Post # 1
For some reason my sex drive has been a lot lower for the past month. I’m still very attracted to my SO (I even tried fantasizing about other male celebirites, porn etc while alone…did not change my level of interest in sex) and he’s great in bed. I’m finding it more difficult to have orgasms, and more difficult to even be ‘in the mood’. I feel like I just want to cuddle most of the time- and just a month ago I was trying to have sex with him constantly.
I took 3 pregnancy tests, all negative. I’m not on any medications that might cause this (except birth control, but I’ve been on it for many years without this side effect). I still get very wet during sex, but the sensation doesn’t seem as intense and my mind just isn’t “there”. As I said, it’s NOT my SO’s fault. He’s doing the same stuff he’s awlays done, and last month it was amazing. The sex is still great, I just feel like my body isn’t as orgasmic as it used to be. It’s just harder to O, and to feel in the mood. I’m young, so it’s not menopause.
I don’t think I have more anxiety now than before, although worrying about being able to orgasm is making me really anxious and I’m starting to have “performance anxiety”, worried that I won’t O. I’m also just afraid that I’m destined to be like this forever.
Does sex drive naturally just wane, in and out? Do you think it could be a deficiency, or some hidden explanation? Other than this I feel fine.
Post # 3
i’m in the same boat as you. i recently started BC (about 2 months ago or so) and i know that’s caused a dip in my sex drive although i’m on the lowest hormone dose possible. but even before i was on BC, i found my sex drive sort of lowering and then getting back to normal again in phases for a couple weeks to a couple months. it can be frustrating but i’m hoping it’s just natural for some women.
i’m sorry i don’t have much advice but i just wanted you to know that you’re not alone! i feel you 100%!
Post # 4
I’ve also been on my birth control pills (same kind) for about 3 years now, and over the past year it has started affecting my sex drive. I’m the same way and I have ZERO drive. Things can start taking a negative effect on our body after some time, it isn’t necessarily always right away.
I feel awful because obviously it bugs both DH and I, but when I tried switching to NuvaRing and wound up huddled over the toilet sick as heck for 3 days straight until I finally took it out.
Try going into your doctor and giving another pill a shot. Anxiety can definietely be a factor, but it very well just may be your body starting to not like this pill anymore.
Post # 5
@PacificMrs: It sucks because switching pills would be such a hassle and it does GREAT things for my body other than this. I’m really hoping there’s another way out! lol
Post # 6
@embarrassed99: Talk to your gyno about it. I’ve heard there’s certain vitamins and other things that can be taken to help increase it again?
Post # 7
Another in the same boat. Admittedly I’m on some medication that might be affecting it but I just don’t understand what’s going on with me and I feel sorry for my FH!
Post # 8
Get your thyroid checked! Among other things, it can drop your sex drive.
Post # 9
@embarrassed99: It probably is because of BC. I have been with my bf for almost 6 years and have been on birth control for most of that time. We always had a pretty decent sex life (I’m 23 he’s 26) so even on bc I was still ok. But, 4-5 months ago I thought I had another refill on a prescription when I didn’t and we ended up using condoms because I didn’t have time to go to the gyno to get a prescription. So, for the past 4 months or so I have been off birth control and HOLY COW my sex drive is insane. I always had sex at least a couple of times a week, but similar to you it started to get less interesting after a while and to be honest sometimes it felt like a chore. Not anymore.
I am realizing that what I said is not all that helpful to you :/ , but I feel like I’m in the opposite situation where I’m deciding if it’s worth the annoyance of condoms to keep my sex drive up or if I should go back on bc and see what happens.
Hopefully this will be more helpful to your actual question, but when I was on birth control I definitely felt like my sex drive was on and off. Sometimes I was in the mood for a while and sometimes I was bored just thinking about it. Some things I think that helped me were making sure to go out on dates (something about not being able to be all over each other in public always made me want to be all over him as soon as we get home) and reading erotica, which just helps me stay turned on in general because I’m interested in the books. Either way this situation sucks. Women kind of get the short end of the stick on sex drive it seems. I would also encourage getting your SO to give you a lot of foreplay (I’m talkin’ 20 minutes at least) of oral/ finger action. Sometimes when I wasn’t in the mood I wanted to rush and just get it over with, but if I actually took the time to let him do his thing and get me in the mood it usually worked and felt better in the long run.
