Lost the love of my life

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1372 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@magentasky:  people change. You grow up, want new things, become different people.

Its always hard to lose something familiar; even if it doesn’t feel quite right, it still feels like you’re losing your whole world. 

I hate to be blunt but maybe he said you made the right choice because he knew, like you had a feeling, that he would not follow through. Perhaps he did not have the guts to say it. Or maybe he hadnt quite figured it out yet. Who knows. 

From 19 to 26 is a huge difference. You do a lot of growing up, figuring out what you want. Sometimes, two people just don’t make it through that together.

It will hurt. It’s nevet easy to lose something that you love, that you’re so used to. But take it as a blessing that you both realized this before you were in too deep. And that you can both agree; it hurts, it sucks, but it’s the right choice.

Keep your head up, you’ll make it. The world is full of journeys!

Post # 4
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@magentasky:  I’m so sorry hear about what you’re going through, but you can get through this!


1) Don’t blame yourself for what is happening to him. He is fully in control of his own emotions, actions, and destiny, and he chose not to grow up whereas you did


2) He did not follow up his big words with actions. Actions speak 10x louder than words. In this case, he did not want to marry you – as sucky as that truth is, he knew that from the getgo. Perhaps there are other things blocking him in life. Regardless, the right man at the wrong time is still the wrong man. You want to be with someone who can’t wait to marry you


3) You did not leave him suddenly. You tried for months to talk about it, you even put down a deposit on a place, you worked on this, you put in effort. You gave up when he wouldn’t do the same. 


4) You’re still young! When I was your age I just came off a bad breakup as well and in two years I was married. You still have a lot ahead of you – focus on yourself. Focus on your education, job, your life, and on making a whole YOU that YOU can love. I’m not hearing a lot of self-love here and it’s so important you start self-loving so other people can love you


5) Above all else – remember this – love is an action. I do not doubt that your ex cared for you and that you guys had many wonderful times, but ultimately, he did not act on his love for you to marry you. And you WILL find love again – true love that is also acted upon. 



Post # 5
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Focus on being the best “you” possible and the right man will find you, because YOU are amazing!

The best things can come out of the worst situations. I found my FI when my life couldn’t get much lower and 2 weeks after swearing off men. You never know what is coming up next.


Post # 6
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I feel like he wanted to break up with you and didn’t have the balls to do it himself.

So he kept postponing the wedding hoping you would do the dirty work, and you did. He didn’t have the courage to do it himself, but if he really loved you he would be begging to get you back, not telling you you made the right decision.

Cut off all contact. Block his number, delete him off Facebook. Clean breaks heal better. Trust me, sister.

I drug it out with an ex for 5 years of on-again off-again after we broke up. It only delayed me meeting my wonderful Fiance who is ten times better than my ex ever was.

Post # 7
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Obviously he was having doubts..so i think it was a good idea to leave him..break ups happen all the time..its simple…and guess what…you will be extremely happy it happened when you find the real right guy for u..good luck

Post # 8
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think you had the courage to make the decision he couldn’t. It’s quite clear from what you say that he was stringing you along so far as actually getting married was concerned and I can only suppose that he thought you’d fall for his delaying tactics up to a point. I also suspect that once you told him enough was enough, while he’d got his ticket to freedom he may not have been ready to accept quite the level of freedom he actually got! 

Hence all the alleged hurt and grief. I say “alleged” because if he’d really wanted to remedy the situation he could have done. Right now it looks like he’s a bit shell-shocked to realise that you’ve pulled the rug right out from under him. Instead, I rather think that he’d planned to carry on, comfortably refusing to commit for as long as it suited him.

I know this is a hurtful and difficult time for you but you’ve done the right thing. Now cut him out of your life completely and move on to a brighter future.

Post # 9
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You don’t want to end up with someone who’s not all in. And he wasn’t. Focus on being the best you for now and the rest will fall into place when it should. Hugs!

Post # 10
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@magentasky:  I lived through something very (very!) similar and I know what you’re going through.  Trust me on this: you will heal, you will find love and someday you will look back and know that this was the right thing.  I know that seems crazy now, but I have lived through it and come out the other side happier than I ever was before.  Cut contact, give yourself all the time you need to heal, look back with fondness and love on the good things you shared….and then let go and move forward.  

