- 4 years ago
I am so sorry for how long this is. It is an extreme vent that has been building up for over a year!
SO’s brother, “Louis”, and I never got along. Neither one of us really ever tried to do anything more than be civil to one another. I had reasons to dislike him, and he had reasons to dislike me. Both of these are due to the opinions we have of certain types of people. I will admit, I did not act like I should have, but I almost never saw Louis, and I’m rather shy, so… I didn’t try too hard to convince myself to be more likable.
However, four to five months into my relationship with SO, a grandparent passed away who lives about 12 hours away from us. The whole family drove to this state for the funeral. My SO tells me Louis had broken up with his girlfriend, and that Louis wasn’t telling anyone because he didn’t want his parents to know (they rather liked this girl, one of the best girlfriends Louis ever dated, apparently).
I was still talking to an ex of mine, which my SO knew. I was talking to him because he always threatened to kill himself, complained about not having friends, and in general, made me feel very bad for him as I had recently dealt with my own episode of severe depression. He begged me to go out to the bar with him because he was lonely, and hated being the weird lonely guy at the bar. When I said I wouldn’t go out with him (super inappropriate without the SO or some other friends) he claimed that he would just go talk to the sad looking girl, who he described to look like Louis’ supposedly ex girlfriend.
So, I told him that the girl sounded like Louis’ ex (referring to her by her first name, a friend of mine), and that he should DEFINITELY go talk to her. Because nothing sounded better than him leaving me alone and finding some other poor girl to whine to. Yes. That was a very selfish move, but I was desperate as this guy was really starting to rub my SO the wrong way and our relationship was finally getting serious. I just wanted my ex to leave me alone, but didn’t want to deal with the guilt of leaving a depressed person all alone.
Apparently he didn’t talk to the girl at the bar but hunted down the girl by her first name in my facebook friends, and started messaging her. I have no idea what was said. Louis’ ex added my ex as a friend, and Louis got very upset. There was a big fight between the two, over the phone, the day before the funeral.
So, the funeral passed, and an event that was centered on Louis came around. Louis made it clear to his parents, who were funding this event, which he didn’t want to see me and if I came along he may seriously harm me.
The parents called a family meeting and things went to hell. Lots of yelling and getting called many inappropriate names. His parents backed me up, told Louis that he had no right to say what he said to me, and until he got over himself and apologized to me, he was not allowed to come into their home.
I never got an apology. For a few months we refused to be in the same zip code as Louis and his girlfriend, as apparently, according to his parents, were never broken up. We eventually were capable of being in the same room, so we could stop worrying SO’s parents so much.
Now. About 16 months later. Louis is engaged to this girlfriend. SO is supposed to be a groomsman in the wedding. SO told him that he wouldn’t be in the wedding, wouldn’t even be a guest, if I didn’t get an apology. Well, apparently Louis can’t apologize, because he just admitted to his girlfriend about some indiscretions that occurred while they were “not broken up”. And she’s mad at me. Because I caused them. Apparently.
I don’t even know why I wrote this. Maybe just to vent. It’s been bothering me for 16 months. Why? Because my family is very important to me, and I feel like I caused all this family drama. I feel like it’s my fault that the family may have serious issues because SO is standing up for me. And it has been bothering me because I really, honestly, feel like it is my fault. And I hate that. I have apologized for introducing, in a haphazard way, my ex to Louis’ girlfriend, to both Louis and his girlfriend. I have apologized to SO’s parents for causing this drama.
But I still feel bad, because things are still stressful, especially with this wedding coming up. Because I don’t want to go, but SO wants me to come, along with his parents. I have agreed to go, unless SO decides not to go, obviously then I wouldn’t go because I will support whatever decision he makes about this, because it is his family and he knows it better than I do.
(Quick age reference, since I would be curious in this situation. Me – 24, SO – 24, Louis– 27, Louis’ gf – 23)