Post # 1
Ok, I need the hive’s help!
I was suppose to get married this july but we’ve postponed the wedding until next August. My problem is one of my bridesmaids, a friend of almost 10 years has been very absent from my life in the last 6 months or so.
The part that hurts the most was earlier this year I found out I was expecting our second child and was excited to share the news with her, she wasn’t happy for me at all and it really hurt my feelings. She didn’t ask how I was doing after she found out and kinda dropped off the radar.
A few weeks later I suffered a miscarraige, I was devestated. It took me a little bit before i would tell anyone and after telling a few really close people I posted the news on Facebook to make sure I didn’t have anyone bringing up the baby. She didn’t call or text and it wasn’t until a instant messanger chat did she bring it up. I was really upset that we were such close friends and she couldn’t even call to see if i was ok.
A few months later it was my birthday and i got a text saying happy birthday and how she missed me. I didn’t really buy it as if she really missed me she would have made an effort. Since my birthday ( a few months ago) I’ve heard nothing from her.
I see on Facebook that she’s going out all the time and posting photos of her nights out. It’s hard to see as, I feel like I’m being excluded. It just feels like we’re heading down two different paths now, not sure what to do.
My Fiance thinks I should remove her from the wedding party as she isn’t a part of my life anymore, i’m so torn.
What would you do?
Post # 3
Congratulations and so sorry about your miscarriage. This “friend” doesn’t really seem like one and isn’t being supportive of you. Maybe your fiancé is right, because this is your day about you and your fiancé and the people who love you! Maybe she really does miss you though, and is just having problems that don’t necessarily relate to you. If you live nearby, grab a cup of coffee and see what’s up! Maybe she isn’t fit to be your bridesmaid, but maybe she’s just having troubles as I said before! Good luck and congrats on your wedding!
Post # 4
It could be that she’s having fertility problems or had a miscarriage that you didn’t know about, and your pregnancy bothered her. Or it could be that you’re moving on to a different stage of life and you both are just simply growing apart. It’s difficult to say since we don’t know her or the entire story here, but I don’t necessarily think (based on what you wrote) that she’s a bad person or bad friend… I think there’s too many variables to come to that conclusion just yet. If you want to remove her from the wedding, just know that it’ll probably ruin any chance of a friendship you may have.
I don’t understand why you haven’t sat down face to face and had a heartfelt talk with her yet? If she’s that close of a friend, maybe ask what’s going on?
Post # 5
She’s already told me that it’s upsetting that I have my Fiance and my son, as she’s still single. Having said that, that’s not my fault and I would be happy for her if the tables were turned.
I don’t think she’s a bad person, I just think that we’re growing a part. I want to talk to her in person but it’s impossible to get her in person. I had to tell her about the pregnancy via text cause she didn’t want to get together to chat over coffee.
I’m moving out of province as soon as our place sells and I know that if she doesn’t make the effort now when I’m like 15 minutes away from her that our friendship will be over at that point anyways.
I am still really torn about what I should do.
Post # 6
Well, then it pretty much sounds like a case of being at different stages in life and growing apart. It sucks, but I think we all go through it at some point with some of our friends. You already know that maitaining a friendship with her will be a little extra work after you move (and probably beforehand as well), so ultimately you’ll have to look within and decide if she’s the type of friend that’s worth it or if it’s best for you to move on with your path and allow the friendship to naturally ebb. Sorry I don’t have more positive advice, but I think it’s basically “growing pains” and it’s a natural part of life and relationships. Good luck, and I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I wish you the best from here on out!
Post # 7
@julietblueeyes you don’t say if you have made efforts to make plans with her or talk to her. And I get putting your sad news on Facebook, but if you don’t call her to tell her I don’t see how you can be hurt when she doesn’t call after seeing it on Facebook. She was responding in the format in which you told her about it.
Post # 8
You’re right, after trying to get together and in touch with her, to no avail. I gave up, after the reaction I receieved when I told her about the baby it was clear she wasn’t happy for me and that made me not want to try. I did try a few more times after our “talk” on instant messenger but she was too busy to make time for me. I would have told her about the miscarriage in person or over the phone had I not receieved such a chilly response to the original announcement of the baby.
A friendship is a two way street and it seems that our street only goes one way. My phone accepts calls and texts. I do have a young son but I can plan for time for the two of us to go out and grab coffee. I don’t really want to go out to a bar and party, my priorities are different now.
@MadameTussaud: Yeah, i think you’re right about being in different stages. Now my question to you is, do you just leave it alone and walk away. Or do you try to get her together to talk and let her know that we’re heading in different directions but maybe in the future we’ll be able to reconnect. lol, that sounds like a break up! But we’ve been friends for so long, I feel like I owe her an explaination. Plus there’s still the issue with her being a bridesmaid. Ugh, wish this wasn’t the case!