Post # 1
I lost my virginity in college recently, the guy doesn’t know it was my first time. Him and his friends all think I whore around when really hes the only one i have done. I am so emotionally attached to him, we don’t hang out but only hit each other up when wanting to hook up. But i’ve been doing alot for him, i had to drive him and his friends an hour away to take care of some things and recently i lent him my car keys and trusting him to derive without me being there. Idk what to do ladies.. he brings girls to our dorm frequently and I get really jealous. It hurts and i know i should let go of him but i end up coming back when he talks to me again. But we don’t even talk alot.. I am so saddened by this. :[ What would you do in this sitatuion? Should i ever confess to him that he was my first? And that i actually like him?
Post # 3
TBH I doubt he would care he was your first. This guy sounds like a typical college kid wanting to sow the seed.
ETA: Imagine you have a daughter who came to you and described this man. Would you want her to stay with him? If not, there is your answer.
Post # 4
I think you need to establish some boundaries here. He sounds like a bit of a dick… why are you sleeping with a guy who thinks you’re a whore? If you tell him you were a virgin he either won’t believe you, or he’ll go bragging to all his friends like you’re some trophy, and you’ll be even more humiliated.
Stop putting out. This friends with benefits situation is only benefitting him.
You’re really not helping yourself. Nothing we say on here will help you.. you just have to realize you’re worth more than this, and he’s an immature college boy who isn’t in this for a relationship. You’re letting him do this to you.
Post # 5
I just wouldn’t do anything for him. Why would I put any effort into a relationship that doesn’t exist?!
Post # 6
@cwineing: I think confessing would help settle your heart obviously. If he cares about you too and is willing to be monogamous (if that’s what you want as well) then great! If not… just prepare yourself for heartbreak and tears. Any guy that would think you are a whore and still have sex with you isn’t a great guy IMO. Be careful about having sex with him in the future, make sure you always use protection if he’s bringing girls home you can’t be 100% sure that he is using protection with them and that they are 100% STD free.
As someone who remained in a monogamous relationship throughout my four years of college… enjoy college. Enjoy the groups and clubs and internships! Study and make some good girl and guy friends! Work on you! It’s really the only time in your life where that’s expected!
I would want a man who is crazy for me! Who didn’t think about bringing other girls home. Who respected me and my relationship. I would want a guy who made me say “he’s the only guy I’ve ever made love with” no “the only guy I’ve ever done”
ETA: I know a lot of bee’s wish they had someone to tell them to respect themselves and get it together. Respect yourself. Get it together.
Post # 7
sounds like you are only a booty call to him.
Post # 8
This guy is using you because you let him. He is probably well aware of your feelings for him but he obviously does not care and uses that to make you his booty call and errand girl. You are worth much more than that- don’t degrade yourself to that punk kid. I’m also in college so I know the environment. Get out of that relationship ASAP. You need a guy who respects you and doesnt use you. Best of luck
Post # 9
@cwineing: Oh dear. Honey, if you don’t learn to respect yourself you aren’t going to find a guy who treats you right.
Cut ties with this guy, he’s nothing special. Spend some time working on yourself. In the future, don’t go past first base with a guy until you are in a committed relationship. This will help you protect your heart in the future.
Post # 11
Thank you for the comments. I definitely realize that I am just a sex object to him and am nothing special. Its just very hard right now.. I have never been sexual with any guy up until I met him so its kind of just hard to let go..but i know I should.
Post # 12
@cbgg: I agree, especially with the last two sentences.
Post # 13
@cwineing: Don’t say you’re nothing special. I understand that you meant it as nothing special to him, but still, don’t even say it. (Plus, we don’t know if you’re nothing special to him, but we we know that you should move on and find someone interested in a committed relationship.)
I don’t know you, but I am postiive that you are a special, wonderful person. Make sure that you know that too and you are much more likely to find partners who will see it and will treat you well.
I re-read my last message and I think it comes across more harsh than I intended. The problem is, universities are full of guys who want nothing but sex. This is crappy, but it’s true. It’s not your fault, but you can prevent being hurt by not having sex or getting into sexual situations with guys until you are committed to each other.
Also, don’t be ashamed of yourself – most of us have made similar mistakes and had our hearts broken. I, of course, sepeak from experience, not from a pillar of virtue.
Post # 14
Ummm, yeah, I think you should forget about him, especially if you can’t be honest with him about how you feel. He is CLEARLY using you.
Post # 15
@cwineing: If he thinks of you (or any woman, slut shaming is not ok) as a whore then obviously he doesn’t respect you. Honestly I don’t think he has any desire to have a relationship with you and I hope you can find less of a douchebag to date.
Post # 16
Your time in college is way too short to spend worrying about some douche. Sorry, but that’s what he is. No respectable guy calls his lays “wh0res” behind their backs to his friends.