Post # 1
So pissed right now. One of the women in the wedding party on the grooms side (not sure what her title is, groomsmaid?) just told us that she really would like to go to the Dave Mathews Concert instead of our wedding, our wedding that she is in! Are you freaking kidding me?!?
Backstory, so this lady calling her N normally goes up to the DMB concert in the gorge every year, they play every year, they never miss a show. Well, our wedding happens to be on the same date. She knew this. SHe said she wanted to be in the wedding party. She bought a dress. Now she says that she wants to go to the rehearsal, skip the dinner and head up to the concert and leave the concert Sunday morning (day of the wedding) and make it back down in time. WTF? THe concert is a 5 hour drive, we start getting ready at 10am on Sunday which would mean she would have to leave the concert at 4:45am to get here in time. She is constantly late and on top of it is a big party and she is going to be drunk and high, not the best conditions to make a early morning drive. I have no faith in her that she will leave on time to be here on time and not look totally haggarded on top of it all.
She has known about our wedding for over a year and knew that she could do one OR the other, not both. Yet today, she decides that she can do both. She can’t. No one in their right mind can.
So now with less than 2 months to go we have to find a replacement. How the hell did we lose out to a DMB concert that happens every year to a wedding that will happen once in her lifetime? She can go to the concert next year, but not our wedding. I know that sounds selfish, but it is less than 2 months and she just informed us. I am pissed. I am more than pissed, I am fuming. People sometimes just suck.
Post # 3
You have every right to be pissed off! Honestly though, she sounds like a crappy friend and you guys will be HAPPY she wasn’t in your wedding!
Post # 4
This is not a friend and if someone wanted to do this to me I would say that I no longer wanted them in my wedding at all and drop them as a good friend totally. Appallingly selfish behaviour to pull this after having known about the wedding for so long. DMB performs every year – you will only have this wedding once, does she not get that? People do suck.
One of my bridesmaids is a huge DMB fan, I’m going to send this to her so she doesn’t get any ideas, lol. Lucky for me we aren’t in the US.
Post # 5
Thank you, I have been saying this for the last few hours to my FI, it is his friend and on the grooms side so he has to make the decision, I just want her dropped. For the life of me I don’t understand her choices, I really don’t. It is a concert, it is our wedding and you have been friends with the groom since high school. Hell, he took you to his senior prom. Oh yeah, AND IT IS A CONCERT!, not very important on the scale of life.
Post # 6
This is pretty crappy of your friend!
The only thing I disagree with is that you say you have to find a replacement. Have people in your wedding party because you want them beside you, not to make the numbers even.
Post # 7
I’ve just checked the DMB website, and they are playing at The Gorge on the Friday August 30 as well as Saturday August 31. Perhaps suggest she go on Friday? It’s not the end of the world if she misses the rehearsal (which sounds like it’s on the Friday).
Or insist she drives back Saturday night.
Otherwise, if she says she’s going to be there 10 am Sunday, maybe you’ve got to trust her?
Post # 8
What she is proposing is unquestionably rude. She made a prior commitment to your wedding. She should honor that commitment.
I would ask her to choose- the concert or the wedding. I would NOT ask someone else to fill in. There is just no need to balance out the numbers.
Post # 9
“I would ask her to choose- the concert or the wedding. I would NOT ask someone else to fill in. There is just no need to balance out the numbers.”
Post # 10
Wow. Good riddance to her. If she’s this wishy washy/irresponsible/delusional right now, imagine all the different ways she could have F-ed up your wedding.
Post # 11
@Day_In_The_Life: well, if she says she can do both then i would let her try. perhaps closer to the day, she may think differently.
don’t kick her out, don’t replace her. just see what happens.
my dh’s sister stood up for him and did the same thing. a horse show 4 or 5 hours away. she made it on time for the wedding but left right after dinner b/c she was so tired; plus she had to get up early to drive back to see the rest of the show.
Post # 12
She’s missing the rehearsal, not the wedding, which is very different, and in my opinion a reasonable request. You’re not rehearsing for Broadway; someone can fill her in easily. Just re-read, she’s just missing the rehearsal dinner!! If she says she can handle both, then treat her like an adult and give her a chance.
DH and I had to fly to Daytona on a Friday afternoon for a wedding last summer; he got called into a mandatory business trip to the other side of the country. A “lose your job if you don’t turn up” kind of thing. With one week’s notice! The meeting went through till Thursday and employees were expected to fly home Friday; DH flew out Thursday night on a brutal two-stop itinerary, landed on the East coast at 11am, came home, had a shower, and we were on our 2pm flight as planned. Was it fun For him? Nope, but sometimes extreme schedule issues mean you just suck it up and do what you need to do!
Post # 13
I know that is it normal to have people try and do both, but you don’t know this girl, she is never on time and is not very reliable. LIke today, she said she would be over at 1, she was over 2 hours late because she lost track of time. It would be worse at the DMB concert because she will be drunk and high and that added to her unreliability makes it very very unlikely that she would actually show up on time. I have no problem with the people in the party who have to fly in for the wedding missing stuff like the rehearsal, but she is a local and made a promise when she said she could be in the party that she would not go to the concert because even she admitted that it would unikely she would be to the event on time.
We did tell her she could either be in the wedding party OR go to the concert. She decided to be in the wedding party and not go to the concert, but it should not have been an issue to begin with since she did make a promise 9 months ago to be in the wedding party and not go to the concert. Just a big sigh of relief from my end, but still not the stress I needed.
Post # 14
Ok now I love a DMB concert as much as the next stoner but that isn’t cool! Priorites man! How does your FI feel about it, since she is in his party? I can assume he isn’t happy with her decision. Really, If I were you, I would let all matters on grooms side be settled by the groom. Just to save yourself the stress. But she should choose. A DMB concert, as well as a wedding, is a full day commitment, regardless.
Post # 15
It’s a moot point, but I think you were wrong to give her an ultimatum of no concert or she’s out of the wedding party. She is an adult, and if she had to make it her business to attend the concert sober and drive back that night it was her responsibility. I understand your concern over her long history of unreliability, but that’s something your FI should have considered in the first place.
The most I would have had your FI say is that he is skeptical and that she is putting herself under a lot of pressure. What if there’s traffic? What if she’s not up to the long drive after her typical concert behavior? Then, if she didn’t show up on time and doesn’t walk, she doesn’t walk. That way she is the bad guy, not you guys for treating her as an irresponsible teenager. Even if she acts like one, which she does.
Post # 16
What a loser! I wouldn’t worry yourself with replacing her. We had an uneven number and it worked out just fine.