lost a friend through divorce (LONG)

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

dodobee:  In your entire post, I don’t see one single thing that explains to me what she brings to your friendship. She’s mean to your significant others, puts you down, is not there for you when you need her, doesn’t say thank you when you help her, and basically takes advantage of you. What exactly do you get out of this friendship?

Post # 3
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

OMG!!! Drop this girl immediately! We all know that friendships have their ups and downs, but this girl sounds TOXIC. For one thing, she always seems to put you down without a second thought (that photoshop comment?! OH HELL NO.). She sounds so narcissistic that she doesn’t even realize she is hurting you! And flirting with your SO? That is also a HUGE issue. A true friend would never even dream of doing something like that.

I have had toxic friends in the past…nothing this bad, but friends who didn’t take my feelings into consideration at all. Totally one-sided friendships. My advice would be just to distance yourself. People do change, so I suppose it’s possible that she could end up seeing the error in her ways (especially if many people in her life begin distancing themselves) and changing into a better person. However, as long as you continue to be in contact with her, she will never see how she might be hurting people with that toxic tongue of hers. Keeping her in your life would just be rewarding bad behavior.

Good luck with everything! You sound like such an amazing and sweet person, and I am sure you have many, many loving and kind people in your life to support you. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
6740 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

You don’t need that girl as your friend. I have enemies nicer than her.

Post # 7
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

dodobee:  You are so welcome, girl! And you are so right – you have done everything you can, you’ve been such an amazing friend to her. If she can’t see it and can’t appreciate it, she is not worth your time!

Post # 8
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

This girl is not your friend. Paragraphs are.

Post # 9
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I will tell you what i told my husband (who still suffers about his good friend and their friendship of years ago, just like you): you miss the way she was when she was still a kid, a teenager. Her personality was still developing, she got married at 23, so the before you miss happened long, long time ago. I don’t think the marriage changed her, but this is who she grew up to be. This is how she is as an adult: a bad friend. A person who puts down the others in order to feel better, a selfish person whom you tried to help for years and took everything for granted. She should be the one to call and appologize, not you. She is dangerous – think about the flirtation with your husband. That’s not a friend. Beside all the rest. She takes advantage of people and thinks she is entitled to everything. It’s not your fault. This is her, this is who she is. Forget about who she was when you were teens and think about who she is as an adult. Because the first one does not exist. It wasn’t grieving her marriage, it was taking advantage of you both. Don’t look for her and call her anymore, please. She manipulated you to believe it was your fault, this woman is trouble. 

Post # 10
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

dodobee:  girl, I’ve been there too. I took a lot from a friend because of our history – but had to draw the line when she started being nasty to other people in my life. I made excuses for her because she’d had her heart badly broken and was having trouble finding someone new. Honestly, it was a mistake to let her disrespect or mistreat me even once – it just taught her she could treat me like crap and I’d put up with it no matter what, like a doormat… so she kept doing it. Cutting her off hurt both of us, but it was the right thing to do.

If it makes you feel better – confront her (nicely). I confronted my ex-friend before cutting off contact because I didn’t want to regret anything. I told her calmly that she had done things to hurt me and wanted to give her a chance to at least say “I’m sorry I hurt you, let’s work it out”. Didn’t happen. She was full of excuses for the things she was willing to own up to, and downright told me some of the other things I mentioned didn’t happen/I imagined them. Uh, nope… Lady, you can’t say things in front of six people and then tell everyone you didn’t say them.

Post # 11
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

dodobee:  It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known this person, that doesn’t make her a friend.  She used you; for a place to stay, for a driver, etc.  

Also, paragraphs, PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Post # 12
Member
5839 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

dodobee:  Do you really want her in your life, as is, no changes? 

From what you said, she has a toxic mouth (and heart). She didnt talk to that way after her divorce because of her pain. She was saying those things because that is who she is.

Quit looking at her through rose-colored glasses and see her for who she really is…

PS- why do you think you deserve to have a friend that is so disrespectful to you? Why are you so afraid that you did something wrong when all you did was stand up for yourself?

Post # 15
Member
282 posts
Helper bee

Screws fall in and screws fall out. The awkward and bad way it ended doesn’t negate the good friendship you may have had at one point. It’s just not right for you anymore. Don’t regret what you’ve done, but certainly don’t do anything else for this girl. Mourn the loss of the friendship but also be happy the toxicity is out of your life. 

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