Post # 1
My Darling Husband and I have been married now for 7 1/2 years and I love him very much. Over the most recent years, though, I have found that he has become more and more blatant with his unappealing behavior (picks toenails on couch, picks nose, farts, burps, consistently picks at his blemishes ’til the point of infection, etc). The main thing that I completely detest is the picking of his toenails on the couch. When I had first brought it to his attention that it bothered me, he told me that it was a habit of his to relax. Now, after some years and him continually doing it, I am getting to the point of feeling totally disgusted and am very snappish when I tell him to stop. What can I do or what should I do to handle the situation?
Post # 3
I’m really sorry my lovely SO now does his toes in the bathroom after a year of asking (read snapping) I always go make a cup of coffee or tea to make myself busy if he slips back into old habits.
Post # 4
Whenever my SO picks at his nails I have to tell him to stop. I can’t deal
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
When I was a kid, my dad would take us to the park and sit on a bench while we played and chew his toenails. No joke. It was gross.
Post # 6
Im a serious germaphobe. I would be hysterical if these things were happening Near me.
Post # 7
Bring it up when he is not doing it. Tell him you know you have asked him to stop, but it getting to the point that its noy just annoying, but you are disgusted by it and it turns you off. Tell him you understand he has habits, but you are asking that he confine this one to the bathroom or shower because to you this is not a habit for the public rooms of the house.
Hopefully the “It turns me off” will appeal to his desire to have sexy time with you
Post # 8
You could start to do gross things in front of him to bother him. Then you could both agree to not do those things.
Post # 9
@ThreeMeers: Good advice.
Things like this seem little until we realize that they totally affect our demeanor around our spouses/SOs.
Do you have any habits that possibly bug your husband? Maybe you guys can make a deal to each modify that behavior to help maintain your sanity together. 😉
Post # 10
As annoying as that sounds, and as much as it bugs you, you should love your husband for who he is, gross habits and all. I’m sure you have your own habits that disgust him, or perhaps you simply don’t get as glammed up as you used to, or make sure your legs are shaved if your not going anywhere.
Post # 11
I agree with PPs – play the “it turns me off” card. It’s true, right? Of course you love your husband, flaws and all, but if there are certain things that gross you right out and he could slightly modify his behavior to fix that, I see no problem with you asking him to. It’s not as if you’re asking him to stop picking his toenails entirely, you’re just requesting (politely) that he not do it in front of you. I’m sure if he were to ask something like that of you or bring something like that to your attention, you’d be equally willing to compromise, right?
When you’re just sitting together relaxing, bring it up gently. Start out by complimenting him, and say something like, “I love you so much, and I love how comfortable we are with each other, but I also love our intimacy, and when you do (insert behavior here) I find it unattractive and it turns me off. I don’t want to think about you that way, so do you think maybe you could make more of an effort to stop doing that in front of me?”
To make him feel even more comfortable, maybe you could ask him if there’s anything he’d like you to stop doing in front of him, or anything you’d like him to do more of. Make it about bringing desire and intimacy back to the relationship rather than insulting and offending.
Post # 12
@Tiffmorris: So do you think it would be better if there were things that were bothering each person and they just kept quiet about them and let them ruin the intimacy? I definitely agree that people should love their SOs for who they are, but it’s a bit idealistic to think that there won’t be any small behavior that needs to be modified for the sake of the relationship. It’s not like she’s trying to fundamentally change who he is, she just wants him to quit picking his toenails!
Post # 13
gross! go get the clippers and tell him to clip them not pick them! I’m not super picky when it comes to nasty behaviors but that would irk me too – make him go do it in the bathroom at least!
@Tiff-I don’t think she ever said she doesn’t love him because of it. You can love someone and hate their gross habits all while not having to put up with them!
You both need to be comfortable in your own home – even if that means altering some habits…
Post # 14
You could make some sort of agreement like “each time you pick your toenails, I’m blasting Joni Mitchell/putting on “The Wedding Planner”/spraying perfume on your socks/etc.” Something that will have an unpleasant consequence.
Post # 15
mine does this with farts beside me … i knwo it sounds mean…
but i hit him hard in the arm everytime… needless to say he doesnt do it anymore.
Kind of like spanking a dog to train it LMAO.
Post # 16
My Fiance picks his nails and toenails and I can’t STAND it! It makes me violent…it is the one thing that I just cannot deal with. After a couple years of snapping at him he has gotten a lot better about it. I just can’t stand the sound of it…he even does it in the theatre! I can’t concentrate when I hear that litttle gross clicking sound. For a long time he thought it was funny and didn’t realize how much I hated it, then finally one day it clicked with him and he was like, “Wow you really hate it don’t you?” Now he tries not to do it in front of me, but it is a habit of his. Now all I have to do is turn my head and look at him and he stops doing it hahaha. I don’t even have to say a word anymore!