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That is a lot on your plate at once! Sounds like one of those "grin and bear it" times. But you will get through it! And you are not alone! A lot of couples can't have the wedding they want then they want it. It will be worth the wait, and until then, you have him! =)
Would you be interested in a small wedding with just a few friends and family and a nice dinner out? Adn then have a big old reception when the time feels right?
I kind of understand your situation and its not really fun. I mean ok, so i'm sure your not some crazy person who is materialistic, but wanting to get married and all that is reasonable to me! I didn't get a ring until we had been married for 2 months, he proposed to me with no ring, and we ran to the dmv to get married, well granted we were kind of in a rush since i was pregnant....lol.
But I see how that could bum you out!
We had a similar convo before we got engaged.
I told him that I was okay with having a temp ring (this is ring that I will never get rid of, but isn't my actual ring). I have a 2 ct.tw. 3-stone, princess cut, CZ ring in sterling silver, and you'd be hard pressed to tell the difference btw mine and a real one! I told him that I was okay with this!! Similar to this:
We put in our wedding budget to afford a real band. My wedding band is 1ct.tw. princess cut, channel set actual diamond ring & we got it on UBER sale, when a company was going out of business. Sim to this one:
I will wear this until he can afford to get me another ring.
This saved us a bunch of money in the short term, and if you are okay with it, it's a totally possible solution!
have you talked about getting married without the engagement ring? I have friends who did this..similar situation to you, and they just decided let's get married have a small casual wedding and can do something big when it's feasible
Thanks, ladies for your words and suggestions. I have considered a scaled down wedding. I don't think we'd be able to have a bigger reception later. Because of our age, kids would hopefully come soon after and that's where the money would be! I don't know I'll keep thinking.
Also, I don't think he would be keen on the no-ring proposal. He's a bit traditional. I suggested a white sapphire and he gave me a weird look like I was lowering my standards so that he can afford something. Men can be weird like that sometimes. Anyway, thanks again. I'm just being a mopey gal today. I'll snap out of it.
hugs, hopefully ur finances will change and u can get what u wish for
Sorry you are going thru this! Here's hoping you win the lottery! Or if I do, I'll send some cash your way!
I would go ahead and get married. Have a nice ring (that isn't a "real" one), celebrate with family and friends and have something simple but festive. That's just me.
Don't lose hope! I hope everything works out. I agree with a scaled down wedding. Maybe later on, do a really nice honeymoon, before babies come. I hope things work out for you!!
Even though he's a traditional guy, maybe you could explain that he doesn't have to get you the ring he'd like for you to eventually have right away, and that it is common for couples to upgrade their rings down the road. If he's dead-set on diamonds, maybe show him some pictures of less-expensive rings, maybe quad-cut style (that one's less than $400), and just emphasise that you don't care as much about the ring or wedding as you do about being his wife.
BTW, I am a little bit younger than you but i still totally feel you on the "boyfriend" thing. When you're an adult in a serious relationship, the title just sounds dumb after a while. I'm ready to have at least a "fiance," too!!
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Just wanted to post for some support. The BF and I talked last night about finances, goals, upcoming expenses and it became apparent to me that we won't be able to get a ring any time soon. Let alone plan a wedding. He has some debt to pay, his daughter is starting college, and we want to buy a home. I tried not to be a brat about it and said nothing. But he noticed my mood change. I know he is trying his best so this is difficult to deal with for me because I don't want to unload on him. The reality though is that we've been together for 4 years and are in our 30s so calling him my boyfriend is getting really old.
Just having one of those days I guess where I am not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.