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my FI loves me THIS much!!!

"Long time no see, are you preg-" "-NO!"

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
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    1.
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    Busy bee
    xoxokristin    October 30, 2010   Tokyo, Japan

    Last year, an adult student of mine (I'm an English teacher in Japan) asked me if I was pregnant. I wasn't. She hadn't seen me in a long time and I guess I was wearing an unflattering top. It was awkward to say the least and I just kind of walked away, flushed. I am seeing her tomorrow for the first time since "the incident" for a lesson. How do I play this? I'm still offended and I'm sure she'll apologize but I don't really know what to do after that. Be fake sweet to her and carry on with the hour lesson? Has this ever happened to you? How did you handle it?

     
    2.
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    MightySapphire      

    You're still mad after a year?  I know that no one likes to be mistaken for pregnant when they're not, but that's a long time to hold onto that.  It's an honest mistake, and some people just don't know that unless a woman ANNOUNCES she's pregnant, you DON'T ask.  But I think after a year that they've probably completely forgotten about it or really hope that you have.  If it was last week, I'd say expect an apology.  But a year?  Realistically, expect them to have no idea why you're not excited to see them.

    For the record, this has happened to me, but I was mostly embarassed, not angry.  I ended up losing 20lbs because of it, so I consider the person who asked my personal motivator.  Maybe you could try to put a positive spin on what happened?

     
    3.
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    Honey bee
    hotchildinthecity    June 12, 2010   New York, NY

    Agree with MightySapphire.   I would just let it go.  I'm sure she's super-embarassed and hoping you forgot about it.  No reason to hold a grudge.

     
    4.
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    Gemstone    July 2011   Cincinnati

    In addition to what MightySapphire and hotchild said, also remember that a lot of shirts these days kinda look like maternity shirts, not even because of the person wearing them, but just from how they're designed. Silly fashion.

     
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    Helper bee
    artsprout.love    May 15, 2010   Virginia

    Yeah... it was an honest mistake. Something you could possibly laugh off? :)

    I'm sure she felt just as bad about it and was very embarrassed. Definitely be nice to her and carry on.

     
    6.
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    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    Eh, it happens. Don't take it personally. Just don't wear that shirt tomorrow....=]

     
    7.
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    MightySapphire      

    PS-This is exactly why up until I WAS pregnant I refused to wear anything with an empire waist.  Those darn things just SCREAM pregnant!

     
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    Helper bee
    michelle86    April 17, 2010   Saint Paul, Minnesota

    This has happened to me too.  I say just fake sweet and don't let it bother you too much.

     
    9.
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    Honey bee
    Jenn23    April 17, 2010   Philly suburbs

    Happened to me twice-didn't like it, but got over it quickly...

     
    10.
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    Sugar bee
    RoddyBride09    September 5, 2009   Bethlehem, PA

    As the other ladies mentioned, I wouldn't take it personally. I am sure it was embarrassing for the both of you. She most likely won't make that mistake again!

    @Mighty - I second not wearing Empire waisted shirts! They aren't too bad when your preggie though

     
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    LAZB    May 1, 2010  

    I love wearing comfy sun dresses, so despite being tall and thin, I have definitely been asked on multiple occations.  I still get embarassed whenever people ask me, but I ultimately have made the decision to just let it go because I'd rather do that than give up my favorite clothing :)

     
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    moderndaisy    June 2010  

    I agree with everyone else. I would just pretend like it never happened and treat her like a student and not someone who accidentally insulted you a year ago. She is most likely very embarrased and would appreciate it if things were normal.

     
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    Helper bee
    LacyLust    May 21, 2011   Ohio

    Must agree; as embarassing and mad as it might have made you @ the time; it's been over a year & I'm sure she felt pretty stupid after asking so I'd give her a break. It was probably taken as more of a blow to your ego than her trying to insult you. It sucks but I say just let it motivate you. Or blow it off and forget it. Some people just don't know when to think before they speek.

