- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
can i rant for a bit?
a bit of background: i am chinese-american, and FI is indian-american. both our parents immigrated to the US at least 40 years ago; mine are christian and his are hindu. we’re being very careful to respect both cultures/religions and plan the wedding as neutrally as possible. both parents are very excited and supportive of our relationship.
Anyway – i just found out that FMIL has created and printed her own invitations to send to the friends and family in india that will not be able to attend our wedding. i found out because i asked FI today if i needed to make extra invitations for anyone in india, and he said “nope, my mom asked if she could send her own invitations, and i said that was fine.” i was cool with this idea, just a little surprised bc i didnt know about it. when i told him i hadn’t heard of this before, he forwarded me an email from his mom w/ a pic of her printed invite (from three months ago). I was first just surprised that FMIL only emailed the pic to FI and never asked my opinion or showed me (she emails and texts me sometimes with pictures and stuff, and CCs me on a lot of family emails too). but then i SAW the invite and started getting pissed.
1) first thing i noticed was that FMIL and FFIL’s names were at the very top of the invite in bold lettering as the wedding hosts. FI and I are so lucky that both sets of parents are contributing to the wedding (in almost equal amounts, although my parents are giving a bit more), so that raised an eyebrow.
2) FI’s name came next, followed by each of his grandparents’ names (including 3 deceased ones). found this unusual, but fine
3) my name was listed after FI’s (no mention of grandparents, why not?) — still fine, but this is what finally got me: my parents names were listed underneath my name IN PARENTHASES. wtf??? this upsets me.
4) the other upsetting thing: the only design on the invitation was the header logo of one of the Hindu gods. I 100% respect their religion, but i feel like this is TOTALLY unfair. My parents have made a huge effort to not include any of their religion in the wedding at my request, and they totally understand (even though religion is super important to them). Also, isn’t this invitation supposed to represent me and FI?? Neither of us are hindu, and his mother knows this.
I tried to rationalize that maybe this was just standard Hindu/Indian invitation wording, but i googled around and it seems like Indian invitation etiquette is very similar to what we have here. the rest of the invitation was worded very formally and properly, too.
Am i overreacting by feeling insulted and somewhat offended by this? i’m going to have a talk with FI about this when he gets home from work (i really think he shouldve consulted with me before giving his mom the OK, and made sure i’d seen the invitation first too. i’m sure he barely looked at it and dismissed it) but i also feel a little frustrated that theres not much else i can do. I dont think its a big enough deal to create drama over and stop his mom from sending them to india (i also dont want to make her feel horrible); the most i can do is insist that she cannot send these to any of the guests she wants to invite that will actually come, especially those in the US. I strongly feel that those guests should get the invitations that FI and I designed and are sending to everyone else, right? its not like my parents sent out their personal invites to only their family and friends with the chinese double happiness characters intertwined with a jesus fish.
also, i have no idea who or how many people she is sending these too. ive been assured that its only going to people overseas who “for sure” wont be able to come, but i’m slightly worried that a certian % will surprise everyone and RSVP yes and catch me completely off guard at the last minute.
SIGH! thanks for making it through this giant rant/wall of text. i just had to vent somewhere! please feel free to slap me, though, if i’m being completely bridezilla unreasonable.