Post # 1
So, we made a guest list. It’s on the smaller side… ~60 people, probably 40-45 of whom I would actually expect to come. The problem is that it’s seriously lopsided. Like, literally two of the guests are his. Two. And I am starting to wonder what the point is of having a wedding if he has so few people there, since surely the point is to celebrate the marriage with both of your family and friends? But he simply doesn’t have anyone else to invite (very little family, no friends he’s still in touch with, etc.) Seriously, should we just forget the whole thing and just sign the paperwork with his two guests and my parents there?
But at the same time, I do want to celebrate with my family, especially since I moved to another country to live with my FI and so I hardly ever get to see most of them.
I know there’s been threads about lopsided wedding guests lists before, but they all seem to be “oh he/I am only having 20 guests, what to do?” and this feels an order of magnitude different to that.
Post # 2
becca89: I’d still have the wedding…it’s what you really want. 🙂
why doesnt he have any friends?
Post # 3
If you’re looking forward to it and he has no issues/problems with it, then I don’t see anything wrong.
Post # 4
I’m having a similar sized wedding. He’ll have his dad, sis (if they fly in) brother snd brother’s fiancé so 4 people. All the rest of the family are from my side as the rest of his are across the globe and he hasn’t seen them for 14 years. All the other guests are joint friends. How long have you been with your fiancé for? The reason I ask is that we’ve been together 9 years – by now his friends are my friends and vice versa; my family is his family. We see no division and see some of our close friends as our family too. we’re celebrating our wedding with our “family” no matter whose blood ties them 🙂 Your side can be his family too and this might mean a lot to him if he hasn’t got many people in his life? Just a thought from my perspective of my own situation x
Post # 5
I suggest you stop looking at in terms of sides. If as you say a wedding is about celebrating with family it shouldn’t be about his and her sides but one family- the one everyone is there to celebrate.
Post # 6
Our wedding was pretty much the same size – we invited 65 and about 45 came. DH had his parents, sister and BIL and niece, and 6 of his own friends. The rest of the guests were my family and friends and some joint friends. He was happy with that as they were the people we are closest to. He has a lot of family but he never sees them so didn’t bother to invite them to the wedding.
Post # 7
Are a lot of the people you are inviting not his friends too though? As in they were your friends originally but he then met them through you and they have become his friends too? And technically your family are becoming his so its a joint thing? I dont see my FI’s family loads but i do see them as my family now and will definitely do next year when we get married.
I know what you mean that it would feel lopsided but if you look at it as both families becoming both of your families and friends becoming joint friends it may not seem as bad?
Try not to let it spoil the excitment of your wedding. And no, it isn’t a reason to not invite anyone (unless that is what you would prefer anyway). If you are both wanting a wedding with more guests then go for it! I think if you look at it in a different way it may not seem as bad.
Post # 8
People really need to stop comparing “sides”. There is no sides anymore, it is us. I have a long-time stand-in-father who I am very close with whom my fiancee is not as close with and he’s thrilled to be seeing my fiancee marry me.
Quite frankly, there are people who’d I’d be devistated if they didn’t show up, and people he’d be upset if they didn’t show up. We have less than 30 people comming and all of them are people we couldn’t immagine not having there. about 2/3 are my guests, mostly becuase I have more sibilings and those sibilings are married.
He has no problem with is numbers. His parents are there, his sister is there, his grammy is there. To him, thats all that matters. We want a small wedding but if I told him that it was important for me to invite cousin X and friend Y and uncle Z, we’d make it happen. Unless your future hubby is upset by this leave it be.
Post # 9
becca89: My FH only has his brother coming and his two daughters. His mom cannot make the trip and as for his other relatives, they too cannot/will not travel or are deceased. Given this, our wedding is very lopsided too but that’s not stopping us. We are having 130 of our biggest fans attend and we don’t care if they are on his side or my side – they are OUR guests.
Hang in there!
Post # 10
amstudent1: He just isn’t really a super outgoing person. He hasn’t kept in touch with his high school friends, and only one college friend (who he’s marrying, ;)), mainly due to having moved around a bit. And his job is fairly solitary – I know for me, most of my current friend group is made up of former and current coworkers.
Post # 11
NZEllimay: Thanks, I really like the idea of my family becoming a family to him as well. I think this is meaningful to him – at least, I know it’s really meaningful to him that my dad has been so accepting to him (already calls him his son-in-law, lol) as he has no relationship with his own.
To a few people who wondered if we don’t have mutual friends or if my family wouldn’t already feel like his – while we have been together for several years, we live in a different country to my family and old friends. So he’s met my immediate family, but hasn’t spent much time with most of them, and hasn’t really met the extended family at all. We are intending to get married in my hometown because so many more people would have to travel otherwise, but even if we married here he would still only have the two guests.
Post # 12
becca89: Yes, my best friend had a destination wedding. About 45 guests were able to attend and the Groom had exactly 2 that were on “his” side. Really, as others have said, your family become his family and that’s what weddings are all about. While my friend’s hubby was initially disappointed that he didn’t have as much family in attendance, the wedding was a lot of fun as all of the guests were there to celebrate them as a couple, not just the bride or groom.
I think you should have the wedding you want and not worry too much about it!
Post # 13
I am just like your FI. Our wedding is all about my fiance and I am more than fine with that.
Including my one wedding party and my two sons and their GFs of several years, I will be having 6 people at our 75+ wedding…. and that 6 includes me.
I am estranged from my family (I would have to write a book to explain it and I also live in another country now) and since I met my FI (6+ years ago), his friends and family have become my friends and family network.
So when I invite his family..I AM inviting my friends and family..they just happen to be the same ones he has..LOL