Lost a twin but one survived, anyone else?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
6753 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

That is so tough. But I think it is perfectly normal to grieve the loss of something you never even knew you had. All the what ifs and could have beens. There is no right way to feel- you are entitled to your feelings. I am simultaneously sorry for your loss and happy for you new baby on the way!

Post # 4
Member
527 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ve read about this happening!  I think it’s called a “vanishing twin.”  The good news is that since it happened very early, there aren’t any risks to the surviving twin.  When it happens in the 2nd or 3rd trimester there are some more risks to be concerned about.  I imagine that it must feel totally wild to learn at this late stage that you could have had 2 little babies coming in December.  I can also imagine the heartache you must feel.  Just because you only learned about this baby now, doesn’t make it any less painful to hear of the loss.  I think it is totally normal to feel the pain of loss, grieve this baby and think of him.  But, know that there was a reason this little babe didn’t make it and he/she is in a much happier place now.  Also, know that there is nothing that you could have done differently to change the outcome.  Miscarriage that early is usually the result of a chromosome abnormality.  Don’t even let yourself go down the what-if path.  Sooo many hugs to you.       

Post # 5
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@MrsHoneyC:  One of my really good friends lost a twin. Her girls were both born, but one died within the first hour of life. She struggled with a deep depression for about the first almost year. She still has depression, but it is not as deep. She did get a tattoo in memory of her lost child and in honor of the living one.

I also have a good friend that was a twin in the womb. Apparently she got all of the nutrients and her twin brother didnt get as many and so he died before birth. To this day, she still blames herself and feels terrible that she ‘killed’ her brother (something she goes to therapy about) so be prepared to talk with your child when the time is right about this and explain that they had nothing to do with its death and all that. You dont want your child blaming themselves for the rest of their life. 

Post # 6
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m marking so I can come back to post. Friends of ours had this experience anHamas have some advice. We are seeing the soon. I’ll pass along anything hopeful. 

Post # 7
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@MrsHoneyC: 

 

I am a survived twin!

 

My mother lost my twin relatively early on, and I survived and was born exactly on term, perfectly healthy.

My mother always let me know, and I’m quite glad she did.

 

Good luck with your pregnancy OP 🙂

Post # 8
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsHoneyC:  (((Huge hugs))))

It happened to a friend. I remember her getting really teary and I thought it was just pregnancy hormones. Later a mutual friend told me what had happened. So I assume it was never a secret. Her surviving daughter has always been healthy and now is a beautiful young adult herself. And the mother went on to have 3 other healthy children too!

Post # 9
Member
1450 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@MrsHoneyC:  well that explains your super early strong positive. I’m really sorry and honestly it’s normal to grieve. Even though you will never see it, it was still your baby. Do what you need to do to heal And knoit you did nothing wrong. *hugs*

Post # 10
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

@MrsHoneyC:  My grandmother had this happen to her and the twin that survived is my father!

Obviously back when my grandmother was pregnant in the 1950’s they didn’t have the technology we do today, so they weren’t sure what was going on.  I think, sadly, she had bleeding and then her body just expelled one of the babies because he had died.  The doctors had no way of knowing whether or not the other baby was ok or going to make it, so they recommended she have an abortion.  This was heartbreaking to her. She went ahead and scheduled the procedure, but prayed a lot and was never sure she should do it.  

The day my grandma was supposed to go have the abortion, a massive snow storm hit and the roads were closed. She took that as her sign from God to keep the baby. Sure enough, he made it and has lived a remarkable life.  

The twin that lived is an ordained Presbyterian Minister with a PHD in Communications and a Masters in Divinity.  He ran a church for 20 plus years, raised six children, and is now a college professor.  He is one of the most intellectually brilliant, kind hearted, witty, spiritually attuned, wise men I know.  Obviously I am biased because he is my dad, but the countless students and church members whose lives he has impacted over the years would agree. 

His life started as a miracle baby, and has continued to be a blessing and miracle.  I pray you and your surviving baby enjoy the same blessing.

Post # 11
Member
527 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just to address a pp about one twin taking all the nutrients from the other twin – this did not happen to your twins.  Twins that share a placenta are at risk for something called twin to twin transfusion syndrome, which is when one twin takes more than its fair share of the nutrients which can be very risky for the other twin.  BUT – your doctor found 2 placentas. This means that your babies could not have had TTTS. That also means that there is a 66% chance that they were fraternal, meaning babies had separate DNA.  In other words, it was most likely just chromosomal abnormality that caused baby to pass.  I had two early miscarriages prior to this pregnancy and even though that sucked, knowing that baby was unhealthy and would not have survived no matter what was helpful.  This info may also be helpful to your baby boy when he comes.  Just like there’s nothing mama did to hurt the twin, there is nothing baby did to hurt his twin either.  It just wasn’t meant to be.  HUGS

Post # 12
Member
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

My cousin was a twin, but the other was sadly miscarrieD. I thought it was bizarre when I first heard, but I have heard a few instances since. I don’t know how I would cope with the situation, I’m sorry you had to experience this but you sound so strong, and cherish your little boy 🙂

Post # 13
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsHoneyC:  That’s really terrible and I’m sorry you have to go through it.  I don’t have personal experience, but this happened to my cousin.  I could be wrong, but I think she lost the twin later in her pregnancy.  The other baby came out healthy as can be.  She’s 13 or so now.

Post # 14
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@FLBlonde93:  What an amazing story! My goodness!

@razzzzzz:  +1

To the OP, what happened with your twin is actually more common than most of us realize. I am part of an online forum, and over the 4 years I have been there, I’ve seen it happen half a dozen times to ladies.  Like razzzzzz said, it’s nothing you did wrong. It’s likely the other twin had something genetically wrong which wouldn’t allow him or her to survive. I know it probably doesn’t make it any easier, but at least you can relax knowing there is NO way you had anything to do with it.

 

*BIG HUGS*

Post # 15
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MrsHoneyC:  I haven’t been through it, but I am the twin who made it 🙂

My mom lost a set of twins and my twin. She grieved the loss of each one, and it was very hard for her because she lost them at the 12 week mark (so you can imagine the pain and heartbreak she went through “seeing” that). With my twin, she was really let down until they said she had another one still in there. They refused to do an u/s for the rest of her pregnancy, so she had to go every day wondering if she was still pregnant.

It isn’t easy, but my mom went on to have me and my brother. I wish you all the best with your future little one.

 

Post # 16
Member
4526 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am so sorry again hon that you had to find this out.  You grieve this baby any way and for as long as you and your DH want, you will always have my support.  I am sending you massive virtual hugs.  You are a strong woman!!!

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