Post # 1
so…i seem like the only one in my family who really cares im getting married. my mom is paying for most of it, and his parents said they’d help and with 6 months to go, they still havent told us how much they’d help. my mom is married, but is pretty much a single mom of 5. neither male figure help out financially. my mom has already bought my dress and put a deposit on the reception hall. now due to family emergencies, my mom has had to dive into the wedding fund to fly her and her husband to utah (from wi) twice already, so it leaves me trying to pay for everything out of pocket when im saving to move out….his parents arent helping…arent even offering knowing my moms situation but keep saying, they will. i work during the day, my fi works at night so he has time to look for the things he wants…ie….dj, cake and other things he is really picky about. i really dont care about either, and im making invitations myself so i ask him to help out. and although he says he will……he doesnt. typical male. but to make matters worse, we dont even have a freaking guest list. his mom sits on her butt 7 nights a week and watches tv then complains that she has no time to do anything. ive been on her (and him) for the guest list but NO!!!! i just want to scream. she says she will start it next week but i’ve been around her tooo long!! she has the whole week off, and i know she is just going to sit on her [email protected]@ and watch stupid tv shows or play computer games. sorry this is long…just needed to vent!
Post # 4
Grrrrrr – I had terrible problems getting a guest list from my FI and his mom. And when it finally came they had left off obvious family members, and there were no addresses, and then after sending STDs I found out that several addresses were incorrect…
Some of this may be a blessing in disguise, as it sounds like your budget is in the air. Do you have a good idea how many guests you can afford? If so you have a start on the list – in knowing how many seats are available. Assume you get at least half, and fill those up. Sit your FI’s butt down and force him to cough up the names and locations of his grandparents and major aunts and uncles -hopefully you can dexknows their addresses. You will have a few seats left for his friends – let him know how many. You can probably actually fill in a lot of those yourself – the friends that you know and like. Then – viola – you have a guest list. Disseminate that list and let everyone know that invitations will be sent out on such-and-such date, and anyone not added to the list by then (if you actually have space left) is not invited. People will come out of the woodwork once your FI and his mom think its too late. Pad your schedule by a couple of weeks to allow for that. This may also be a good way to get FI and FILs to finally cough up an estimate of what they can contribute – when they find out they don’t get to invite great-aunt Esther, or his mom’s Bunco buddies, because there isn’t enough money.
Post # 5
take a deep breathe. You still got time and if your fmil still insisted putting off getting you the guestlist and doesn’t get it to you in time, then send out the invite without her guestlist (will only save you money and it would be none other than her own fault). If you and your fiance are reasonable with the request, then i wouldn’t worry about it. With all the emotional attachments and lack of (by other parties) involved with wedding planning, it is easy to get upset (i know i’ve done that). I would just recommend screaming on weddingbee and not at your fmil. You still want a relationship with her after all this is over. Give her a deadline and see if she will respond better to that. Goodluck..and don’t let things stress you out! Hugs
Post # 6
Want to know what I did? I went to FMIL’s house with a sheet of paper and said okay I have two hours to knock out this list, as I need it finalized by the end of this week. Let’s go through your phonebook and I’ll write them down. Plain and simple- if you are there then there can be no excuse not to get it done. My FMIL procrastinated for over two months to get it done, so that’s pretty much how I get her to do things. Go with her & make her do it.
As far as your FH- well you’re gonna have to put the foot down on that. He either helps or you let him get away with not helping. If you start letting him get away with things now, well… you get the idea.
And as far as your mother/his parents helping with the wedding, well I suggest getting a 2nd job. I know planning a wedding is hard enough on its own, but not everyone’s families can afford to help out, so just don’t rely on them. At least this way you don’t have to worry about getting that $$ from anyone else.
Post # 7
We told our parents if we don’t have complete names/addresses/contact info for their guests then we will not be able to invite them. Worked like a charm! After we got their lists we ran them through the USPS zip code validator to make sure the addresses were correct (many were not, ie using "street" instead of "avenue").