(Closed) Low self esteem (kind of a pitty-party, sorry!)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ugh I totally feel you. I’m having serious weight issues right now and getting ready for the 2010 hardcore weight loss regime I plan on starting. I’m very scared of failing. I’m very scared that I will end up with a huge gut for my wedding because I won’t have the will power or strength to lose all the weight. It’s really an awful feeling and I know what you’re going through. It’s also made me feel SO non-sexual. I feel so gross about my body compared to the way I looked when we first started dating that it makes me either never want to have sex or uncomfortable with myself during sex. Basically it’s a trainwreck and I totally hear you.

Post # 5
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We just got the NIntendo WII and im telling you, its the best investment we’ve made this year! I bought the fitness game for it and its awesome! THey have pilates and yoga and its just so fun! The game system was $150 used, not bad to help shed some pounds. My wedding is 5 mnths away too and im just eating healthier and staying away from junk food, then I can pig out on our honeymoon! 

Post # 6
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I can identify with this sometimes, but do remember that your fiance loves you unconditionally.  When you really think about the things that are bothering you, know that chances are they’re just in your head.  No one’s looking at you and seeing all of the things you are in the same way.  Also, remember that your fiance has faults, but do you see them everyday?  And for the ones that you do see (let’s say, something physical like his abs are softer than last year) – do you love those abs less?  nope.  Think about what you want to change and try your best.  In the meantime, totally style yourself differently – naked or clothed.  My booty’s getting bigger lately, so I’m embracing the sweater w/ a belt look b/c of the added curves – looks good!  And I’m totally pointing my toes and other ridiculous little things that in my head make me look good when not clothed ๐Ÿ™‚ 

As for pre-wedding goals.. i know everyone is different, but I had high hopes to train before the big day (the back is quite exposed in the wedding dress) but I had too much else on my plate and just abandoned those thoughts.  So, whatever – it was lovely anyway!  And now I’ll have something to do after the new year, now that I have all this free time not planning a wedding!  Don’t worry so much and you’ll feel better.  Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t have a specific plan in place. Basically at this point, GETTING to the gym is step one. I have sort of a tripartite plan – quit smoking, get my fat a** to the gym and start slow, and eating healthier. The smoking has always impeded my ability to exercise as much/as hard as I need to, so that is a huge motivating factor for me. Once I quit I’m hoping that I’ll be able to get back on the exercise train and feel more confident in my ability to lose the weight. As for eating healthy – I was on Weight Watchers briefly but I gave up because I needed to be coupling the dieting with exercise and I wasn’t doing that. I’m going to try it again. It’s not for everyone, but for me personally, I need structure when it comes to healthy eating. FI is also going to diet and exercise with me because he’s gained a bunch of weight too. Of course, he doesn’t care as much as I do because he’s a guy, but he is going to do it with me and help me stay on track. His motivation will be that I’ll want to have sex again ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I know where you’re coming from. I feel kinda down on myself, because I allowed myself to gain weight over the holidays, got a bad haircut (boo!), and am totally broke thanks to the wedding/holidays. I know I can lose the weight and my hair will grow back, but I need a new job and more money and some kind of a pick me up.

Post # 9
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I understand!!! I feel like that A LOT! I think the best way for me to get out of that slump is to do some pretty things for me! Give myself a mani/pedi. Maybe get your hair trimmed or cut or dyed. Go through your closet and take out the stuff you don’t wear, then make an effort to wear everything else at least once before rewearing! Go for a walk too! The fresh air and excerise will be good. I understand about feeling so unsexy! I get like that too. But if you do those things, and start some excercise, even if just a little, it should help you feel a little better about yourself!

Post # 10
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

We all have those days when we feel completely ugly. Whether it’s that we feel fat, bad hair, zits, all our cute clothes are in the laundry, etc. it happens, and it’s ok to totally throw pity parties for yourself!  I wonder constantly why I was not blessed with beautiful, clear skin. I am 29 years old and break out like a 14 year old. Big, red, painful acne. I have about 7 of them on my face right now (jawline), plus scarring from past ones. I would LOVE to have nice clear skin, and it gets me down all the time.. Here’s a secret – Sometimes I even cry about it to hubby. He tells me I’m beautiful and way too hard on myself. Thank God for our SO’s accepting us the way we are! Now if we could only learn to do the same.

Best of luck to you in your weight loss efforts. You are strong and you can do it.

Post # 11
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think it’s a normal feeling for this time of the year with all the extra food, stress, etc. What always helps me feel better is making an extra effort with my outward appearance even if on the inside I feel crappy.

Like, if I’m picking out clothes instead of just throwing something on (which I generally do when I’m in a funk) I take time to pick something out nice, make an effort to style my hair and maybe put on a little make-up (which I don’t really wear on a daily basis). At home mani/pedi’s are also fun and cheap and make me feel better!

Exercise also helps. This can be excersie in the house or just taking a walk. I find that the more I do with my body, the better I feel about how it looks. And, exercise helps release endorphins so you get a natural feel good pick me up!

Even though weightloss is hard, you can do it!

 

Post # 12
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

i’m totally there!! i had a come to jesus moment with myself this time last year when i had hit my top wieght i think in my whole life. the best thing to do, as kittyachi has said, is start slow. i think women tend to be l immediate gratification/results fiends, but don’t push yourself too hard. for me, exercise is extremely hard to fit in, but i did it in anyway i could. i slowly started peeling back my daily calorie intake, but didn’t beat myself up if i gave into eating a few pieces of chocolate at the office one day… it also helps if other people are in on it with you. my BF is the genetic opposite of me and can eat pretty much any amount of any kind of food and not gain a pound and doesn’t really ever feel compelled to eat healthy (portion control is probably my biggest downfall and he certianly does not help me there). but if you can find a little support network, whoever it may be, i think you’ll be pleasantly surprised that it’s less difficult and hard work than you think!

@okqueenbee – girl, i hear you!! i still have horrible break outs from time to time and will soon be turning 30 and i hate it! birth control was one of the best things that happened to my face, but i can no longer be on it for medical reasons, and now i feel like i’m 15 again, and no product i use works on a long term basis. but support from the men folk helps immensely, and i just keep telling myself that my life successes to date happened whether i had acne or not, so i must be doing something else right ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I hear you with the feeling down on yourself.  It’s a constant struggle for me.

That being said, I actually have one thing that I do that helps me a LOT!  Whenever I feel really ugly or fat or stupid…I go to the FH and ask him to tell me 1 thing that he loves about me that he hasn’t told me before.  It’s been an eye opening experience because the things he says are always the things that I would NEVER pick, but he loves them.  ๐Ÿ™‚  For instance, he mentioned that he loves that I laugh so hard that I start crying sometimes…believe me, I’m NOT attractive when that happens, but he loves that. 

Try not to beat yourself up.  The very thing you hate could be the thing he loves most about you.

Post # 14
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

When ever I’m feeling really unattractive or down on myself, I scrape together $15 and get my eyebrows waxed! LOL. It instantly makes me feel beautiful, because my lady does such a beautiful job with them. For whatever reason, it just makes me feel “refined”. I also play around with my makeup and wear sexy undies, even if i’m feeling chubby they instantly make me feel like a sex kitten!

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