Post # 1
I feel weird about this because there is still so much time before the wedding (june 2011) and I had so many ideas and was so excited to get right to work but I am losing the motivation. Since I was younger I had always dreamed of a black and white wedding and was thrilled when my fiance loved the idea as well. His family was all over us about when we were going to get married and what not then when he actually did propose NO ONE cared. We told his family and they went off about themselves not even a congrats. My sister (my only other sibling) was planning her wedding so even though she was excited she was busy doing her thing and I was busy helping her along with the rest of my family. When we told his brother and his brothers girlfriend she started crying and yelling about how it is taking her boyfriend too long to propose to her. (he did propose like a month later and they are getting married a year before us and all the ideas that I had for our wedding they decided they were going to ‘take’… back to square one besides the colors)
That is some background for you — what has been irritating me lately is that we are doing more planning and talking about it more because we were excited and all his family wants to talk about is how the wedding is going to look like a funeral and basically how bad it is going to be. His grandparents (who are actually a big part of both of our lives) even said that because we are having our reception catered that they are just not going to show up and bridal showers are ‘not his grandmas thing’ so don’t expect her to be there shell ‘just send a gift or something’.
I hardly have any time to do anything because I work full time, go to school full time (yes I am taking summer classes), and am doing an internship 20 hours a week. I am gone most of the weekdays and work during the day on the weekends while my FH is in school and works friday, saturday, sunday from 5pm until like 5 am. All my friends are in school and work (or live out of state) and I live over an hour away from any of my family members so i can’t really plan or do little DIY stuff with them or the fiance since we hardly get to see each other as it is, I don’t want to spend all our time together doing wedding stuff…
I know this is getting long so I will stop but writing it all out and hopefully getting advice on how to deal with all this will hopefully take some stress away.
Post # 3
Oh, I am sorry! That is just uncalled for. What a non-supportive bunch! 🙁 Well, we are good at supporting bride to bee’s around here. 🙂
Post # 4
Yeah it happens to the best of us…I’ve found that since my engagement (Jan), I’ve waxed and wained in my motivation and how much I care…
Part of my issue, we were deadset on a May 2011 wedding and then all of a sudden I got a lot of unexpected and necessary expenses and needed to postpone a couple of months. I also don’t have any support from family. So I lost momentum from that…
My suggestion is spend a week not doing any wedding planning and come back to it.
Post # 5
I’m sorry you feel so stressed. 🙁
I can commiserate with the first part of your post. One of our good friends locked herself in her room and cried when she found out we got engaged. Not kidding. Her then boyfriend proposed a few days later and they got married less than 3 months after that. They are really good friends of ours, so I couldn’t help but feel that our “thunder” was stolen.
Since your wedding is still a year away, do you feel like you can take a month or two “off” from planning? Especially if you have all the big decisions made and booked, it might not hurt to take a breather. It definitely sounds like you need it – you’ve already got a lot on your plate!
As for your families, would it be possible to sit them down and explain that you feel hurt by some of their comments and want them to be supportive of you and your FI? Maybe they don’t realize what they’re saying/doing. Especially with your FI’s grandparents – if they’re important to you both, I think you or your fiance should explain to them how much you appreciate them and want them to be part of your wedding.
And of course, you can always turn to the Bee for advice and help. I’m still fairly new here, but I can already tell that it’s a wonderfully supportive environment here. You’ll never be short of ideas or encouragement. 🙂
Post # 6
Aw I’m sorry you’re feeling this way! I got engaged last July and since then my wedding planning spirt has waxed and waned. I can see how with people being unsupportive you might be finding it difficult to get in the wedding planning spirit. I know for myself, I hit a waning period at about 8 months and 6 months out. Then at about 4 months I started getting more excited and now that I’m a little more than 2 months out all the excitment is back since we’re sending out our invites and doing more weddingy stuff. You can’t be excited all the time because that’s a ridiculously long time to sustain a constant level of excitement. And because real life interferes some times and there will be times when you’re just not “into” planning your wedding. That’s very normal. I agree that taking a break from wedding planning for a week or two (or however long you need) is a great idea!
As for the people who are being less than supportive, try not to let it bother you as best you can. I know that’s easier said than done. However, this is the day you’re marrying your best friend and it’s going to be amazing no matter what! Sometimes I get sad because my grandmother is 93 and may not be able to make the trip and I know some of my relatives can’t afford it (we’re getting married in VA and many of my relatives live in NY). It’s been tough at times planning without much of my close family nearby but luckily FI’s family is here so I’ve been planning with his mother a lot.
Your theme sounds gorgeous and you’re going to have a fabulous wedding!
Post # 7
I completely understand where you are coming from. When I first proposed to my now wife. Her parents were over the moon, but on the other hand mine couldn’t really be bothered!
As we announced our date, everyone around us started announcing their dates too. Who, up until we did hadn’t had any dates in mind!!! It started with my mum, then my brother and my step brother. So all everyone else could talk about was their wedding. Our somehow didn’t really feel that special anymore!
I would say that there have been some good comments here. Leave the planning for a few days, if you can get away for a weekend with your partner and just enjoy each other again! You sound like you need a break.
I know it can seem hard when your family and friends don’t seem to be that interested in what you are planning and they say that they may not come. Leave them be for a while and I think they will come round. Some people, especially family members can get caught up in their own little worlds and forget about others. You carry on with what YOU want and I am sure you will have the day of your dreams.
Post # 8
You will go through wedding ups and downs. Some days you might not care at all and others it might be all that you can think about! I have gone through several periods of not wanting to do anything or just wanting it all to be done with. Now that I am much closer though every day is excitement!! Yes there has been a lot to do and yes there is STILL a lot to do..but I am taking it all in because this only happens once. I am trying to enjoy every aspect. At one time we hit a VERY rough patch with his family and didnt even know for sure if we were going to be having the wedding!! Now I look back on that (3 months ago) and think how crazy it seems because everything is coming together and everyone has just been happy recently!! You have plenty of time til your wedding so take this time to just enjoy being engaged and get used to your new lifestyle with your fiance. No need to rush into planning things because everything will eventually get done! We really didnt start planning our wedding until January (after 4 months of being engaged) and we are getting married in August. You will be fine and what you are going through is completely natural in my opinion!
Post # 9
One thing that I do is not have any expectations – if you don’t have any expectations about reactions and such you won’t get disappointed when you don’t get them!
This sounds so depressing I know – but it really works.
I don’t expect anyone to help me with planning the wedding and so when my mom or my girls ask to help out – BONUS! If they don’t – no big deal!
From the boards I have found that often people have opinions about everything but don’t let their opinions bother you. When people ask your colours be proud when you answer. “Classic black and white” confidence and excitement is hard to blow over with negative comments.
And also remember that we are here for you. This is the place to come to talk wedding so you don’t piss everyone else off in your life that really don’t care about which way you fold your napkins 😉
Post # 10
Thank you guys so much for all the ideas and support. As soon as figure out where we want our ceremony and book it because I want to at least get that out of the way… reception is already booked… I am going to take some time away from the wedding. And I do like the idea about not having high expectations, it does sound a little crazy 😉 but it makes a lot of sense. And hopefully like you all have said once it gets closer I will have more excitement and so will the families.
Post # 11
I’ve been to some BEAUTIFUL black and white wedding and if my FH hadn’t suddenly decided to have an opinion (lol) it totally would have been our colors! Give yourself some time off, or, if you feel like you have to do something, work on your favorite part, whatever that might be! Your engagement is a time to be celebrated however you and your FI choose!