     
    14.
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    Busy bee
    xoxokristin    October 30, 2010   Tokyo, Japan

    Thanks dudes! I guess I phrased it wrong- it hasn't been a year, this happened a few months ago, which was last year, December. But I won't hold a grudge. I mean I don't hold a grudge. It's just so awkward you know? I am an awkward person to begin with and when something awkward is hanging in the air... like she never apologized the first time around, so it's just THERE. Hanging out. Bein' awkward. I will try to be as normal as possible! Got my cool shades on! Cool

     
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    His Barista    September 4, 2010   Spokane, WA

    Yes...at work no less.  Ugh! You can't slap someone from across the counter...(I kid, I kid. I wouldn't slap them).

    I understand you are annoyed, but since it's been a year I would laugh it off. = )

     
    16.
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    Buzzing
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    MrsSl82be    October 24, 2009  

    You could make light of it and when you see her say something like "before you ask, still not pregnant!" but make sure you do it in a joking manner. Hopefully that will get the message across that you are totally ok with it now

     
    17.
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    Honey bee
    mrbee    March 5, 2005   New York City, New York

    Is your student Japanese? Because I'm half Japanese, and a lot of Asians have very different approaches to weight than in America.  It's not that uncommon for someone to point blank tell someone else, "You've gotten fat."

    When I see my wife's family (Korean), they will sometimes tell me, "You've gained 5 pounds."  What's amazing is that they often get the weight gain exactly right, down to the precise pound!  I don't know how they do it, but it's a true skill.

    Anyway I recently lost weight, and one of the reasons is that I was dreading seeing my relatives and this way, there will be less conversation about my waistline!

     
    18.
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    Bee Keeper
    lilyfaith    June 23, 2012   Lakeview, Chicago

    @Mr. Bee - oh, my grandpa's like that! He's German, but also strangely accurate. 

    To the OP - ugh, what an awkward situation. Just smile, be confident, and take control of the situation. It happens more than you might think, and like others have said, it's more about the clothes than you. 

    PS: My wedding dress has an empire waist (sort of)! I hope no one thinks it's a shotgun wedding (with a 2 1/2 year engagement?!) 

     

     
    19.
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    Busy bee
    xoxokristin    October 30, 2010   Tokyo, Japan

    @mrbee: yeah, she's Japanese but I could tell she was really embarrased. But I know what you mean- Asian families are so blunt about weight! My mom and my aunts always comment on my weight, and then talk about it at the table like I'm not there. Harsh!

     
    20.
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    MightySapphire      

    @lilyfaith: I meant empire waisted shirts, not dresses.  It just seems like empire waisted shirts are ONLY made in maternity styles, and I was always very wary to wear them with my "birthing hips" (thanks dad).  Dresses are a different story!  I'm sure your wedding dress will be fine!

     
    21.
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    Bee Keeper
    lilyfaith    June 23, 2012   Lakeview, Chicago

    @mightysapphire: I know, I was kidding. ;) Although it is worrisome because my stomach is the only part of me that bloats out obnoxiously when I'm stressed, didn't eat, did eat, etc.

    @xoxokristen - let us know how it goes... I hope it's not terribly awkward for you!

     
    22.
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    Busy bee
    xoxokristin    October 30, 2010   Tokyo, Japan

    For closure, she didn't apologize and I didn't bring it up. We ignored the issue completely. So what's more awkward, hive, leaving things unsaid or talking things out?

     
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    mssushi    March 2009   Hershey, PA / Kaneohe, HI

    THIS:

    "a lot of Asians have very different approaches to weight than in America.  It's not that uncommon for someone to point blank tell someone else, "You've gotten fat."" (from Mr. Bee)

    Must be an Asian thing, my mom is EXACTLY the same way.

    I personally would just leave things unsaid. Let by gones be bygones.

     
    24.
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    Bumble bee
    Vitsippa    October 10, 2010  

    She probably felt bad about it and might even be extra nice this time around.

    As for Asians being brutally honest about weight gain, it's true! My Mom and aunts are all the same way! I'm a big girl and I hate it, and they know I hate it so they know to watch their tongue but it's friggen annoying.

     
    25.
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    Sugar bee
    slicey19      

    I think you need to take culture into account here. The Japanese are all about saving face and I think that includes just letting it go. Since months have passed, if she didn't appologize the first time, I would not expect her to bring it up again thus making you both feel awkard once again. It was just a mistake, months have pasted and you just need to forget it happened in order to maintain your professional relationship. Chalk it up to the low number of pregnant women in Japan and the fact that almost every woman in Japan wears a size "medium" and hopefully you can laugh about it.

     

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