Losing a good friend over money (semi long)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Yes you have definitely become her crutch and it sounds like she is taking advantage of you… a good friend would not continually ask you to find other ways to sneak around your husband and produce money for her after you already said no.  Plus, it sounds like she has no intention of even paying you back.  You have no reason to feel guilty for not lending them any more money.

I can’t tell you if your friendship is beyond repair, but I can say that you need to be firm and stick to your decision to not lend them any more money.

Post # 4
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You are enabling the two of them to continue in their present lifestyle: she is stupid with money- he doesn’t earn any.

If his stomach can handle alcohol, it can handle workiing for a living.

You don’t have to end the friendship completely, although that will likely be the result when you close the bank of  @jaylinjo:  .

 

Post # 5
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

This is not a goof friend you’re losing, She’s taking advantage of you. and i can’t believe she said that about your savings.

 

Post # 7
Member
1681 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@jaylinjo:  Oh man. This definitely makes my heart hurt for you. You clearly care so much. It’s really unfortunate what they’re going through, but I don’t think you should continue to help them. Moreover, I don’t see this as a true friendship (on her end). I can’t help but what wonder if she will still be around once the money flow stops. 

As a side note, he has a medical issue, and he’s taking drugs. Hmm… pretty sure his medical condition IS his drug abuse. Please don’t give them money. Clearly they don’t have any because she is spending hers on his drugs. You cannot support this.  

Post # 8
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’m sorry to say, but she’s not your friend. If she asks you to lie to your husband, she’s asking you to risk your marriage, all because she made a (pretty big) mistake (that was mostly unnecessary, since you were getting a car fixed up for them – which is VERY GENEROUS of you). This woman is an adult, as is her husband, and while it sucks to see them suffer, that’s what happens when you’re not fiscally responsible as an adult.

Honestly, up to her asking you to lie to your husband and then bringing up your savings, I was thinking the friendship could be saved. But from now on, I think all requests from her need to get a flat no, unless it’s “Can I take you and DH out for dinner and drinks to apologize for my shitty behavior?”

Post # 10
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@jaylinjo:  she is taking advantage of you. It sucks to lose a friend over money but no real friend would ever ask what she has asked of you.

Post # 11
Member
1681 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@jaylinjo:  I hope you’re able to heal and get through this. No doubt it will be tough, but you have to do what is best for you!

Post # 12
Member
689 posts
Busy bee

@jaylinjo:  Money matters can ruin the best of relationships sometimes. Next time something like this comes up, I would tell your friend something like “I know you are in a really rough spot right now financially. I feel for you and your family. However, my husband and I have already helped you as much as we comfortably can.” I wouldn’t bring up anything about her husband being  a druggie or not working bc she’s only going to retaliate. Keep your distance bc she doesn’t seem to have your best interests in mind. Be there for her for emotional support if you think it’s appropriate, but cut the cord in terms of financial help. She’s on a sinking ship money-wise, and she’ll grab at anything and anyone to stay afloat. You may not be the only person she’s doing this with, so beware. 

Post # 13
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

She doesn’t sound like much of a friend.

Post # 14
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@jaylinjo:  She is taking advantage. I am not by any means well off, and this was doubly the case when I wa syounger. However, the most I EVER would have asked to borrow from a friend would be enough to cover my plate if we went out to eat somewhere and I forgot my wallet. Even at that, I would be completely distraught until I could pay them back at the next possible oportunity.

Aside from the exhorbitant amounts that they are requesting, i hope you realize that you have been funding your friend’s husband’s drug habit this entire time. Your husband is right. They are using you. They are being leeches. And they have become reliant on you. I’m not telling you to give up on the friendship,but you absolutely need to stop giving them money. This isn’t on an emergency basis. You’ve become their supplimental income…

Post # 15
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@jaylinjo:  FI had to deal with a friend who kept asking for money from him, it was much less than you are talking about here, but she would spend all her money out partying then demand that he shouted dinner when they went out with friends etc, or say she couldn’t pay her rent because of x,y and z.

When I found out what was happening (we were meant to be saving to live together) I was incredibly pissed and said no more lending to her. She pretty much cut ties with him as soon as she realised he was no longer an ATM, and we have not seen the money since. 

I would say no to lending any more money ever, tell her to stop asking as it’s damaging to your friendship as she makes you feel like she is only interested in your money. She sounds like a crappy friend and I’m sorry you had to deal with this. 

 

Post # 16
Member
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MrsPHopefully:  Spot-on about keeping a distance from this wacko “friend.”

She’s already waaay too much up into your business, OP (looking over your shoulder to see how much you have in savings! Wow, that’s just . . . totally out of line).

I’d back away as gracefully as you can. Compassion is a wonderful trait and it sounds like you are a very compassionate person – but this could get really ugly as this women gets more and more desperate. Others are correct in that you’ve been enabling her; for your protection and that of your family, that needs to stop. Good luck; this is a really tough situation.

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