(Closed) Long-time waiter sees another friend engaged vent

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1231 posts
Bumble bee

@Isilme:  I’m sorry it’s such a tough time. ๐Ÿ™


I hate that a girl shouldn’t “force” a guy to do what he said he was going to do, but we as women are just supposed to hang around and wait for a step that they promise will come but always gets pushed back for some reason or another. I see that as being forced to wait on something they may never actually do! (I’m in a similar issue, if you couldn’t tell. lol)



Post # 4
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

awe. I am really sorry about your furbaby. I still cry over my lost babies. ): Sorry about what you are dealing with. Does he know you want to be married? If he is just being stubborn I would probably start contemplating on moving on. That’s just what I would do though. You should go out and buy yourself something nice, get your hair/ nails done, get a smoothie etc… just have a me day.  I hope you get to feeling better.

Post # 5
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I mean, if I love him for the long haul, I love him for the long haul even if I don’t like parts of it.

When I read this, all I could think was how you are embodying what this whole thing on love is about. You realize that your two interests conflict at the moment, but you love him enough to be working through it. That, above everything else here at the hive, is what love is. 

However, I completely understand that you need to vent a little. Much like MissCallieJean, I agree that I find this whole “we’re going through this together, every life decision, except when we can get married- I’m in charge of that- I’ll decide.” I think it’s utter bullshit. 

Post # 6
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I followed you back when I was a waiter (different username), and I feel your pain. My sister is in a similar situation, too. Not quite as long as you guys, but almost as long. It sucks and it’s not fair that the guy seems to always be the one who makes that decision. And I know people will say you should just propose to him but I know I wouldn’t have wanted to, I’m too traditional. Kudos to you for waiting without going to extremes, but I hope he does something soon. And I’m so sorry to hear about your pet, I know that must be difficult and doesn’t make this time any better. I’ll be keeping an eye out for YOUR engagment post, I know it’s going to happen for you!!

Post # 7
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I understand your ened to vent, but I personally have never understood why people let the good fortune of others be a reflection on themselves. Your friends getting married has nothing to do with you and your relationship, and I’m sure you know that many of those relationships won’t last anyway. Examine your relationship on its own merits with no reference to anyone else’s, and be strong. This grieving process is important for your relationship as well as for you as an individual.

Post # 10
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I am sorry you are still in this situation-

I hope you find an easier time to dealing with him not wanting to be married.

Good luck!

Post # 11
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Are you guys hoping to have children together?  And if so, is that on hold until after marriage?  

My Fiance turns 50 this year, and he’s never been married.  And to be honest, he’d probably be just fine if we never got married, but stayed together forever.  However, he knows that getting married is important to me, for a variety of reasons.  I just get the feeling that either your Boyfriend or Best Friend doesn’t know how important marriage is to you (yes, you’ve talked about it, but does he know how it makes you feel?) OR he doesn’t care.  If it’s the first one, then him dragging his feet is more acceptable because he’s not intentionally hurting you.  But if he truly understands how much you want to be married, and why, and then he’s basically ignoring that… well, let’s just say that would suck.  It’s wonderful that you’re in it for the long haul no matter what, and I would have been too if Fiance didn’t want to get married, but his lack of understanding/respect for your desires regarding a major life event is saddening.  ((hugs))

Maybe seeking out some counseling would be a good option instead of resorting to the anti-depressants?  You don’t feel like “you” now, but my guess is the meds won’t make you feel like “you” either.  I had a brief stint on zoloft, and yes, it put me on an even keel and took away the extreme lows, but it also took away the extreme highs.  

Post # 12
2742 posts
Sugar bee

I was wondering where you had gone to. I’ve been following your story for a while. I know you didn’t ask for it, but I’m telling you, I know good things are coming to you. I remember you and GwenVonD and now she’s engaged and getting married to J. Your time will come too. I know you are in it for the long haul and I totally respect that. I honestly don’t know even one female in my circle of friends/acquaintances that have the love and perseverance that you have. Kudos.

Post # 13
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@Isilme:  Out of all the waiting bees, I’m so sorry that you’re still in this situation. 15 years is an extremely long time to be with someone without a proposal. I admire you for not pressuring him, and accepting that you are happy with him and your relationship, but you’re just not happy that it’s moving forward towards marriage.

I think talking to your doctor about your possible depression is a step in the right direction. You’re recognizing that you don’t feel like yourself, and haven’t for a really long time. I think talking with your doctor or even just a counselor will help you grieve the loss of the little member of your family and help you to move on. Hopefully, your SO will surprise you soon and help you get to where you want to be!

Post # 15
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m very sorry to hear about your loss. 

I’ve been in a sort of simliar situation in the past. A few years ago, it seemed like all my younger family members (cousins mainly, but also my little sister) were getting engaged and married. I was single at the time, and some family members really bothered me by being all “Oh you should hurry up, your the older sister, aren’t you supposed to be married first! Isn’t it so crazy that so-and-so is younger than you and getting married? blablabla.” the comments really hurt!

Post # 16
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m glad you’re back Isilme… although I wish it were with an engagement announcement ๐Ÿ™

So sorry about your fur baby… I lost my 2 17year old girls this year too, and it was tough, but knowing that I did the best I could for them, and gave them a great life helped me through it.  When you’re ready, why don’t you adopt a new kitten or another adult cat?  You’ll feel good knowing that your baby’s passing has made a space in your home to save another life ๐Ÿ™‚  Or how about volunteering at a local rescue shelter?  I’m willing to bet that pouring some of your energy into something positive like that would make you feel better about your relationship too.

I think you’re on the right track to talk to your Dr. about medication… I think talking to a therapist would actually be better, but I think I recall you saying something about your SO not supporting talk therapy?


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