Post # 1
I have always felt self conscious about my weight and have gone through ups and downs. Last year I gained about 20 pounds because of meds and health issues preventing me from exercise. When I tried my dress on in December of 2011 and it wouldn’t zip up, I knew I had to take action.
Since then I have lost about 25 pounds and have reached my “goal” weight loss for the wedding. Everyone keeps raving about my weightloss and saying how skinny I am getting. Problem is, I don’t see it.
I can feel that my clothes are loose and some of my clothes don’t fit me at all, but I still feel fat. I should be happy and I should be proud of myself, but I’m just not. I feel that it’s not enough, and I need to be thinner. I still feel FAT.
FI has begged me to stop losing weight and says that I am disappearing before his eyes. Again, I just don’t see it. Lately I have become obsessed with looking good for the wedding. The thought of waking down the isle and everyone thinking “FAT!!” is causing me anxiety. I also keep picturing my dream of romping around on the beach in an itsy bitsy bikini on our honeymoon. I know I can’t do that because I will never be “skinny” or look how I want to look.
I’m beginning to wonder if I have body dysmorphic disorder. Is this normal??
Post # 3
25 pounds is awesome! You have no reason to feel fat, ever! Maybe you just aren’t used to your “new” body and still see yourself as your previous weight. Post a pic so we can all give you a compliment, maybe that’d make you feel better =]
Post # 4
Join the club my dear 🙂 I went from 210 to 165 and I when I look in the mirror even a year later, I still see my old size 16 self, even though my husband swears up and down I look amazing. I see the size 8 labels in my clothes and think it’s a lie! I think a lot of people that lose a significant amount of weight have the same problem. I talked to a nutritionist at my husband’s request because I was saying the same kinds of things you are! She really helped me sit down and take control of what I was eating and helped me realize I’m at a perfectly fine weight for my height (5’10). I still have my moments, but they’re much fewer and far between.
Post # 5
Firstly CONGRATULATIONS! This is a massive achievement and you should feel so proud that you have lost that weight….
and secondly – I can’t say it’s “normal” since I don’t know enough / spoken to enough people about it…. but what I do know is I got it BAD. Not straight away, but a little way into my weight loss I used to cry in the morning because I couldn’t find clothes to fit my new body. They were too big, or a bit too small, or didn’t sit right… or… didn’t match the shirt I wanted to wear…. or… or.. or………. I used to lay on the sofa and push and pull at my hip bones and my rib bones and the fat I hated on the bits in between. I would stare at my face in the mirror for AGES analysing EVERYTHING. I lost probably another 10 pounds after this, and have since put about 7 back on… so it’s not my body that has changed it’s my perseption……
It took a while, but my brain gradually caught up with my body image, and now when I look in the mirror I see me, now, how I am. And I am happy. I would still like to loose a bit more weight, maybe 10-15 pounds…. but I don’t look at myself and think I NEED to. y’know?
You’ll get your confidence back, but it will take time to get used to the new you *HUGS*
Post # 6
I lost 65 pounds years ago, and I was so miserable and all I could see was my “fat” thighs. I kept trying to loose that little bit more and it just wouldn’t come off. Skin was hanging off my belly and my ribs were sticking out my back, yet my thighs were the only thing could see. Eventually I realized that their was more going on that was making me miserable (I was in a very bad relationship), I had terrible self esteem and I was channeling all my anxieties into weight loss. It was what I could control.
So to your question- Yes you are displaying behaviors and thought processes that are linked to body dysmorphic disorder. If your fiance is ‘begging’ you to stop loosing weight because you are “disapearing’, then maybe you should stop and take a really good look at the situation. What does a height/weight chart say about where you are currently? Have you always had bad self esteem? Cause If thats the case, starving yourself down to nothing isn’t going to change that, trust me, I’ve been there. Dont compare yourself to others, you will never be anyone but you. 99% of pictures you see in the media are airbrushed beyond anything reconizable. And it took me years to really FULLY understand that.
I know nothing anyone on this board says is really going to change the way you feel about your body, but I can tell you that what you see and what others see is probably VASTLY different.
Post # 7
According to the BMI chart I am “overweight.” Everyone tells me that it is because I am muscular and “bigger boned” but it still makes me feel bad about myself when I think that I am still considered overweight. I am definitely not starving myself, just eating only healthy foods and exercising. I still weigh 150 pounds so I am definitely not disappearing lol!
Post # 8
Look back at old pics and take one of you now. If you put them side by side you will be able to see the differences. I just posted my Before and During face pics yesterday, and i have lost about 20lbs and you can def. tell im my face. Im sure you will see the same with your pics
Post # 9
Congratulations on the awesome achievement of having lost 25 pounds! That’s wonderful and you have every right to be very proud of yourself for having done that. Everyone knows losing weight is one of the most difficult things in life.
