Post # 1
I’m trying to get my holiday blues out of the way now so I can get on with enjoying the season.
Tonight over a wonderful date over coffee and dessert, SO suggested we limit our holiday spending on each other to $50. I think this is a great idea, since we really need to save money, but I have a feeling that was his way of saying, “Sorry, I know I wanted to propose last Christmas but couldn’t afford to after being laid off. This year’s forecast doesn’t look any better, but I still want to do something nice for you.”
I love my great grandmother’s heirloom engagement ring dearly…I wish SO would be open to it. It is so special to me and wouldn’t cost any money! However, I respect that SO wants the ring to be special to both of us, and that entails him picking it out.
I’m starting to get tired of the “yearly” waiting cycle – there’s always occasions that spring up and make you think a proposal may be around the corner. Then, you get let down, when you want to be perfectly happy just to be celebrating the occasion itself. It seems to go on and on and on – holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, graduations…
Post # 3
@Starshollow: *hugs* im sorry hun i know how that feels and it truly sucks. maybe he will suprise you?
Post # 4
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Last year at this time, my Fiance and I had been together just over three years at the time. We had been living together for most of that time, even moved 6 hours away from our friends and his family b/c he got a new job. With the move and getting used to spending a LOT more in rent than we had before, I seriously had no idea when we would ever get engaged. But he surprised me on Christmas Day with a proposal, I couldn’t have been more surprised. I had NO idea!
Post # 5
Well I think you should let him know how it makes you feel. My boyfriend is super nerdy so when he had me read a preparing for marriage book with him I thought he was just being nerdy and gathering information. It was only when he (casually) asked me what type of ring did I want that I realize that he was thinking about getting married. When he asked me that I though he ws going to propose in the next few days. When he didnt I was crushed. And after a discussion he told me that he was thinking about proposing and that it would happen before christmas.
You should really tell him how you feel, I know it can be scary, but tell him that it is hurting you to have to wait, especially since you have been together for so long.
its more important to really start your future together than a silly ring. Besides, if he is unhappy with your grandmothers ring he can just work on getting you a really nice ring upgrade later 🙂
Post # 6
Do you think he is waiting to propose until after the job situation works itself out? I think it is true when I hear that men don’t like to do the marriage thing until their other major life categories are in place (ie: job, car, house, whatever is important to him in that aspect). This might be the reason as to why he isn’t open to the ring you already have – it’s not about getting a ring, it’s about where he is in life right now. I’m not saying this negatively…I’m just saying it seems like he might be hoping to have his ducks in a row before taking that next step (based on what you said).
Hang in there. I know what you mean by the yearly cycle of waiting. I hated it. I used to get so sad at the end of the day on a holiday/birthday when it wouldn’t happen. He might surprise you, or he might do something just as sweet. It will be ok!
Post # 7
@Starshollow: I totally understand your thoughts. Every wedding we go to and every holiday/anniversary that passes, I feel as though it’s a reminder that we are still bf and gf. I have an equally hard time just spending time with his family. I get alot of questions from his family about when we are getting married, etc. and I am out of witty replies that don’t sound snippy but I want to say, “Why don’t you ask him?” My bf is very good with people and does not let things fluster him, so he does not share that embarrasment that I do in those situations. I think it’s also easier for them to not be concerned since it’s somewhat in their control, so there’s nothing for them to stress over since they have a plan (hopefully) in mind. One thing I have noticed is that when I’m feeling down or uncomfortable at those events, I try reverse psychology and just use my emotion in positive way to express to him how much he means to me. I think those moments really remind him how much I am there for him and his family, etc. Like everyone says, I just try to focus on wanting to be with him, and that even if I feel impatient and “can’t take it anymore,” that if I want to be with him and no one else, then I want to make sure he asks when it’s right for him and not just me. It’s hard, but that’s what I try to think about.