MOH” speech.  Let her know you’d still like her to be there, but if she has too much going on you understand.  (But I wouldn’t just say it without at least getting a hint that she might not want the job any longer.)  Sometimes just bringing up that conversation makes some girls sensitive.  (And she might think you simply are trying to kick her out.)

Post # 6
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I had a similar situation – I asked one of my girls to be my Maid/Matron of Honor a little prematurely.  She unfortunately gets boy-crazy with her boyfriend and the rest of the world disappears.  They broke up earlier this fall and we reconnected after not talking to each other for 4-5 months.  We had dinner and reconnected – I asked if she was still interested and I was completely ok if she wasnt, but the invite was still there.  She happily “accepted” as it were, but I explained that someone else had stepped up to the plate as Maid/Matron of Honor and was being very deserving of it.  She completely understood….more conversation ensued, and we now have a happy ending. 

I know its not what others might say as ‘right’, but it worked for my situation – I hope you can work it out! 

Post # 7
865 posts
Busy bee

maybe have lunch with her and ask her about how she feels about being Maid/Matron of Honor.  bond again and be open with eachother if its practical for her to be Maid/Matron of Honor.  maybe shed be more suited as just a bridesmaid?

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