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I'm sorry that happened! Don't get discouraged, though. Just because you brought it up once doesn't mean that you can't start the challenge back over! If you really feel like it's something you need to discuss with him, then you should try to have a calm and rational discussion with him, and then leave it alone after that.
Awww - I'm sorry you're sad! I know how much it sucks to try to keep quiet about it, so you don't drive them crazy, but then you feel like you're going nuts at the same time!
On a positive note, it is smart that he doesn't want to finance the ring (& WOW - that must be an AWESOME ring if he's willing to spend that much on it! :) so you will not have to worry about that debt when you do get married, but like we discussed earlier in another thread, when that's what you want for Christmas, and then you hear that's not what you're getting, it is crushing. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
Hang in there, and don't worry about blowing the Christmas challenge, just challenge yourself each day to remain calm and know that it is coming!
waterprincess - I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH! Even though I am married now, (legally, ceremony is next year) I still dont have an engagement ring. WHY? Because he said he wants to pay in full and he doesnt want to do layaway or finance it. We had this problem before we got married! It drove me crazy!! All I can say is be patient. if you push him for it- he wont want to buy it at all. Have you considered getting engaged with no ring? and then you buy the ring? a ring shouldnt stop you from starting your future together :)
Thanks ladies - I would definitely take the commitment over the ring any day! We already live together, but I don't want him to get used to that and forget that we need to get married! I know he wants to, (he comes from a great family,) and money is the only issue I know of.
Even though I havn't talked about it to him, I still think about it everyday! It's been the longest month ever! I was finally excited that it was December, and then he throws this on me...
(((((((WATERPRINCESS))))))))
Dont feel bad, I lost the Christmas challenge after a week lol. I know that what he said about your Christmas gift is rough to hear, but at least he is being smart about his money and that he saving for that dream ring of yours!!
I learned a lesson today that I want to share with you: We are soooo lucky to have such great guys as our SO's. After talking with my best friends the past few days (who were both recently dumped and left heartbroken, and one just found out she has cancer), I realized that me complaining about a ring to them probably makes them feel like crap and that I should feel lucky just to have my man and my health. CHerish the fact that you are in love and that you are on your way to pre-engagement land :)))
Don't be so hard on yourself for talking to him about it. If you hadn't then on Christmas day you'd be so uptight that you'd probably have said something you'd later regret. Besides at least you know now that he has a plan.
When I was in this stage a friend told me that she had the most fun in the almost engaged stage knowing that it was all going to happen soon and to enjoy this time because the wedding planning can get stressful.
awww waterprincess! seriously, don't be so hard on yourself! you were totally in your right to bring it up, and at least now you know his plans. honestly, it's probably better in the long run for him to pay for the ring in cash - at least it won't be hanging over your heads and you can start planning a wedding without any ring debt! especially since you are still in school. i know it's easier said than done, but try to enjoy your holidays anyway - it seems like your man is totally committed to you and that's awesome!
((((((((((waterprincess)))))))) I don't have any advice, I just wanted to give you a hug!
Sorry you are going through this, but have you thought about letting him know that the ring you picked out doesn't have to be the one? You could always get a ring that costs much less and then upgrade at a later date; after you are married.
Awwwww don't worry...there isn't a day that goes by where I don't lose the challenge.
@fuschia - I am very happy that he is in my life! I know he is the one, I just get frustrated because I want to start our life! I know I could have much bigger things to complain about... and I am thankful for everything I have, including waiting for the question!!
@vintage - I actually do enjoy waiting, (in a sick twisted way,) and I know I will miss it when it is over!
@jaxx - yea I am kind of impressed that he suddenly wants to pay off the ring instead of financing it! One less bill every month!
@noritake - I have already chosen less expensive rings from my original dream ring, (a verragio,) which I now know is not even important. I made it clear that I wanted us to be in a commitment since we are living together, etc. asked him last night what he thought I wanted, and he said a ring... True, but I really want him to ask me! Ring or not!
We had a talk - with NO closure!! He basically he told me he is not going to give me a deadline in case something comes up and he is unable to get a ring, etc. But it's not going to be part of my Christmas gifts or have anything to do with Christmas. (So, let's hope for before Christmas!) He did act very cuddley after this conversation and kept reassuring me that he loved me. So, back to the challenge, and waiting...
Girl I am the same way, I want to get married and start having a family..its so frustrating to have to wait on someone else to start the life I want!
I know how you feel I've been trying my hardest to keep my mouth shut tight too but some days I just want to throw a tantrum like a 3 year old and pull my hair out! Hopefully you won't have to wait too much longer... it is sweet that he's saving up to get you something amazing though! Have a good Holiday season
I totally feel like a three year old too! And even after I was doing so good! I didn't say anything for about 5 weeks! And he makes it even worse, "oh, just relax..." "If you didn't talk about it all the time..." Hello? Where were you the last 5 weeks!?! Oh well, I give up again!
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Somehow we were discussing Christmas gifts last night. I am a full time student and don't have a job right now - so I have a minimal budget. Even so, I still wanted to get him a gift he has wanted for a long time that's about $300. He said, no, you don't have to get that for me! I said, well I figure I might be getting a big gift so I wanted to get you something nice. This leads to him saying that he would not be getting me a ring for a Christmas gift... which sends me over a ledge! I have been doing a great job not talking about it AT ALL and well, he asked my dad, who told my whole family so now there's even more pressure!
I waited a few minutes and, through other bee's advice, I tried to explain the time that it took to plan a wedding, that I wanted to have children and not be an old mom, etc. He told me all of the sudden that he does not want to finance the ring and he wants to pay cash! He said he has $1700 saved up and wants to bring as much cash to the place to get a good deal... (The ring is about $3200 if he gets the one I'm thinking.) I was not reassured by any of this news and once again I was the "crazy" one because I talked about it - after a month of keeping quiet! Anyways, I feel like I'm back to square one and feel totally defeated. I still want to talk about it, rationally, but I feel like giving up...