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Yesterday I found out that my cousin, who will be having a baby in the spring, is naming her daughter after our grandmother -- exactly what FI and I had planned on doing, should we ever have a daughter.
I never told anyone other than my mom that we wanted to use the name, so I don't feel as if my idea was stolen, nor do I feel that I have the right to "claim" a name when I'm so far off from TTC. But I do feel like I've lost something that was really special to me.
I'm only 24, and we're not even positive we'll have kids, so I'm genuinely surprised that this upset me so much.
My grandmother's name is the single most unique name I've ever heard -- I've never met another person with it, and it has never entered the top 1000 baby names in the U.S. I feel like I'll never find another name that means as much to me.
I think I just needed to vent, because I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about this. Can anyone relate?
OMG sorry, it is true that only one person can have a name at all times. (sarcasm)
You could always give the name as a middle name. Not sure that really helps much =(. But it does suck.
On a side note, how often do you see your cousin? Theoretically you could still give your daughter the name. Naming a child after a grandmother isn't that unusual anyways.
But i'll cross my fingers that your cousin changes her mind before the baby comes :)
I think it is fine to have the gut reaction, but I can also see how your cousin might want that name..especially if you had not said you wanted it. I think you can "mourn" the loss of the name or decide you want to use it, anyway. If you don't see them all the time, I think it is OK to have the same name, especially if the babies have different last name. I would try to not let it bum you out for long.
I agree with ejs that if you don't see this cousin much, I wouldn't see a problem with naming the children the same thing.
Sorry, but your cousin is having her baby first and she gets to choose whatever name she wants. But I still don't know why you can't use that name if and when you have kids? DH has two cousins with the same first name (his Grandmother's) and DH's sister and our DD have it for their middle name, too.
We've considered it as a middle name, too. I don't think I would use it as a first name now because I don't like the idea of two kids with the same first name in the same generation of a family. But thanks for the suggestions. :-)
Grr :/ I too agree though that if you don't see the cousin often, you could use the name or at least use it for a middle name! That way, at least it's still a part of your child's name. I wish you the best of luck, and I can only imagine how heartbroken you must be :(
I can relate on a couple of levels. First, my mother's maiden name is Bell and I've always dreamed of having a Belle or Bella. Thanks, Stephenie Meyer because now I know FOUR girls born within the past year and half with some type of "Bell" in their name. Ugh.
On the other hand, I can 100% relate to you because I too have a boy's name picked out that was my great-grandfather's name. I am the eldest cousin by a few years, so I don't think the situation would arise... My brother may or may not have children before me but he knows I'm using it! I'd kill him if he did, LOL ;)
That seems unnecessarily mean. OP didn't say she was angry, made clear she knew she wasn't entitled to exclusive use of the name, etc. She was just expressing her sadness and her surprise at feeling that way. There's nothing wrong with that!!
Furthermore, part of its appeal was that no one else would have it. Now, another family would. No, this is obviously not a tragedy of epic proportions, but it seems to miss the point to sarcastically point out that she could still use it anyway.
I do understand your feelings, and I also can assure you that they will pass in time. If you have a daughter, you will find a name that is perfect and perfectly HER, and it will make you laugh that this upset you so much X years ago. :)
@gocubbies: Yeah, Belle/Isabelle is everywhere now! I used to really love a couple of names that recently became very common, too, and it makes me less inclined to use them. I was always the only person with my name in my classes growing up, and I loved it.
@mightywombat: I agree! We're here to support each other! I was pretty shocked by the uncalled-for rudeness.
To the opening poster, I sympathize with you! I would be upset too! I still think you could name your future daughter that....or maybe a variation on that. Or using it as a middle name like you suggested would be cool too!
@mightywombat: Thanks -- I'm sure it will seem funny over time. :-P
I've had similar experiences (not TTC or anything, but I want my baby to have a unique name, so we've come up with a list, and every time one gets knocked off I get grumpy). On the other hand, sometimes sharing a name with a family member can be special for children. I share a middle name with another cousin, and it kind of...bonds us. On the other hand, a first name is (admitedly) different.
Very beautiful name. I think using it as a middle would be a wonderful compromise.
Could you make an anagram of the name? Maybe something like Alie or Elia...
@mrbee: I don't want to just make up a name...but I'm sure we'll find something that works for us. We have plenty of time to think about it. Thanks!
@ChaiAnkh99: ME too! I loved my name growing up, it's unique and also spelled unique.
With that being said, definitely give her something "different"! Are there any family names on your SO's side that you would be interested in using? My boy's grandmother's name was Iris, I'm really contemplating on that one....
Also, I don't want to jinx you, but what if you end up having all boys? :P
I understand. When my husband's first niece was born her parents chose to name her middle name after the SILs stepmom. Not someone she was particularly close to or was good to her, not bad but not like they had a relationship almost mother/daughter.
In my husband's mother's side of the family every first daughter has had the same middle name for generations. I loved the tradition of it and was disappointed and kinda pissed that his brother did not give his first daughter the same middle name. Especially because the mother had no daughters and was not able to continue the tradition.
