Post # 1
Those who have followed me on the charting or April 2014 thread know that my husband and I found out last week that our daughter has several severe birth defects that will likely prove to be fatal. In summation, spina bifida, hydrocephalus and a yet undiagnosed spinal malformation. I am 18w, 5d pregnant. It has been a hard week.
We have scheduled an appointment with another doctor for a second opinion next week, as well as several follow-ups with the original specialist. We have been prepared not to expect much positive change; we planned the additional testing for some peace of mind and confirmation before making any decisions. My husband and I both agree that if the prognosis remains as grim as it currently is, we would likely terminate the pregnancy. Neither of us can imagine making our girl suffer at all, and from what we have been told, the process of labor would be painful and likely fatal for her, as well as presenting risks for myself as well.
I am wondering if anyone has had any experiences with a loss this late in pregnancy. I cannot wrap my mind around how to deal with this. It boggles my mind to feel my baby move and know that we might not ever get to see her do that on the outside. We are devastated. Anyone who has dealt with this, or has great resources to help is much appreciated.
Please respect the fact that I am not interested in a debate on termination or anything surrounding it; believe me, we have considered every possible option, called the resources in our area, done a ton of reasearch. This is truly our last resort if it happens– our little girl is so wanted and this is the hardest thing we’ve ever had to deal with. Emotions are raw and I ask that anyone who seeks to debate the merits of termination for medical reasons please reserve those comments for another time or thread.
Post # 3
@OldMrsMcDonald: Oh my gosh…I said it before in a different thread, but honestly I can’t begin to imagine how you are feeling…when you mentioned her moving it really made my heart sink.
I don’t have any first had advice, but I just wanted to tell you i’m thinking about you and your husband… I think the decisions you came to would be the exact same thing my husband and I would do.
You are a strong woman, just thought you should know.
Post # 4
^ Actually…I do know someone who was carrying at 5 months when she found out that the brain was growing outside of the skull….and she also terminated. It was horrible, and she probably needs counceling and never went..I think that’s also something to gear up for, just to let go of all your emotions to someone whatever the outcome may be.
Post # 5
@OldMrsMcDonald: Honey I’m so sorry 🙁 I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through. Trust that whatever decision you and your DH come to is the right one for you and your family.
I do remember another April 2013 mama who had been through something similar but I don’t know the specifics of her situation (and it’s totally not my place to divulge any of it anyway). As far as I know she went on to conceive again 🙂
I’m sending positive thoughts your way!
Post # 6
@BellaDee: Thank you again. I am a counselor myself, so I am definitely planning to seek some help in that area after we know more. Getting my husband to understand it’s importance is another story, but he will need to grieve and come to conclusions in his own way. I can’t tell him how to feel or what to do.
@DaneLady: Thanks. I’ll see if I can poke around and maybe find who you are talking about… total creeper status, I know.
Post # 7
@OldMrsMcDonald: My heart goes out to you and your husband, that is such a horrible situation. I do not have any resources or anything to offer, but I do know someone who lost her son at around 19 weeks. She got plaster imprints of his tiny hands and feet and she named him, they also held a funeral for him. The situation was obviously painful, but the prints and the closure from the funeral helped her through.
Post # 8
@OldMrsMcDonald: Don’t let anyone tell you what you are doing is right or wrong. You and your DH need to do what you feel is best. I am sorry you are going through this any my heart goes out to you and your family.
My DH has a friend who he and his wife were pregnant the same time I was, in fact her due date was a month before mine. Her little girl was born month early still born while I gave birth premature at 7 weeks a few days after she gave birth to her daughter.
You will be in my thoughts.
Post # 9
I am so sorry to hear this news. I’m devastated for you and you and your husband are in my prayers. My mother had a stillborn but I don’t know enough of the details tp share her experience. major hugs lovely.
Post # 10
I just want to tell you that you and your family are in my thoughts.
Post # 11
@OldMrsMcDonald: My heart just broke for you. You will get thru this, one day at a time.
Post # 12
@OldMrsMcDonald: I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.
I don’t have real any experience, but just wanted to wish the best for you 3 in the next few months.
Post # 13
I just wanted to say how insanely sad I am for you, I cannot imagine how this feels.I don’t have any stories of people who terminated late. I do have a friend from high school who had a very bad prognosis for her baby and decided to keep her anyway. But, both of them have had a very difficult life.
I think this is every pregnant mother’s worst nightmare and what we all fear. I just wanted to give you huge hugs and wish you all the luck and love in the world no matter the outcome. I don’t envy the position you are in, it has to be the most difficult thing in the world to deal with, I’m so sorry.
Post # 14
I don’t have any advice to offer, only virtual hugs. I am so sorry you guys are having to go through this – you’re in my thoughts!
Post # 15
Sending you a big hug. I’m so sorry you are having to go through this, You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Post # 16
I am so horribly sad for you and your family and your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine what you must both be feeling.
My Grandmother lost twin boys at 20 weeks. She delivered them alone in the hospital, and called the nurse once she’d finished. She tells the story to every woman in the family as a rite-of-passage.
She’s very religious, so she firmly believes that they’re in heaven waiting to see her. I don’t think she ever saw a counselor, but it was the last 50s. I am fairly certain she talked to her priest. She went on to have two more children after that loss, and both were very healthy.