Post # 1
I don’t know what it is about bridesmaids, but there always seems to be issues with them whether it is someone who has to drop out. My MOH of bowed out because she is going to be 8 months pregnant by the time FI and I get married and she isn’t sure she will be able to travel. So I am okay with that, I have a replacement MOH. Then this morning I get this e-mail from another BM:
I am so sorry, but I was looking at my time off from work and my budget, and I think I need to step down from being in your wedding. I am so sorry. It is such an honor to be asked, and I would love to stand there with you as you marry your soul mate, but I just can’t seem to make it work.
I can’t take the time off to be able to drive there and make it on time, and I can’t afford to fly.
Again, I am so sorry. I would still like to do something with you here to celebrate, if that’s okay!
Color me annoyed, I think there is something off about this e-mail or am I just being paranoid..? Let me know what you Bees think.
Post # 3
I think she sounds sincere.
Post # 4
I think you’re being paranoid. Being a BM is expensive and sometimes people just can’t afford it. It sucks but it doesn’t mean they love you any less.
Post # 5
I think it sounds sincere as well, it does suck but she does sound like she regrets not being able to attend.
Post # 6
@lovelylight99: i think she is being honest and sincere. at least she is telling you now vs 1 month out. you have to expect that finances may come into play when travel is involved.
Post # 7
I wasn’t a bridezilla with her and I told her I understood and sorry things didn’t work out.
Post # 8
It would’ve been better if she told you in person, but it sounds like she genuinely can’t afford it.
FWIW, I had a bridesmaid drop out two days before the wedding so be glad she is telling you far in advance!
Post # 9
Glad you were nice to her. What is off is probably that she was so worried that you’d be upset with her over this. She probably thought about it and thought about it and thought about it. At least she told you this much in advance. My little sister’s MOH told her two weeks before her wedding after essentially ignoring her for the months up to it. We all knew she wanted to back out but she simply wouldn’t come out and say it.
Post # 10
It sucks to hear that, but I agree with PP’s, she does sound genuinely sorry and sincere about having to drop out.
Post # 11
@lovelylight99: TBH this is the email we bees recommend a BM to send her bride if she is being a bit ‘out of line’ in her requests from the BM’s. I am not saying this is the case here. However, if you look back and notice you requested them to buy a $200 dollar dress, shoes, and demand they get hair and make-up done or was specific that you wanted showers and Bach parties to be a certain type (ie: expensive) – then I could see how this could happen twice in a row (with two BM’s).
If this is not the case then it truly is a coincidence and they really cannont muster up the extra expense needed for travel, gifts, parties, etc. These really are tough times for a lot of people. Bowing out gracefully is exactly what this BM has doen – regardles for her reasons for doing so. Causing issue with it will only lead to damaging you future relationship.
Post # 12
@lovelylight99: I think she’s being sincere based upon the e-mail. I had a bridesmaid drop out 2 weeks – 1 week before dress shopping. That didn’t annoy me, but it was the fact that the budget for dresses was EXTREMELY small to begin with (only $100 each and I covered anything over that – ended up being $153 each) and she knew about it since we got engaged, back at Christmas in 2011! She didn’t have any money, but yet she could go and purchase new wheels & tires for her SUV, throw a huge party for her kid, trade-in vehicles a couple times, etc. Hmm.. She had 16 months to save up that small amount of money. In the end though I’m glad I just have my two best friends in our wedding.
Post # 13
The dress was $180 but $160 with group discount and I wasn’t making them buy shoes or get hair and make-up. But there was cost with traveling out of state, hotel, etc. So I can understand being tight on money.
Post # 14
@lovelylight99: nah, she’s being honest and truthful. It’s good she recognize she had money issues ahead of time before it’s too late.
Post # 15
That really really sucks OP. I feel for you – one of my bridesmaids dropped out as well. She sounds like she’s being sincere though. If you really want her there and you can afford it, you could offer to gift her the flights and hotel rooms?
Post # 16
This sucks, but I think she is being sincere.