looking for opinions

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly, this is something that her father needs to address. You trying to step in with parenting is only going to make things worse, and she’s quite likely to get more bratty.

The only thing I would do is perhaps ask her if she wants to try some healthy things that you’re making for yourself. Beyond that, it’s likely to get nasty.

Have you talked to your FI about her attitude? Is his parenting contributing to these problems?  For a teenage girl, the relationship she has with her dad is very important. She needs to feel like she matters, and that she isn’t competing with you.

I really think this is something that needs to be left to your FI and the girls’ mom.

Post # 3
Member
7075 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

So…what happens if you don’t buy her those foods?

Post # 6
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

4everbee:  well there’s the problem. the mother is feeding into it. poor kid.

first off, you and your FI need to set ground rules about food. in my parents’ house, there’s only one dinner made. if you don’t like it, then there’s always cold cereal or peanut butter and jelly. that’s always been the rule. my mother only made one dinner at night. if my brother or i didn’t like it, we ate a sandwich. it’s a rule i’ll use with my children, because it’s effective. if she doesn’t like what you’re making? she can make a sandwich.

stop buying the junk food. she’ll either give up, or her mother will throw a nitfit. her mother can come and see that yes, there is food in your house. if there’s food that can be eaten, she doesn’t have a foot to stand on. it’s not like she can take your FI to court for neglect.

Post # 7
Member
8418 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

4everbee:  It sounds like her parents are enabling her, I can’t imagine there is much you can do about it.  Sorry you’re in such a tough situation.

Post # 9
Member
405 posts
Helper bee

Different parenting styles will be really hard to deal with.  My uncle and his long time GF had to break up because of it.  Anywho, it is none of your business how much she weighs and it is not your job to try to make her lose it.  If you are concerned for her health, talk to her father in private and ask that she be taken to a doctor for a professional opinion.  FYI, children sometimes grow like weeds and they look like beanpoles before they develop their hips, shoulders, etc. and fill out.  Or, sometimes they are more ‘chunky’ for a while before they sprout up.  It is not healthy for child to be on a diet.  Eating healthy foods and having an active lifestyle, absolutely.  But do not make this poor girl feel bad about the way she looks or you are setting her up for major issues down the road.

Post # 13
Member
12 posts
Newbee

I’m not an expert, but this sounds like more of a behaviour issue than a food-specific issue. Throwing a temper tantrum over a vegetable is probably not about the vegetable. Maybe some family counselling would be beneficial, either for all of you, or you and your FI together to begin with. I feel like there is something more going on here.

Post # 14
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Your FI could change her behaviour if he wanted to.  I’ve seen children act completely differently around different caregivers, because they know exactly who can be manipulated and who won’t put up with that nonsense.  I’d channel your frustration with the daughter into frustration with her father, because her parents are at fault here, not her.  The question isn’t “Why is she acting up?”, it’s “Why is your FI allowing her to?”  I’m sure your FI does/did other things you disagree with, you can handle this situation the same way.          

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