Lost a Maid Because a DMB Concert Is More Important Than Our Wedding

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You have every right to be pissed off! Honestly though, she sounds like a crappy friend and you guys will be HAPPY she wasn’t in your wedding! 

Post # 4
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

This is not a friend and if someone wanted to do this to me I would say that I no longer wanted them in my wedding at all and drop them as a good friend totally. Appallingly selfish behaviour to pull this after having known about the wedding for so long. DMB performs every year – you will only have this wedding once, does she not get that? People do suck.

One of my bridesmaids is a huge DMB fan, I’m going to send this to her so she doesn’t get any ideas, lol. Lucky for me we aren’t in the US.

Post # 6
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

This is pretty crappy of your friend!

 

The only thing I disagree with is that you say you have to find a replacement. Have people in your wedding party because you want them beside you, not to make the numbers even.

Post # 7
Member
7193 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ve just checked the DMB website, and they are playing at The Gorge on the Friday August 30 as well as Saturday August 31. Perhaps suggest she go on Friday? It’s not the end of the world if she misses the rehearsal (which sounds like it’s on the Friday).

Or insist she drives back Saturday night.

Otherwise, if she says she’s going to be there 10 am Sunday, maybe you’ve got to trust her?

Post # 8
Member
42453 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

What she is proposing is unquestionably rude. She made a prior commitment to your wedding. She should honor that commitment.

I would ask her to choose- the concert or the wedding. I would NOT ask someone else to fill in. There is just no need to balance out the numbers.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@julies1949:  

“I would ask her to choose- the concert or the wedding. I would NOT ask someone else to fill in. There is just no need to balance out the numbers.”
 
+1

Post # 10
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Wow. Good riddance to her. If she’s this wishy washy/irresponsible/delusional right now, imagine all the different ways she could have F-ed up your wedding.

Post # 11
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Day_In_The_Life:  well, if she says she can do both then i would let her try.  perhaps closer to the day, she may think differently.

don’t kick her out, don’t replace her.  just see what happens.

my dh’s sister stood up for him and did the same thing.  a horse show 4 or 5 hours away.  she made it on time for the wedding but left right after dinner b/c she was so tired; plus she had to get up early to drive back to see the rest of the show.

Post # 12
Member
3889 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mypinkshoes:  +1

She’s missing the rehearsal, not the wedding, which is very different, and in my opinion a reasonable request. You’re not rehearsing for Broadway; someone can fill her in easily. Just re-read, she’s just missing the rehearsal dinner!! If she says she can handle both, then treat her like an adult and give her a chance. 

DH and I had to fly to Daytona on a Friday afternoon for a wedding last summer; he got called into a mandatory business trip to the other side of the country. A “lose your job if you don’t turn up” kind of thing. With one week’s notice! The meeting went through till Thursday and employees were expected to fly home Friday; DH flew out Thursday night on a brutal two-stop itinerary, landed on the East coast at 11am, came home, had a shower, and we were on our 2pm flight as planned. Was it fun For him? Nope, but sometimes extreme schedule issues mean you just suck it up and do what you need to do!

 

Post # 14
Member
3424 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Ok now I love a DMB concert as much as the next stoner but that isn’t cool! Priorites man! How does your FI feel about it, since she is in his party? I can assume he isn’t happy with her decision. Really, If I were you, I would let all matters on grooms side be settled by the groom. Just to save yourself the stress. But she should choose. A DMB concert, as well as a wedding, is a full day commitment, regardless.

Post # 15
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It’s a moot point, but I  think you were wrong to give her an ultimatum of no concert or she’s  out of the wedding party.   She is an adult, and if she had  to make it her business to attend the concert sober  and drive back that night it was her responsibility.  I understand your concern over her long  history of unreliability, but that’s something your FI should have considered in the first place.

The most I would have had your FI say is  that he is skeptical and that she  is putting herself under a lot of pressure.  What if there’s traffic? What if she’s not up to the long drive after her typical concert behavior?  Then, if she didn’t show up on time and doesn’t walk,  she doesn’t walk.  That way she is the bad guy, not you guys for treating her as an irresponsible teenager.  Even if she acts like one, which she does. 

Post # 16
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

What a loser!  I wouldn’t worry yourself with replacing her.  We had an uneven number and it worked out just fine.

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