Post # 1
I have a small circle of very, very close friends, whom I love dearly. We live in different cities and don’t see each other often, but we communicate every day.
Two are engaged, and one of their weddings is in Winter 2012. I’m supposed to be a bridesmaid in both weddings, but something really interesting has come up and I don’t know how to handle it, so I thought I’d ask the bees!
I was recently approached with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity (that I’m not yet at liberty to provide details about). It’s something that would really enrich my life, not to mention improve my resume.
I really really want to do it, and haven’t been this excited about anything in a long time, but if I follow through, I will miss the Winter 2012 wedding.
A little more background: I’m not currently attached, and have been a bit anxious about watching all my friends get engaged- they’re dropping like flies : ) I’m so, so happy for everyone, genuinely, and I am an enthusiastic bridesmaid for sure (hence my loving Weddingbee with no groom or wedding date). However, this opportunity is not only awesome in and of itself, but also perfect timing as I’m feeling kind of stagnant in life.
So, my question is this: How would you (the bride) respond to this? My friend means more to me than anything, so if missing her wedding is going to permanently damage our friendship, I won’t do it.
I just want to know what to expect, and how to read between the lines in case she’s overly lax about it.
Post # 3
Are you completely sure you will not make it to the wedding?
I understand you wanting to be there for your friend but if she is your friend she would have to understand that this is an amazing opportunity that will improve your career and its something that you want to do. I hope your friend is as excited as you and is able to understand. She might feel a little let down that you will not be there but don’t read too much into it unless she gets really upset.
I don’t know how she would react really because I don’t know you or your relationship with your friend or the kind of opportunity you got. In any case Congratulations and good luck!
Post # 4
I’d be disappointed, but I’d understand! As important as my wedding is to me, I realize friends have their own lives and if some big opportunity came along for someone important to me I wouldn’t want them to miss it. Good luck!
Post # 5
Sit her down and tell her EXACTLY what you said here. =)
Post # 6
knowing how close I am with my BFF (she also lives in a different state but stay in close contact)..I would be as equally as conflicted! I would also be genuinly excited for my friend and her opportunity but I would miss her dearly if she couldn’t make it… I already miss my BFF and we talk all the time!
Post # 7
without a lot of details, it’s hard to determine. But it sounds like your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity doesn’t come this often. In that case, I will be honest to the bride and tell her you want to step down as Bridesmaid or Best Man due to this opportunity of yours.
Will you still be able to attend the wedding? Or any of the parties prior to wedding? I had a friend getting married overseas and I don’t have vacation + money to fly over. I just attend the b-party instead.
I think it really depends on the “opportunity” you are referring to. If this happens a few times every year and you can always postpone a few months to do it, then maybe you should re-consider.
Some of my friends are going to Olympics instead of my wedding. Granted olympics is every 4 years, but everyone has their priority. I am not that bummed out. At least they are honest about it, It’s their loss!
If I were you, unless this is my family member’s wedding (then I will have to re-consider), I would put job before weddings.
Post # 8
I happen to think that I am a pretty laid back bride. I am also a little bit selfish when it comes to life enriching opprotunities, so keep that in mind.
If I had a bridesmaid who had a once in a lifetime golden lifetime opprotunity awaiting her v.s. attending my wedding I would feel like a terrible friend if I asked her to skip out on a life changing opprotunity.
My personal opinion is to go for your opprotunity. See if you can skype in for the wedding, record a video to send to her on that day or something to be a part of her day, but don’t lessen your future life for her one day. just my opinion.
Post # 9
I can only answer this as if you were one of my bridesmaids. I would be disappointed, but understanding, especially if you let me know ahead of time. If my best friend came to me and said that she would be unable to attend my wedding due to this once in a lifetime chance and something that could help her out, who am I to stand in her way. Afterall I know that while she wouldn’t be there on my wedding day, I know that she’ll stick with my through my marriage and thats what is important to me. 🙂
Post # 10
I would have to say, that I’d be really disappointed for me, but ecstatic for you! I have always been supportive of my friends lives/careers, and understand that a wedding is only one day. As much as I’d love to have a dear friend there on my day, I’d completely understand if the reason was legit (and it sounds like it would be!)
On a side note, you sound like my Maid/Matron of Honor as far as where you are in your life. Honestly, if something came up that could make such a difference in her life, I’d boot her ass down the road to take it! I hate seeing her sad and stuck, and if it meant missing my wedding to make her life take off, hells ya I’d support her!
I think if you explain to your friend the way you put it here, she shouldn’t begrudge you the opportunity. Maybe you can assist her in some way, or attend a shower or something prior still to be part of it. And I’d work as hard as you can to make it back, just don’t make a promise to her you can’t keep!
Good luck, whatever it is, it sounds exciting for you!
Post # 11
I personally would never be mad, or have a friend stop their life for my wedding. It’s only a one day event. There is no reason that it should stop anyone from living their life.
But I would want to know about the change so I can change my own plans, such as getting another bridesmaid or whatever else that needs to be done.
Post # 12
Thanks for the responses, everyone! I’m almost tearing up because I feel so torn- even if she’s as supportive as you all are, I’ll still feel really sad about missing that moment in her life.
@lamkky: it’s something that I’d be chosen to do, and if chosen, I have no control over the schedule. I’m rather OCD so if I could manipulate it to work around the wedding date, I would, lol!
I should still be able to attend the bachelorette party, so I guess that’s something.
Post # 13
I would be disapointed, but i would undestand
Post # 14
I would tell your friend about your opportunity. Just talk to her.
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I would hope your friend would understand, but I would talk to her about it as soon as possible. If she doesn’t understand, that’s not a good sign for your friendship, honestly.
Post # 16
I would want you to do it if you were my friend. Your giving her plenty of notice too. Personally I would feel terrible if I knew a friend missed a great opportunity to come to my wedding. I say go for it!