(Closed) Mad dramz on the guest list tip

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Honestly, I think that you need to back down a bit.  Correct me if I am wrong, but I think you said that your Dad is paying for the wedding – are your parents paying 100% for everything? 

In all of the guest list problems, I have found that as frustrating as it is, the people who do pay for the wedding get the most say in things like budget and guest list.  It would be an entirely different scenario if you and your FI were paying of if your FI’s parents were paying, but since yours are paying… you need to let them invite who they want. 

Even more so, 1/3 of the guest list for their guests is very fair.  Typically, the bride’s parents get 1/3, the bride and groom get a 1/3, and the groom’s parents get 1/3 of the guest list.

I know it can be so difficult and frustrating, but I think in this case, you should back down a bit.

Post # 4
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with Mrs. Louboutin – if your parent(s) are paying – then they do get a greater say. My venue only holds 250 (max- and that is tight) – and when my parents sent me back their guestlist there were 140 people on the list – well over 1/3. But, they are paying for 100% of my wedding – and they feel like this is their moment to shine and show off their daughter – so they really were in the right to have that many.

To work with their unexpected number, we have found creative work arounds For instance, how many of your guests are you giving a +1 to? Perhaps limit the +1s to long-term relationships, etc. Once we did that, we realized we had quite a few single friends. We will be seating our single friends together – so they feel more comfortable, and hopefully they have a blast together. Another work-around that we are doing to not make the place feel cramped, is we are having a “kids room” at our venue (with a babysitter). This way, the children have somewhere to hang out once they are done eating – which will clear up space in the main areas. Perhaps you can find a creative way to make it work?

Post # 5
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

If you want to have your own wedding your way, than pay for your own wedding. If you are going to take a handout from mommy and daddy, than you are basically in debt to them.

Post # 6
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I can see where Kittyachi is coming from though…I think that paying DOES give parents a good deal of input, and their opinions/wants should definitely be given a lot of weight, but I don’t think that paying for the wedding gives parents the right to do WHATEVER they want. I mean, at the end of the day, people are there to see the marriage of Kittyachi and her FI, not see a big party that represents her parents. I just hate the mentality of “the person who pays gets final say” because I think we’re all adults, and parents should be willing to compromise just as we should.

Post # 7
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I totally understand where you are coming from!!  My sister got married last year and it’s would have been easy for my mom to want to invite all of the same people, but my space is smaller and she’s awesome and she said she will just tell people that we’re keeping it really small.  It would be really hard to cut close friends of mine for friends of my mom…why do they care about your wedding anyway?  

And it’s hard to say you should just pay for it yourself, that’s really difficult…I hope you can work out some compromise (but let it cool off for a little while first).  I would suggest a “sugar-y” approach starting with “Thank you so much for helping pay for the wedding….”

Post # 9
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Okay regardless of who is right and wrong here, I really think that you need to take a deep breath. Swearing and getting ANGRY will not help your cause at all. Maybe you could try a calmer tactic like CALMLY explaining to her that your venue/budget has certain limits and that it is really important to you to have x people because of y. Explaining your reasoning and your limits is probably more effective than telling her she is f*cking things up for you.

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Here’s what I’d do–I’d pull up the chart the venue gave us and write in the people who are attending and literally say, “how are they going to fit? We can’t just make more tables”.

Otherwise I think your only option is to pull a handful of people to be a B group.

Your parents are paying, you’re kinda up a creek without a paddle if they want more people.

How many people are you talking? like 10 or so? Or literally like, 50? Is the venue capped or did you just want to make sure everyone’s allowed an even # for their guest list.

Post # 12
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

glad it worked out, and at least her friends will be the squished ones!

Post # 14
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Here’s to hoping your RSVP list is just enough for the ballroom!

Post # 15
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

lol ok then backup– cry! it works to get out of traffic tickets, maybe for family drama too? hehe

Post # 16
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would find it very hard to cut people that I am close to and want present at my wedding in order for my parents’ friends to be there. That being said, maybe approach your mom in a different way than “f-ing” the seated dinner (best said in your head than on paper…believe me, i know!)

on another note: ignore what dande is saying because after reading her post (she should probably figure out the difference between then & than…sorry that was rude of me) I went to look at a few of her previous posts and they are all attacks and snarky. I think she is just trying to stir things up!

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