Post # 1
I have come on here in the hope that I will get some clarification on what on earth has happened to my life.
I have been with my fiance for nearly 3 years, we feel in love very quickly after he had just got out of a 3 and a half year relationship. We have a mortgage together and I finally felt I have been completed and found my other half. We have had a few ups and downs as you do in any relationship. He proposed to me in may last year and things have been amazing, we have booked the wedding which is now 3 months away. the stress of the wedding and the politics of it all has obviously caused us to bicker which neither of us like but I told him this was normal In any relationship.
3 days ago I came home to find a note saying that he was really sorry but he needed some time apart and that there had been so much going on with us he needs to clear his head. He said that he wasn’t saying it was the end but he needs time to think about if this is right for both of us. He than said he was sorry he did it like that but he knew i wouldn’t let him leave if I was there (he is right). He then said he didn’t plan it, he was sorry the that he loves me.
I spoke with him on the phone after leaving him a voicemail saying I wasn’t angry at him and if he needed space then that was fine but he needed to give me more than a letter. He called me and was crying really badly down the phone at me, he said that he still loved me But needed to do this now than closer to the wedding or after it. I asked him if there was someone else and said ‘no I wouldnt do that to you’ (previous relationship ended due to him cheating) So I have no idea what to think. He has had a lot of pressure on him at the mo due To the wedding and then a job interview and then his sister and her husband have just split up because he had an affair so I don’t know if thats caused him to analyse and magnify the little things.
He asked me not to contact him at all so he had time to think, which was difficult as he had his job interview the day after he left, I asksed him how it went and that was it. we have gone one full day with our contact. He has messaged me this morning (Sunday) and said he will come and see me Monday. We are both working tonight so I think that’s why but I am now absolutely terrified that has is going to end it…….he hasn’t said he is coming home on Monday but ‘will come and see me’ I am so so scared that this is over….and I don’t know what to do. I know I can’t bombard him otherwise will push him away but every inch of me needs to fight for him. I am absolutely devastated and while I know he hasn’t said its over yet I have a gut feeling he is going to end it otherwise he would just come home wouldn’t he?
Please help as I want him to come home so so much……
Post # 3
sometimes, people just need a break. i know there are days when i want to run away and be away from my FI for a while. i love him with all my heart, he’s an amazing guy, but he drives me up a wall sometimes. my parents have been married for almost 30 years, and my mother has always taken breaks from my father, for a day or two. it just works. sometimes you need to get away and clear your head. it doesn’t mean things are over, it just means you need your own space for a bit.
i would give him a break. like you said, he said he was stressed and there was a lot going on. maybe he’s just overwhelmed and scared. guys can get scared too. it’s probably better that he takes a break, i’d hate for him to be freaking out around you. know what i mean?
let him breathe. find some distraction. go to the beach or pick up a hobby. get your mind off of this. it’ll be okay. if he ends it, he ends it and you move on. but if he doesn’t, then it’s all good. sometimes people just need a break.
fingers crossed that everything turns out okay for you!
Post # 4
OP, I am sorry this happens to you. Your story reminds me of myself 4 years ago with my first love. I know you are devastated right now and it sucks not to know what is going wrong. The more you want to get close to him, the more you feel you are losing the control in this relationship. My situation was the same. My ex disappeared without giving me any note/letter nor the reason. He called me up after 3 damn days, 3 days that I was crying and worried like crazy, to say that we were done. The more I tried to fix things and pull him closer to me, the more control he had over me and abused it.
Finally I had to let it be and move on with my life instead of chasing after him day after day. When I totally ignored him and let him deal with his problems, he crawled back like a dog.
I just want to share my story with you so that you can relax and let him has his space
Post # 5
I agree, sometimes people just need a break. Try not to stress yourself out thinking about it, just focus on you. Take this time to think about if you really want to be in the relationship. Are you getting all of your needs met?
Post # 6
@AlwaysSunny: I am yeah, I honestly thought we were so happy. Even as close as Monday we went to look at waistcoats for the wedding – his idea! I just can’t believe that this has happened.
i just can’t help thinking that if he was coming back home he wouldn’t be telling me he will see me Monday. its just not a good sign is it.
Post # 7
@BurningStar: You never know, “come see you” may mean come home. I wouldn’t assume the worst. Whatever the outcome is, it will be for the best. You’ll either be able to choose if you should continue the relationship or you’ll be free of someone who’s unsure about getting married.
Post # 8
I don’t know what to think….I feel physically sick thinking about him ending this he put in his letter I am not saying this is the end he if it has only taken him one day to come up with what he wants to do then he was lying to me in that letter. just want him to walk through our door, take me in his arms and all will be forgiven. x
Post # 9
He has called me and its over.
Post # 10
I’m so sorry this has happened. Did he give you a reason why he’s ending it?
Post # 12
I am sorry. Please be gentle with yourself.
Post # 13
I’m so sorry burningstar 🙁
Though I doubt you’ll be able to see this now, things will be better this way. Try to take care of yourself and don’t try to win him back, you’ll just lose your self respect and self worth trying to force him to love you and want you again, and it still won’t work. You’ll be in a worse place afterwards.
Look after yourself and lean on your friends and family. The bee is also a wonderful place to come and get support. good luck
Post # 14
“sometimes people just need a break”
right, but you don’t live a note to your fiance explaining this and disappear
i think that there is something else going on, definitely
ETA: just read the update. i’m so sorry. much love and virtual hugs
Post # 15
@BurningStar: I am so sorry. Just know you will be ok. You are your own person, and you’ve been liberated from marrying someone who doesn’t wholly appreciate you. You can get through this and be better for it.
Post # 16
@BurningStar: i’m so sorry that it’s over. it hurts right now but it will heal with time. focus on yourself. keep yourself busy.
you will come to realize that it’s better that it is done now and not after the wedding.