So I had all intention of giving our first daughter -if we had one- the middle name to follow the tradition. Then when his brother was expecting their second daughter they gave her the middle name. I was bummed!!! I felt it should have gone to their first born and instead it was only second fiddle to them and now we can't give it to our first daughter giving the tradition the respect it deserves.
Anyway, like you I know in no way is anyone entitled to a "family name" perse.
I think you can take comfort in the fact that your cousin also loved your grandma enough to name her daughter after your grandma.
@gocubbies: I'd be fine with that -- I hear they are easier to raise, haha. Oddly, we've only talked about girls' names so far. I don't think FI has much of an opinion on boys' names. I have a few other girls' names in mind; they're not family names, but they're different enough.
There's also a distinct possibility that we won't have kids, in which case I would be happy that someone named a child after my grandmother, even if it wasn't me. :-)
We'll have the 3rd child in DH's family to use his grandmother's name. Both of the others use it as a middle name and for our child it will be her first name. We're also using my grandmother's name as either her middle name or added on to her first name. I think its okay to feel sad but its also okay to go ahead and use it if its that important to you. Especially if there's a few years between your child and hers.
I would be really upset too! If I were you, I would still give her the name. I think of it this way - yes, its her cousin's name too, but they (probably) won't go to the same school or be in the same social circle. So you and your daughter can still have the pride of hearing, "What a beautiful, unique name!" and replying, "Thank you! It was my grandmother/great-grandmother's!" I don't think that the fact that your child's second cousin will have the same name will matter that much in the long run. I think your feelings are totally understandable but I honestly think that they will persist if you let your cousin "take" the name from you.
I actually am hoping that my cousin doesn't pick the name of my grandfathers name fore her baby that is due this spring. Though I don't think she will pick it because it is a really different name. Einer. I love it. I would kinda upset if she picked it because I have loved that name for years.
I totally sympathise with you - I'm the youngest female cousin, so all of my family members have popped out several kids already, and quite a lot of the names I'd adore using were taken fairly quickly. I'm not even in a position to TTC yet, but I do know how frustrating it is.
You never know though: I've heard many a woman with all their names picked out from the get-go, have changed their mind the second their baby is born. That might happen with you guys too, when you do get pregnant!
i say that if you have a daughter, you can name her the same thing. isn't the whole point of a FAMILY NAME? It stays within your FAMILY? My dad and brother have the same name, which is also my grandpa's name and my cousin's middle name. you can still use it!
@ChaiAnkh99: I KNOW an Eila...pronounced "eye-lah". It is a pretty unique name though. I have a list of names for any prospective kids that I haven't shared with anyone other than my FI. On a side note...I had my daughter's name all picked out...as soon as I held her for the first time, I changed it to something else 
@ChaiAnkh99: Just letting you know I can completely relate and I was also SO surprised by how much I was upset about it! Sometimes when I hear a name I like, I write it in a document I have in my phone. Sister-in-law had her baby and chose not one but TWO of my top 5 girl names. One is very common and the other isn't so much. I feel terrible admitting it, but as soon as I found out what she named her daughter, I was more concerned with the fact that she took my names than I was for the birth. I know how ridiculous it was to feel like that so I haven't really told anyone besides my own sister. But still, I know it's just sort of a let-down feeling :( Hope you're able to find a good solution!
Im so sorry :-( My favorite name of all time is Charlotte and I have always wanted to name my daughter that. Before my SILs found out they were having boys, they were talking about girl names and Charltotte came up - I IMMEDIATELY yelled out that I am planning on naming my daugher that. Im sorry the name is taken but honestly if I really wanted it and I didnt see that cousin that often I would just use the name as well!
@PitBulLover: haha Charlotte is our imaginary (well at this moment in time) daughter's name too. My sister would have named the baby Charlotte but thank God he was a boy!
Can you use your grandmother's name as your fd's middle name? I have one cousin named after my grandfather and every single one of my other cousins, and brothers, have the name as their middle name. I also have two cousins with the same first name, and two nephews with the same first names.
Why not give your DD that name as a middle name and call her by her middle name? DH's friend is Kevin Jacob Lastname and he goes by K. Jackson Lastname. Everyone calls him Jacob or Jake.
I totally understand why you would be upset by this. DH and I are both the youngest in our families and already have 8 nieces and nephews, and most of my favorite names have been used. But I kind of see it this way: If it was my top pic for a name and someone else used it so quickly, it probably wasn't the best pic anyway. I know your situation is different since your name was so unique, but I agree with others who said whoever is having the baby first gets first pic of names.
When and if you do eventually have a daughter, my prediction is you think of a name way better than your original pic and are so happy your cousin took it first so you could use this new beautiful name.
I completely understand why you would be upset by this.
But, since this is a wedding website, out of curiousity, what would you do if she got engaged before you and chose the wedding date you were hoping to choose?
Awww that's a bummer, sorry!
I know the feeling--my husbands cousins picked a name we liked and I was secretly like "gahhh that might have been our name!" but I like the idea @MrBee suggested of making another name that can still honor your grandmother
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