Post # 1
Before I go any further, this is not a post asking for advice about how to breastfeed. This is not a post asking about the benefits of breasfeeding. I have done a ton of research and education, and I know the science. However, for personal and private reasons, breastfeeding is not the right thing for me or my family. Thanks in advance for not expressing judgment or criticism on this thread.
OK! Sorry for the downer lead in. But I have some questions for those who chose not to breastfeed:
- Did you get ugly comments in the hospital or did anyone at the hospital try to pressure you into it?
- Do you have any advice for how to tell nurses that you’re not breastfeeding?
- How long did it take your milk to dry up? Was it painful? Did you express at all to help relieve pressure?
- Do you have any advice for how to tell friends/others that you’re not breastfeeding in a friendly and not-defensive, but still firm way?
Thanks! I really appreciate any advice on this topic, which is SO hard to discuss with people in a calm and supportive way….
Post # 3
I didn’t do it from the beginning, but I started formula feeding Addie at about 2.5 weeks, and I haven’t breastfed since. I’ll only answer the questions I can answer.
3. It took about 4 days for it to mostly dry up, but it took a month or two for it to fully dry up. I still leaked a little bit until Addie was maybe 2.5-3 months old. However, if you know you are not going to breastfeed, you can ask for medicine in the hospital to dry up your milk. I also heard from a friend that sage works, but you will want to ask your doctor, of course, before starting anything. Also, bring very tight sports bras and/or Ace bandages to the hospital to bind your chest. The tighter, the better, imo. It feels a lot better to have them tight than to wear your nursing/regular bras. And I used cold cabbage leaves while my milk was drying up. It feels so good. I did not express at all, but I did leak a lot, especially in the shower. It can be a little painful, but if you’re doing it after birth, you might be taking some pain killers anyway. If not, definitely ask about an ibuprofen, or something.
4. I didn’t/don’t tell anyone. It’s not their business. If someone asks me if I’m breastfeeding, I just say that it didn’t work out, but my baby’s healthy and happy so we must be doing something right! I used to hear comments from my mom about how I should have stuck with it, but I told her that saying those things hurt my feelings, and she’s quite a bit better now than she was in the beginning. If it’s someone close to you, be upfront and tell them that it’s your body/baby and they don’t get a choice. If it’s someone you’re not close with, just shrug it off and change the subject.
Post # 4
I know that my hospital mentioned that they encourage it so if I knew I wasn’t planning on breastfeeding I’d make sure to tell my nurses from the beginning and ask them to make a note on my chart/room sign so I wouldn’t get repeatitive questions about it.
BUT also expect that there may be cases where hospital personnel assumes that you’re breastfeeding and mentions something.
Try not to get too annoyed but just continue to calmly restate that you won’t be. A response of “No, I’ve made a personal choice not to, I’ve done the research and I’m not changing my mind” doesn’t leave much room for debate – if you just say “No, I’m not” people may think that it’s up for discussion.
Post # 5
I know I’m not who you are looking for answers from but I can answer my experience for the first two questions.
1.) I got more push to bottle feed than to breast feed at the hospital I was at. The amount of formula I was given was extensive. He was even given a pacifier after his circumcision.
2.) I was asked about an hour after birth if were were bottle or breastfeeding and on the bassinet he was brought to me in there was a little card that stated his name, stats, and had a spot for if he was to be bottle or breastfed with a checkmark in the appropriate box. Once that card was there, no questions were asked so I hope you have as easy a time once you are asked that question.
Post # 6
I think the advice to not even talk about it is a good one. Its not their business. I DO plan to breastfeed, but I don’t think I’ll respond to anyone who is asking whether I do or don’t. Kind of like they don’t need to know my birth plan. 🙂 Good luck! Sorry that people can be nosy.
Post # 7
Well, I don’t have kids yet and I plan on breastfeeding when I do. I’m not going to try to change your mind or tell you that you are wrong for choosing formula, that’s your choice to make.
I just wanted to mention something: Even going the formula route, you may want to consider giving your baby the colostrum.
Post # 8
I posted about this a few months ago and got a few helpful responses (along with some criticism of course). You can find my post here http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/pressure-to-breastfeed Good Luck – You’re not alone!
Post # 9
I like when people say they aren’t going to give advice and then they do.
Anyway, I’m glad you asked these questions. I know I’m not going to breastfeed (I’m due any day!) and I can kid myself and tell myself I am going to but I know I won’t stick with it. When people ask me if I am planning to breastfeed I’ve been saying ” OMG I have to feed it?!” lol. Nobody’s business. I mean seriously, worry about your own kid. And when our babies are 5, no one is going to give a crap how they were fed as infants.