Post # 11
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I know it’s painful. Ultimately he wasn’t right for you, and with time you will see that. What he was doing to you wasn’t fair. He wasn’t ready for whatever reason, and he put you through a lot of heartache. I don’t see how you had any other choice but to end it… or it would be dragging on the same way. That’s no way to start a marriage.


Post # 12
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Rebar

@magentasky:  doubt can be a powerful thing. When there is even an ounce of doubt wether or not this will work out or not…its best to leave it. I know its tough believe me i have been in your shoes…i was also engaged…and at that time the engagement was broken off. The toughest thing is to honestly realize it that has ended. But trust me that within time you will feel better. It will make you stronger. 

Post # 13
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

@Steampunkbride:  +1!

I’m sending best wishes and happiness for your future!

Post # 14
523 posts
Busy bee

First, I want to say that it almost seems like you are romanticizing the relationship a little bit wiht your comment of “The truest, purest love”. You loved him and he loved you but if you start putting labels on it like that you’re going to find it that much harder to move on. Trust me, I was so stuck on the idea that my love with my ex was perfect that it took me over a year and a half (and like 2 serious mental breakdowns) to even look at another guy again (and that guy is my current SO and a zillion times better for me).

I think what you need to do is write down the reasons why you left, what the problems in your relationship were and why they were dealbreakers. You gave him chance after chance but he seemed to be incapable of setting a date. That way you can see in black and white what the issues wiht your relationship were.

Honestly, zero contact will probably be the best bet for you. I wish you ever bit of luck with this. I hope you find peace soon.

@Steampunkbride:  +1

Post # 15
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@magentasky:  Big hugs to you. I was with this guy for a little two years vs the 10 years I was with another guy before that. However, those 2 years at that time felt like the best 2 years of my life spending it with someone (of course there were ups and downs). This person managed to do the smallest things and I would be so giddy. He got along with my family, my niece and nephews loved him to death. We talked about having kids, our future, and I saw myself marrying this guy. Long story short, I did everything for this guy and our future, one day while I was talking to him, he broke things off and told me he was just unhappy. He said he wasn’t the guy for me and that was that. That convo all started bc he was going to a bachelors party and all I asked was that he not touch any strippers, even tho I already knew they all were getting a lap dance. I felt the world crumbled on me. It was two weeks from my bday and right around Thanksgiving. I kept asking why, what happen, and maybe maybe he will just realize and come back. I put my Xmas plans on hold, even my NYE plans, hoping he would call by V-day. Nope. Nothing. Not even a bday greeting. I was beyond hurt. How can someone I did so much for say he’s nthe happy and not the one for me?

Little did I know, he was right. He wasn’t the guy for me. I eventually met my now husband and things are beyond great. I will admit I wasn’t as super giddy as I was with the previous guy, but my husband is the greatest man and real love of my life. You see the previous guy has told me before that he’s not the one for me. But I let it roll off my back and continue to be in a relationship with him bc I wanted it so bad. If he didn’t break things off with me I would never have had the courage to leave him. My ups were so happy and my downs were ridiculously bad. When I look back at it, I really should have walked away from that relationship a long time ago. 

I learned when a guy tells you he’s not the one for you, or you are right and made the right decision, or they are not ready to be in a committed relationship, they really are speaking the truth and staying in the relationship and hoping things will change isn’t the answer. You are still young. Focus on yourself and love yourself and the rest will fall in place. Take cares 🙂

Post # 16
1834 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@magentasky:  you are so brave! I have the deepest admiration for you. I was in a similar relationship when I was your age and I did not have the courage to end it… we stayed together for another unhappy year and had a terrible breakup that could have been avoided if one of us walked away before resentment set in.

I know you loved each other, but you must want the same things in life in order to have a future, and unfortunately you and he didn’t… he told you that you made the right choice because he realized that while he cared for you deeply, he wasn’t going to marry you. It would have been wrong to come back to you and continue stringing you along.

I know it’s painful now, but you will move on from this and be happy and love again. Try to keep busy as possible – spend time with friends, and family, and you will find the pain eases each day.

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