I understand the “still feeling fat” thing because when I was younger, in my 20’s, I went through a time in college I was practically starving myself after having gained about 15 pounds. One little insult from my uber-healthy-skinny Mom was enough to cause me to eat only carrot and celery sticks for awhile. The bad thing was I lost down to 99 pounds and ended up looking like a skeleton. But, I still FELT “fat.” But something snapped in me one day and I realized it was a wacky misconception that was in mind, based on a remark made by my mother, even though she really wasn’t intending any harm. I eventually got over it and got way more healthy in later years and adopted better habits of diet and fitness.
It is along the lines of body dysmorphia to feel this way, exactly as though your brain still hasn’t “caught up” with the fact that your body is much thinner and healthier now. But if your FI is assuring you of your beauty and requesting you not lose any more weight, then trust what he is saying. Most women would be deliriously happy to hear those words, lol. Not long ago I said to my FI that I would like to lose 10 pounds before our wedding and he just said, “Oh, ok, that sounds good.” Part of me wanted to KILL him, lol!! So you’re lucky your FI is happy and content with your current weight. If you are beautiful and sexy to him that is something you can trust and count on. He sounds very sweet and very much in love with you!
I hope you continue with your newfound healthiness but please don’t take it too far and give yourself a complex or eating disorder (like I temporarily did those years ago). If your clothes fit better now that is much more important than the number on the scale. You are doing great, be proud of yourself for your accomplishments! I’m sure you look very beautiful and will be a beautiful bride on your wedding day as well. And you know your FI will think so, too.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride's residence
Have you bought clothes to fit your new size? I hung out in baggy clothes for awhile after loosing my first 10 pounds because I knew I wanted to lose more weight and didn’t want to spend money on an inbetween size. Mr. D finally dragged me out to the city and made me shop, and it made a huge difference to be wearing clothes that fit!
And, I second PP’s advice about photos — I didn’t realize how much my face had slimmed down until I saw a photo.
Post # 11
What your feeling is perfectly normal. I was at my highest weight ever in my life, and when I started to lose weight, everyone told me the same thing. They weren’t use to seeing me “skinner” and personally I didn’t feel skinny at all. Over time, when you look back at photos, you’ll realize how much weight you’ve actually lost and how wonderful you look.
Instead of thinking how you’re not losing enough weight, embrace the fact that you were able to achieve the weight loss the way that you did. No one is judging you but yourself.
Post # 12
@Legallyblondiebride: You should be so proud of yourself! Way to go! But trust me you are not alone in how you feel. I’ve lost 57 pounds in the last year and a half and I still feel like I weigh the same . What has helped me cope is buying new clothes that actually fit. Wearing my old clothes made me “see” the old me. I also changed my style (no more baggy clothes for me). Also, this may sound weird, but look at yourself nude. I mean REALLY look and try and see if you can point out the changes. I’ll bet you can. These are just the little things that I do to remind myself that I HAVE changed and I SHOULD be proud of my efforts.
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour
Right there with ya!
I am approaching the 150 mark myself – 20lbs down since the engagement. I am happy with what I have achieved but I still want to improve myself to where I am completely happy with my image.
I agree with comparing then and now pictures of yourself. It’s hard to really see changes in your own body since you see it every day 🙂
Sending love your way!
Post # 14
BMI is honestly a terrible way to gauge health when you get to a certain point – there’s too much variation, and BMI does not accurately reflect things like muscle and build. BMI tells me a healthy weight for me is 115-120… yeah, okay, not ever going to happen because I plan to keep building muscle as I lose weight.
My friend has the PERFECT body – curves in the right places, muscle from running and lifting for years… she wears a size 6 and BMI tells her she’s overweight because she’s 135 at 5’3″ – but she’s not overweight at. all.
Here’s a really concise NPR article that might get you thinking about BMI a little more:
So please throw BMI out the window for now – it’s helpful for those like me who are truly obese to track progress, but not so much for others.
I also urge you to consider seeing someone for counseling on your self image. It can be very heplful, especially during the and after the weight loss process. I’ve also got incredibly low self esteem, and I can relate to how you feel – sometimes, it seems like the more I lose, the less my clothes fit, the more fat I feel.
If your FI is begging you to stop, that’s a HUGE red flag that things aren’t going right. It’s fantastic that you reached your goal, but you have to find satisfaction with your body at some point – that’s what it’s really all about, and I truly hope you can find that.