Looong Engagements, the good, the bad

posted 3 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

Commenting to follow. My SO and I are considering approx. 2 years for an engagement time to save, plan without stress, and to allow me to graduate from my M.S. program. 

 

 

@wabanzi:  What are your answers to the questions?

Post # 4
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I only got engaged in October, but we will be haing a fairly long engagement. We are planning to wed Spring/Summer 2015.

Good: I am not so stressed about wedding planning. We get to blissfully plan at our own pace and as we have ideas that make us excited. It also spreads out the spending quite a bit which is nice.

Bad:I am worried I am going to loose my wedding planning gusto. Bad answer, really, but as of now we have found more positives to it than negatives.

 

Post # 5
Member
2358 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Best was that I had plenty of time to make decisions. After months of thinking I had chosen the right colors and decor elements, bouquet, favors, hair and makeup etc, I began to hate the choices I made and I was able to change all that up to things that were miles better.

The worst was that I had to wait sooooo long to know who was really going to attend (we sent stds a year out for a dw) and couldn’t get the budget for food, centerpieces, favors, oot bags, tables and linens, etc finalized for over an entire year. Also the worst was the loooong haul in the middle when I wanted to make planning progress and it was too early to finalize anything.

Post # 6
Member
825 posts
Busy bee

Best: Plenty of time to plan, get the vendors I wanted, and save money. I wanted to have the wedding we dreamed of and a 22 month engagement gave us plenty of time to do so.

Worst: People (namely family) not taking it seriously at the beginning. 

Post # 7
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@beeintraining:  I second the thing about families not taking it seriously. Which I seriously DONT GET. We are still ENGAGED. To me saying “yes” is the same thing as saying “I do.”

 

Post # 8
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

@freshflowers:  

@beeintraining:  

 

This is one of my biggest fears! I’m sure it’s bound to come up. Long engagements are typically not the norm in my circle/family. 

Post # 10
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@busybee3791:  It probably also depends a lot on how vocal you are about wedding plans within your family circle. We have chosen to be intentionally vague because 1) we are 99% we will be eloping and 2) we don’t feel the need to have all of the opinions.

 

Post # 11
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Best part of having a long engagement (16 months here) is having plenty of time to plan things, book things, and not drive yourself crazy with time constraints. Worst thing is that your tastes can change, and there can be a lot of circumstances you can’t plan for a year out. 

Post # 12
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@wabanzi:  FI and I will be engaged for 16 months, but when we got engaged we thought it was going to be a 20 month engagement. 

The best part was having plenty of time of course to plan. We were always getting comments from vendors when we would meet with them that our wedding is so far out and we have plenty of time to plan and blah blah blah. It put a lot of pressure off of us to do things asap. We just made decisions as we had the money for them. Which is another advantage: plenty of time to save money. When FI and I got engaged we were both in school. Now we both have graduated, have full time jobs, health insurance, and are in exactly the right place in our lives to get married. Also, when I first got my job I was crazy stressed and was able to put wedding planning on hold for about 6 months while I tried to adjust to my new career.

The worst: we just want to be married already! If I had known that we would both have full time jobs immediately after graduating, I would have gotten married sooner. But of course, we couldn’t have known at the time that we would, especially with the job market the way it is. Also I agree with previous commenters who said that tastes change. I bought my wedding dress a year out and have had some dress regret. 

TL;DR: Long engagements are great, especially for young couples who want time to get their affairs in order and save money, but prepare to be antsy!

 

Post # 13
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Best- I can plan as I feel like it. There’s no rush, so I do what I’m excited about and that’s it. Planning hasn’t become a chore for me.

Worst-I’m not married yet! I want to be curled up with FI now in *our* bed, not with a cat in my parents’ house.

Post # 14
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@wabanzi:  I’m having an 18 month engagement.  That’s actual fairly normal for my area/social group.  The best part has been having more time to get things done, and especially in the early days I didn’t have to do anything unless I was feeling inspired.  The worst part is not being married already!

Post # 16
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Best: lots of time to hit up sales, find the best prices

Worst: lots of time to second-guess myself, change my mind and take on additional expenses.

 

The longer I was engaged, the more expensive my plans got.

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