Post # 10
so I guess i will start with no, no one was judgemental to me and honestly i could have cared less afterwards, I had a horrible labor and delivery and i dont think i pyshically could have anyway. But when I healed up after the emergency c section and we got home, I tried to breastfeed with no sucess, I couldnt even get an ounce out of both my breast. Well all that did was get me mastitis in both breast, a trip to the doctor and a threat of surgery if it happened again. That was all i needed to give up on breastfeeding. My best friend and I had our daughters within weeks of one another ( mine first lol) and she breastfeed and I didnt. And let me tell you what I have found out for the disadvantages and advantages of both from my point. My friend lost all her baby weight quickly, and of course her daughter benefited from it BUT her daughter refuses bottles, sippy cups, ect. AND our daughters are both 13 months old. With my daughter however, She gained alot of independance from being a formula/ bottle baby. At 6 months she took herself off of the bottle and only took a sippy cup, 11 months old she took herself off formula, and at 12 months taught herself how to hold a cup and suck out of the straw. I didnt get the luxury of losing the baby weight like my best friend did, but I wouldn’t change it at all.
Post # 11
Hope it’s okay if I add my tips in here. I am a very pro breastfeeder for myself but didn’t know that about me the first time I had my son. I found that although the hospital encouraged formula at first because my son wouldn’t nurse…everyperson will ask you, tell you what they think is right. Strangely, several times, people I don’t know come up to me and ask if I am bf’d my baby (2nd child is 11 months now) and I replied a very short “yes”. I got very condescending “good girl” (I am 31!). I felt it very rude because if I couldn’t bf (my first child took 7 weeks to bf normally), that would have felt like a big jab at the heart. I always felt like what right did they have and whose business is it to tell me how I should be raising my child? (when it’s about whether you cloth diaper or not, formula or breastfeed).
If you don’t want to, make sure you have someone-it doesn’t have to be you-to tell the Dr and nurses to write on your chart not to pursue questions of breastfeeding unless asked by you. I found that regardless of me breastfeeding-the amount of people in my face, asking questions, telling me what I SHOULD (in their eyes) be doing, what my baby should be exactly like, etc etc…drove me over the edge! You don’t need to be made to feel bad because of your choices.
You could always flat out lie and say that you have “IGT” Insufficient glandular tissue that affects your ability to breastfeed. Or not.
Post # 12
No advice, just want to say stay strong and do what you feel is best for your family and your baby. Lately i have had my husbands family giving me a hard time on the details such as the nursery paint color and it makes me so frustrated so i cant imagine arguing with someone about what to do or not do with my breasts.
Post # 13
I did not breastfeed for EXTREMELY personal reasons, and it completely pissed me off when people would say “Just breastfeed for a few weeks” or “I’d rather starve my baby than give him formula” Once someone says no, the discussion should end right there.
- Did you get ugly comments in the hospital or did anyone at the hospital try to pressure you into it? Not really, but they sent in a lactation consultant which I declined.
- Do you have any advice for how to tell nurses that you’re not breastfeeding? “I’m not breastfeeding” is all you have to say. Don’t explain yourself.
- How long did it take your milk to dry up? Was it painful? Did you express at all to help relieve pressure? I was sore and leaky for about a week. I just lived with it.
- Do you have any advice for how to tell friends/others that you’re not breastfeeding in a friendly and not-defensive, but still firm way? I always stuck to “I’m not comfortable discussing my breasts with you, thanks for your concern.”
People are RUDE. You just have to shut them down right away or they will not shut up about it.
Post # 14
I have to tell you that I didn’t breast feed and don’t regret it for a second. Yadda, I have heard all the reasons, but it would never have worked for me. My son is now 18, more than 6 feet tall, never had more than a cold, never had ear infections, and is smart as a whip. I never let anyone make me feel guilty for the decisions that I made in raising my son, I and I alone knew what was best for the two of us. You have to be the parent and make the choices, this is your time to be the parent, not theirs.
1) Just tell them that it is your decision and that anything further is none of their business.
2) Just say no thank you. If they push it, push back and say “I said no thank you, and that is my final word on the subject”.
3)I think it was a month, or just shy of, and yes it was painful. They offered me a pill to help, but it caused migranes. They may have something better these days. Follow the instructions on this one and wear a super tight sports bra. I did go against medical instructions a few times and take a steaming hot shower to help relieve, but that may have made the process longer.
4) I would explain as little as possible, it really is none of their business. “We have decided not to, but thank you for inquiring” or “I don’t want to bore you with our medical decisions”
Post # 15
I haven’t had children yet….but I don’t plan on breastfeeding. Fiance is always on my case when we have this discussion, with his main argument being the health benefits. Along with the rest of my family!
I’m sure you know you’re not alone…but I just figured I’d add to the army. 🙂
Post # 16
I plan on breastfeeding myself, but I will say that I myself was NOT breastfed. My mom said I wouldn’t even do it. I insisted on the bottle, apparently. If it makes you feel any better–I turned out alright. 🙂