Weddingbee boards

Let me set the scene for the Bee's out there.....

Around this time last year, A good and close friend of mine just broke up with her bf of 2+ yrs. They shared a condo in which her parents owned and he moved out. She was debating moving back with her parents and leaving town. Well being the good friend as I am and didnt want to see her leave, my bf (now fiance) decided to help her out and move in with her so she can stay in town and it would help save us money as well (the three of us would pay off from this) I, being that my fiance was the first person I moved in with, was excited to have a roommate! But my bf was weary, I some how convinced him it will be ok! Boy did it bite me in the ass!! Within a month She started seeing her ex bf again and before we knew it, he moved back IN!!! Now in he beginning it was fine, we all got along, hung out and had parties. Then in sep of 2009 they got engaged (mind you they had broken up, got back together and got engaged all within a 4 month time) Now for everyone to see why this was weird, they broke up because he cheated on her and was unhappy with there lifestyle together, but as a friend I voiced my concerns once and never brought it up again because she assured me he was a changed man! We supported her and just kept it at that. One night they got into a huge fight while we were home and ever since then they (mostly him) started acting awkward towards us. From that point on I stopped liking him and was not very helpful when she bragged about her wedding plans, dont get me wrong, I was happy for her but wanted to shake her and tell her she should not marry him!! As time progress she started to act like him, she stopped hanging out with us outside the condo, she stopped wanting us to have dinner together and even had people come over late at night without even informing us (we had to work at 7 am and they would have loud people drinking till 4 am!!!) WE never complained, we never even told them that they had to ask us for permission for people to come over, but at least give us a warning. Feb 2010 we have had enough of this guy and needed o leave ASAP!! We moved out in March and the day we moved out she texted me (after I had texted her saying goodbye) that they had broken up and the wedding was off! I was upset for her but relieved at the same time, I texted her with loving words of encouragement and she met up with me 3 days later, but here is the sticky part. I felt like she didnt want to hang out with me because she was only hanging out with her other friends and didnt ask if I wanted to go. I always considered her my close dear friend but after they broke up I felt like she didnt want me to hang around. She wouldnt respond by to my text messages for a week, then out of no where she texted me saying I owed her money for feb's bill. I was upset that she only texted me for that and not even a hello how are you. Since that last text, I have not heard from her, last week however she decided to text me saying that she missed me...What should I do? how should I think about that? My friends from my work think I should blow her off, but fiance thinks I should give her a second chance....I am very sensitive about friends because of my past experiences (to many backstabbing friends to count on 2 hands!) I want to tell her how I feel but then I have to bring it up to her I feel like she might think I am over reacting....maybe because I am still getting married she doesnt want to see my happiness, but I am more caring then that and I havent even spoke to her about my wedding even before they broke up....sorry it is long but I wanted everyone to get what I am saying....let me know if I make any sense or if I am stupid for feeling like this...Thank bees

What do you have to lose by making an effort?  It seems like she went through a bad break up where she almost moved away, to moving in with the same guy (and you), to an engagement, and a broken engagement, all within a very short time.  My guess is is that you might remind her of the boy (unfair to you, but you lived with them) which is why she reached out to others when she was trying to move on. You did hang out with her 3 days after her broken engagement, of course she's going to be out-of-whack.  Stop taking it personally. 

She seems like a bit of a mess, but a lot of that might stem from her loser man.  I can't see any harm in at least trying to reach out to her...her life seems to such, i think a good friend would try. 

*suck, not *such in the last line.  (sorry!)

Yea I agree, I want to try but the other side of me doesnt. The funny thing is the girl she is hanging out the most is the girl who introduced them and was one of the bridesmaids in her wedding! She hung out with me for an hour and she wanted to returned some stuff that we had left behind....I want to give her time and I totally understand that, but seeing how she is hanging out and going to parties with everybody else kinda hurts me to....Oh did I mention that she he hanging out with one of his best friends? yea weird huh...

Sorry to hear you are going through this :-(

Do you think perhaps she wasn't turning to you after the final break up as you were in a happy relatioship and she was jealous? Also, you and your partner would have reminded her of the time when she was together with her Ex and it might have been to hard for her.

Granted, she didn't handle it very well and I am not disputing that your feelings are hurt (and justified) but just trying to offer some light on why she may have acted like she did.

From here I would give it a final shot and have a chat with her - I mean you have nothing to lose as arguably it can't really get worse that it is now huh.

Hang in there - sounds like you have a keeper of a Fiance, I wold be leaning on him right now if I were you

thanks nzbride...I hope I am not a selfish person but she was one of my good friends and I want to do everything possible to be that, but when I was trying to help her out i seemed like she didnt want to hear it...how much time do you think I should give her to heal? or the right time to talk?

I also dont want to bug her either. I she how happy she is without him and I want to hang out with that same happy person before all this mess 

I dont know - I think you need to act for youself too, relationships are two way so if you want or need to talk to her now then give it a go. Perhaps play it by ear. Approach the subject and see how she reacts.

Dont doubt yourself - if you were selfish then you wouldn't be on here trying to do the right thing!