Post # 10
Even without taking the birth control pills into account, your sex drive can vary a lot throughout your life (it can vary greatly, and can also be very personal). Sometimes this just happens. Also, even though you noted that you have been on the pill for a few years and not had this side effect, sometimes side effects crop up seemingly out of nowhere. While it isn’t as common for something like low sex drive to come out of nowhere, it absolutely can happen. While it’s an entirely different medication, I was having problems passing out (including in the shower!) and my dr linked it to a medication I was on for nerve pain. I’ve been on that med for 3-4 years and never had this issue. I’ve been off of it for a month and no passing out (although some minor dizzying spells – but, I’m on two separate meds that can cause that). But back to you. Low sex drive is a very common side effect of birth control pils.
If it’s bothering you, you have several options:
- Go off of the pill (and if you still want birth control, switch to something like family planning method, condoms, IUD, cervical cap, etc)
- Switch to a different pill (side effects can be so personal. So while pill X had no side effects for me, it may cause your sex drive to bottom out)
- Talk to your gyno about adding something in. I was on some major hormones (in addition to some other health issues I have endometriosis). I was basically in a temporary menopause and had some lousy side effects, including bottomed out sex drive, dryness, etc. I wish I could remember what it was, but my dr prescribed a vaginal suppository that really helped. There may be some vitamins/minerals that can help, but I’m not very knowledgable on that
- Try to kick your sex drive into gear. When I had an issue w/ my sex drive this fall, my reproductive endocrinologist told me to try make it happen anyway. So this meant plenty of foreplay, masturbation, etc. Her reasoning was that if you have sex more often, you want it more often.
I’m sure there may be other options out there, but my brain isn’t really working today.
Post # 11
Can you go on a mini vacation? 🙂 I find when I am stressed and tired I sometimes don’t want to…but if I am in a hotel, or even a tent away from our home it can help!
That said, this happened to me, and I went off bcp. Now we have to use condoms, but I found it made a difference.
Post # 12
If its a real bother, I would definately try going off the birth control. It makes a big difference. I was on BC for several years… and my sex drive just plummetted. I was pretty much ok to never be intimate again. It sucked. I’m now off the pill and it has made a MASSIVE difference – lookout FI!!!!
Post # 13
@embarrassed99: I think sometimes birth control pills can suddenly compromise your libido even after taking them for a while with no issues. That would be the first thing I would change, if I were you. Have you considered nonhormonal birth control like the copper IUD? (I have a copper IUD and it is the absolute best of all the methods I’ve tried. . . and I’ve tried almost all of them.)
The next thing that comes to mind for me is, how is your relationship? Is there tension over anything? Has anything happened/been done between you or that your SO has done that made you not so happy? Is there anything about which you might be suppressing emotions, that concerns your relationship? Is there anything in your life that you are not happy with, like your job or family situation? I have gone through phases of being low-level dissatisfied in my relationship, or being stressed about a job or family issues, and that is when I’ve experienced the kind of low sex drive and issues you describe. In fact, at a few points when I had that problem, it was exactly as you said– and it was because I was stressed about my life/the relationship on some level. This problem always coincided, for me, with gynecological issues (semi-chronic yeast infections, UTIs, strange cramps) so I have to wonder if the whole emotional/physical balance was out of whack and caused me to be much less excited about sex, and to start worrying about orgasms, or the lack of them.
I think that for me, this sort of thing was most closely related to how I felt about myself/my job/the relationship. Finding a career path and being more satisfied with that stuff helped, but I ended up going to an acupuncturist who helped me with this issue hugely.
I just remembered– another BIG reason for my troubles in the regard was having issues with waiting to be engaged (I am still waiting. . . bear with me). There was a long time when I pretty much knew I wanted to be with my SO forever, but wasn’t completely sure, partially because HE wouldn’t say if he thought he wanted to be with me permanently. When this finally got resolved and we were more secure in our relationship, I noticed my sex drive improving. So there are a lot of potential reasons for this stuff– basically, try changing birth control (go for non-hormonal if you can) and carefully examine your emotional state.
Hope that helps!
Post # 14
@newwebb: I just noticed what you said in your reply to the OP. . . have you thought about a copper IUD? 🙂
Post # 15
@Creiddylad: I’ve never heard of that before actually. I will look into it, thanks!