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No I haven't....Im so sorry about your mum. Really, truly am sending you all my love and prayers. All the other stuff....it'll seem so much worse because you're dealing with something so difficult.
FI's parents - they sound like pains in the asses..at least they're out of state though. Try to keep your expectations of them low so you arent disappointed with them and tbh, try not to let the get you down. You have far more important things to worry about.
His ex - well as hard as it's been, at least it's now in the process of being sorted.
Try to focus on you and your FI and your mum. Don't let all the other crap cloud what's important. ...thoughts and prayers xxxx
I am so sorry. I too will keep you and your mother in my prayers. I can't imagine having all of the stresses. Just remember that you have the love of the man of your dreams and nothing else matters. His ex may have gotten the wedding of her dreams, but didn't deserve the man.
As for FFIL I actually was in some sort similar situation. Except the man was my father, and has no clue how how to work facebook LOL. But after he divorced his second wife, he just became cynical and somewhat depressed. He didn't want to go out, and said that love and marriage were a waste of time. But I know he still loved me, and his ex, even though SHE was bat shit crazy. I think that's how some people cope with divorce. Hopefully by the time the wedding comes around he will have gotten out of the slump. Maybe your FI should spend some time with him if he can? I know with my dad what got him through was just me being there and caring for him.
Sending love and light your way!
Thank you guys so much. I DO need to remember the good. There IS a lot of good that goes with all this. He is an amazing man, and if he hadn't married her and divorced her- we probably wouldn't have met. Everything happens with a plan. I think some time with his dad would perhaps do some good.
Thanks for the well wishes, and prayers.
I have crazy jealousy over my SO's exes, I hate my FIL's (or rather... they hate me), and my SO is currently fighting cancer. I just want you to know that you are not alone. I'm so sad to hear about your mom. I know it's terrifying. Keep telling her you love her and pray for the best.
I'm praying for you, I'm so sorry you're facing this right now. Keep giving your mom love and support. I know you're being compassionate towards your FFIL, but every time he does it remind yourself that he's hurt and in a bad place, and that you hope he can find what you and FI have soon so that he'll understand.
The other wedding won't be as good as yours because the marriage wasn't built to last. The wedding is the beginning of your marriage, and it will be a more solid foundation than what your FI had with his ex. The other stuff doesn't matter nearly as much as the relationship, and your relationship will shine all over the place.
My ex held up my divorce and I felt really bad for my FI that he was dating a girl who was still technically married. It was pretty torturous being still married to him, and I have facebook friends who won't take the pictures down but I let it slide. It was a fun party, but it won't be as good as this wedding will be (even though it was way higher-budget).
Please let us know how you're doing!
Thanks everyone. I am usually able to cope with everything and keep my head up but then everything just hits me at once and knocks me over. It could always be worse and I'm definitely slowly getting over the fact that my fiance has been married before, but it is tough. I know my mom is loving all the wedding planning, I'm her first kid to get married. It will get easier, and I know I don't have it as bad as some people. In some aspects I am truly blessed. Thanks everyone for the support and listening to my bitching. It helps to have an unbiased ear..
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time. Keep us updated-- we are here if you need anything. xox
I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time right now :( My heart goes out to you and your mama.
About your FI, everything happens for a reason. Certain people are brought into our lives to prepare us, and for us to learn. Your FI dealt with his EX because now he truly knows what real love is, and what it means to be with the right person. He's going to cherish and honor your marriage.
I agree with the PP's, focus on the positives. Your mom will want you to enjoy your special day. Just stay positive, keep fighting, and praying.
Wishing you the best!
I am so sorry you are going through all of this.
i can only related to the cancer part. My wedding is in 4.5 months, and my dad has 3-5 months to live. Yes, horrible timing and we are having to decide in 2 weeks if were going to cancel this wedding for July. Canceling seems best for all. Not sure how we'll do it later on, probably elope.
I am sorry.
My fiancée was formaly married to an unfaithful woman. He's also active duty, and she gave him a hard time finacially until about a year ago.
About 2 years ago my Mom passed away from a very aggressive breast cancer. It's still very hard for me to imagine my wedding day without her there. I hope your Mom can be there not only for your wedding, but to see you have children.
All that matters at the end of the day is that you and your fiancée are happy together. Life is tough, but at long as you have each other you'll never be alone.
I cant even come close to understanding what you're going through, but I can give you advice.
I find it hard giving advice about parents with an illness, since my own mother passed away from cancer and I never want to advise/compare someones situation to that. I pray that you find strength in her determination to be at your wedding. My own mother had the same determination for my 7th birthday, she did it beyond all odds and a mothers strength for her family is incredible. Just because a doctor gives someone months, doesnt mean anything. My mother lived 2 years after she was "supposed" to die. I also know people who are still alive, 9 years later and living full and happy lives. Your mother sounds like a fighter and I hope that she gets better.. <3
I would ignore his family and try to get your mother involved in as much planning as she can handle. I hate to bring this up, but if something does happen, you will be forever grateful that you had that time with her and those memories. I bet it would even help her out. Im so sorry you're going through this, I still have a really hard time some days and I never even had the chance to really get to know my mother.
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I just had to write this all down. One of those things where i just pretend NONE of it is happening and I just lose it at random times. Where to start. Well..my fiance JUST got officially divorced 4 months ago (they've been separated for almost 3 years). His ex cheated on him while he was deployed, only a few months into their marriage. She refused to sign divorce papers/agree to terms until recently (so she could keep using his health insurance, buy a new car, empty their joint account, etc). Lawyers and court dates later- they are officially done and that felt great. BUT I CONSTANTLY find myself comparing our wedding to theirs. He was much more financially stable back then and could afford the wedding of her dreams. There's still pictures up on his old groomsmen's facebook (he REFUSES to take them down). I never even wanted a big wedding, or elaborate but I can't help but compare.
His family. My FFIL and FMIL just got divorced. They both moved to different states across the country. FMIL owes my Fiance big bucks, but breaks down any time he brings it up. FFIL turned batsh*t crazy after his wife left him and now spends his time on facebook, being a cynic. Whenever I post about the wedding he has some snide comment. Or when FI says something cute publically, he has to rain on it. FFIL says he adores me and that he's happy for us, but then turns around and tells us we aren't in love, we are in lust. That the apocolypse is coming and that if we continue to live in sin we will go to hell. Fun stuff. He is also mad that our wedding will interfere with the election.
And the part that has me just breaking down. My mom. She was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. She went into remission after chemo and surgery. Less than a year later it returned- aggressively. She has been on chemo for over a year and we just learned this week it isn't respoding to treatment. She told me she informed all the doctors that "they better take care of this, I have a wedding I need to attend in November." She took out her 401K to help pay for the wedding and debts her and my father have. Things don't look good for her and all of a sudden wedding planning just seems.....horrible. I can't bring myself to be excited anymore. I keep picturing an empty seat at the alter. Having someone else zip up my dress. Sometimes I can move it to the back of my mind...but when it hits me. Ugh. She's being so strong through all of this.
Has anyone else had problems like this..ANY of them..marrying a guy who's been married before?? bad MIL/FIL?? Illness in the family right before the wedding?? It would be great to hear how you cope(d)..
Thanks for reading..