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Looks like I'll be here a while longer...

posted 7 months ago in Waiting
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    1.
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    tea       norcal

    The mister and I discuss our future plans (jobs, moves, engagement and marriage) fairly often, which I really appreciate being able to do. It definitely helps stave away the waiting crazies. LOL. We had another refresher conversation yesterday and in short, it looks like I'll be ringing in the New Year still firmly entrenched at #1 on the waiting list. 

    We're both looking for work and will be finalizing which state we'll live in based on where we land those coveted jobs so there's no way we can get engaged until that is settled. Makes sense, obviously, but admittedly wasn't want I wanted to hear. 

    Even if I were to score a job before the end of the year, it wouldn't leave enough time for him to move out, find a job himself and propose, which is something he's adamant about having before proposing. That's the reality of our situation but it's kind of a tough pill to swallow. 

    Though, a silver lining is he still firmly believes our plans of getting married next year are still "very, very, very realistic" which is incredibly encouraging. He also told me he doesn't plan on waiting forever to get married once we are engaged so it looks like I'll be preparing on having a fairly short engagement...good thing we already started our preliminary planning! 

    So, if you were one of the bees who was hoping for a shot at being #1, sorry to say that you'll have to wait a bit longer. :)

     
    2.
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    Buzzing bee
    spaneshal    October 19, 2012   UK

    Don't be sorry for being number 1 tea, I am so happy you have a timeline - think positive, and things might be working out more quickly than you think behind the scenes.

    Not everything has to be perfectly in line for a proposal to happen!

    Best wishes xx

     
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    metalbride    June 30, 2012  

    My FI and I were very similar to you two. We both knew we were going to get married at some point, and he told me he wanted to be done school, settled into a job and comfortable financially before proposing. He said his first large purchase after finding a job would be an engagement ring. This was when he had at least a year left of school, and was debating whether to take another 2 years.

    As it turns out, all of this was just to throw me off. About 4 months before he finished school, he surprised me by popping the question. He told me he just put me off, so it would be a total surprise.

    Not sure if your bf is the same, but there may be some hope for you yet!

     
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    DaisyCakes    December 2, 2012  

    That's so nice that you're able to talk about all those things without him feeling "pressured or rushed!" I'm glad that you two are on the same page!  Yay for having a short engagement, I'm looking for that as well ;)

     
    5.
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    tea       norcal

    @spaneshal & @metalbride: I hope so but honestly, I do believe him when he says he wants to wait until those stipulations are met. It's more than just getting engaged for him, it's about being able to provide and survive during our marriage. But time will tell!

    @DaisyCakes: reading through a lot of posts on this board, I'm incredibly blessed to have a guy who doesn't shy away from this topic. I always ask him if he feels pressured but he says that since he knows he wants to marry me, why wouldn't he want to talk about this? 

    A short engagement will probably be a blessing in disguise. I'm so ready to be his wife that I don't think I could stomach a year-long engagement!

     
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    Wannabee Mrs.G.    October 2012   Chicago

    @tea: *HUGS* I am sorry that you didn't get the news you wanted.  But it sounds like you and your SO have a great relationship, with open communication.  When you do get married, it will last because the foundation is there.  I hope the jobs come through for both of you soon so you guys can start your lives together as husband and wife.

     
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    impatientlypatient    November 24, 2012  

    I'm sorry it isn't happening quicker :(

    But at least you know that you have a wonderful man that you can be open and honest with, and he will make it happen one day soon!  January is closer than it sounds!

     
    8.
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    tea       norcal

    @Wannabee Mrs.G. & @impatientlypatient: while our situation is not ideal, he definitely is. He's been very patient, understanding, and open. Sure I might not like what he says sometimes but hey, at least he's not saying something just to make me feel better. 

     
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    misskittykakes    October 20, 2012   Nor Cal

    @tea:Sorry to hear that it's going to be a little longer than anticipated.  At least it sounds like you have an awesome SO.  I am from norcal too...sacramento area...what part of nor cal are you from??

     
    10.
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    ChicChick      

    @tea:  I'm sorry to hear that it's not going to happen as soon as you'd hope, but you and your SO are being very realistic in your approach to settling down.  At least you can rejoice in the fact that you still have a shot at a 2012 date and you won't have a long engagement!

     

     
    11.
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    tea       norcal

    @misskittykakes: I'm near the Walnut Creek area. Not too far from you!

    @ChicChick: yeah, I don't think I could handle a long engagement. We've been waiting for practically 5 years to marry each other! He's always wanted a short engagement so I've been prepping for one for a while. Thank goodness! 

    I honestly appreciate his realistic approach. I tend to be a bit idealistic about things so it's nice that he balances me out and keeps me grounded!

     
    12.
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    Miss Mochaccino    June 28, 2012  

    My FI wanted to be finished with school and certain he had a job before proposing, too.  It all came together, and as soon as he had a job contract in place he started getting everything ready for the proposal.  Little did I know . . . all the while he was preparing, he threw me off by saying his company ways sending him mixed signals and he wasn't sure about his job.  The trixter.  ;-)  

    One of the reasons my FI wanted to have a job before proposing was beacuse he thought it was more respectful to me and to my family to be in a stable position when proposing.  I am grateful to him for thinking that way, and I wouldn't be surpirised if Mr. Tea has similar ideas.  I'm not sure what would have happened if he was jobless (and if I were jobless, too).  Perhaps we would have eventually just gotten married anyway, but I can respect the fact that at least one person in the duo should ideally have a job so the marriage can get off to a stable start.  

     
    13.
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    MsMamaBear       Atlanta

    Well, good thing is the short engagement! That's always good. I'd hate to get engaged, then wait a long time to get married.

     
    14.
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    alwaysamaid      

    sorry you have to wait longer Embarassed

    I hope you guys find jobs soon!!! I know its tough out there right now. stupid economy!

    I'll be here waiting too to keep you company. *high five*

     
    15.
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    tea       norcal

    @Miss Mochaccino: That's his idea. He wants both of us, or at least him, to be able to support us as a family. I don't mind that at all because I know I'd rather not struggle to make ends meet just so we could be married. 

    @MsMamaBear: I know right? I just hope it's enough for me to get everything done! I think I would die if it lagged on for forever. Which was one of the reasons why we didn't get engaged earlier and wait it out. If we can't get married soon then why even get engaged?

    @alwaysamaid: Woot! I've got company! lol *high five!*

     
    16.
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    VickyAurea       England

    If you can still get married when you want, that's great! See, I don't care so much about when I get engaged (on days when I have my rational head on) as long as I can get married when I want (summer 2014). The only thing that would make me nervous is having less than a year to plan a wedding - I know it's totally doable and with the Bee for support, anyone can do an amazing job but... I just don't wanna stress over such a special day. If you have plans in place though already (and do not plan ahead as much as me.... I am a planning geek) then it's just happy news all around for you. He wants to marry you AND he wants it to be asap! :D

     
    17.
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    Goodatlove    August 2013  

    Sounds like you still have a positive attitude about having to wait a while longer to get engaged. Good luck with your job hunt so you can get engaged asap!

     

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