(Closed) Long Time Waiting.

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m not sure what advice to give but I feel for you. That must be really frustrating knowing you could get going while he’s fallen behind 🙁

Post # 4
Member
557 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@ccolli23:  I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend and I are also highschool sweathearths, we have been together for 8 years, and living together for almost 2. We are madly inlove, I love him dearly and I know he feels the same way, we have our future all planned out, a house, kids… the all story. BUT… he doesn’t propose. I’m stuck waiting, and in the same “title” of girlfriend I had when we were 15 years old, and I feel very insecure about it. We too are out of luck… he finished his degree, I failed my last year, I find a job, he finds a job, then I loose my job. I find a new job, he decides he hates his and wants to change… I don’t think it’s bad luck, it’s life. Life get in the way. That’s way I don’t understand why he is waiting for the perfect moment for us to get engaged and married, when that moment obviously doesn’t exist… there is ALWAYS something in the way… I belive that is how life works.

I’ve talked to him about engagement and all he is saying to me is that this isn’t the right time… that we aren’t secure yet (in my opinion that is something that we will never completly be), and that he feels that he is too young (I understand this part, I think it’s important for him to feel ready… but I mean, we are 25… we are nto children anymore). And when I explained that I wanted to be engaged, let say a year long engagement, another half year to plan the wedding, a year without TTC, and then another year TTC… we will be already 30! And we both agreed that we wanted children before that… so, he was like… wow! That’s true, like he didn’t think. Men don’t think! (some of them at least).

Sorry for the long rant, I just wanted to tell you that I really understant how you feel, and I can see in your words, exactly what I feel. I can’t even speak openly about engagement because he brings up the argument: “well I can’t propose now, or you will think it’s because we have this talk”. So yeah, my advice, get as much frustration as you can here, because there are alot of other people like you… I wish you the best of luck, and hope everything turns out the way you want to. :hugs: 

Post # 5
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow, that sucks! But, he has to want it. He doesn’t care about getting married and he knows he “has” you. There’s no incentive. It’s ironic that his intense feeling of security is diminishing your own. 

Maybe try to focus in on your other goals? Or take up another hobby of your own? Sorry, just thinking of positive distractions.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee

I feel that I was kind of in a similar situation. Our three choices are almost EXACTLY the same! 1. I put off grad school to stay where he is finishing his Master’s; 2. Long-distance; 3. He follows me and basically wastes a year or two doing something he’d rather not be doing.

I’m 95% sure that #2 is out of the question. In any case the choices mean a “sacrifice” on either my or his part. I love my SO with all my heart, which means that I want both him and I to be the best we can be. So it’s a tough decision. But I feel like if we’re married, the good things we do for ourselves is also for each other. If I achieve what I want to achieve first, and he falls behind, he’ll permanently benefit from my achievement, and the same the other way around. So it doesn’t matter if I have to wait a while for my Master’s, or if he has to wait a while for his PhD, as long as we’re doing things that are good for US as a couple.

I’m not sure if this makes sense, but I somehow got my point across to my SO a while ago and he responded with “Ok, so we’ll be engaged by the time we have to decide – next March!”

Before that whenever we’d discuss marriage it was along the lines of “in many years” so I think just talking to your SO and getting your point across could help 🙂

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