Made a comment…think I really pissed off DH!

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
7265 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m sorry he’s acting like an immature douchebag. He is acting really passive aggressive, and it’s not okay for him to be bad mouthing you to everyone! I think it’s time for a talk where you tell him how what he is doing makes you feel, and probably couples therapy.

Post # 4
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

His comments are unacceptable. Is he always like this, especially in front of other people? It’s not ok. You seem to have pissed him off over something and instead of talking about that, he’s taking it out on you like a little kid. Tell him to grow up and tell you what’s bothering him and that it’s not ok to talk to you like that in front of other people.

Post # 5
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

He’s behaving like a child. Never acceptable and always particularly rude in the presence of other people. Is he usually like this?

Post # 6
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Woah! Calling you out in front of other people is not okay. Has he always done that, or is it a new thing?

Post # 7
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

Sorry he’s being a dick.

But also why are you running around and planning a trip that he wants to take at the last minute?  He demands a trip last minute, he can plan it.

A partner should boost you up, not bring you down.  He shouldn’t tell you that other people don’t like you.  There is no benefit other then making himself feel good, while tearing you down.

Be careful of this type of behaviour.

Post # 8
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would be hurt and borderline furious at his continued rude behavior. It’s time to lay it all out and talk to him like the PPs said. He’s probably embarassed about what you said to him about his “alone” time and he’s acting like a child. I know your ILs were very uncomfortable. He really needs to get over himself.

Post # 9
Member
3341 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

He is being a mega douche. Stand up for yourelf, lady! Sure you hace to pick your battles but he’s gotta know it’s NOT okay to treat you that way !

Post # 10
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

@texasbee:  I recall some of your earlier posts about communication issues with your DH– and this just seems to be an extension of a problem that you two seem to have. It sounds so cliche to continue giving advice centered around communication, but that is the crux of 99.9% of marital problems. 

Yes, he was a giant asshole for dragging your problems out to dinner and put them on display for the IL’s to see and for his coworkers to see. I remember a thread where this exact scenario was played out, except with some mutual friends you all shared. This emotional blackmailing that he does, where your issues now become fair game and exposed to the masses so that he can make a point, needs to stop ASAP if you want to have a healthy marriage. I cannot think of anything more infuriating in a disagreement than having it showcased to family/friends and I cannot think of something more unpleasant for a dinner date than sitting across from a couple that is passive agressively taking digs at each other all night. 

My honest suggestion, taking other posts about your DH into consideration, is to consider marital counseling. I don’t throw that around lightly, because it looks like this a cycle and what you’ve described is just a small snippet of what really goes on (which only you know). It must be emotionally draining to always feel like you’re battling your spouse, and i would say at this point, it may be time for a professional to intervene and see if y’all can’t seriously start working together as a team.

 

Post # 11
Member
9253 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Mrs_Amanda:  +1.

@texasbee:  Oh, hon …  I’m really starting to not like this guy, lol.  You just don’t deserve to continually be treated like this!  Wtf is his problem?!

Post # 14
Member
9253 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@texasbee:  The trip thing bugs me, too.  I mean, really, he wanted to go, but you’re the designated “travel agent?”  Why couldn’t HE have made the arrangements? 

My husband always plans out our trips, makes all the arrangements and reservations, pays for everything, drives me there – it’s so low stress  for me.  Every. Single. Time.  He says all I have to do is look beautiful and get in the car; and he takes it from there.  You deserve to be treated that way, too.

Post # 15
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

@texasbee:  It sounded similiar so I figured they were the same people. I am sure you love your DH, a lot. However; the fact the he is a known jerk to people, is a huge turnoff. I will preface the rest by saying I am married to a pretty gruff guy. He isn’t always a man of many words, but when he does speak– he says what is on his mind. Having a strong personality isn’t a bad thing, and admiring someone for their ability to  stand their ground against strong personalities isn’t bad, either. Different people make the world go round. 

 

What is concerning is just the immaturity in which his ( and yours, too– it does take two) reactions to being angry manifest itself. Who knows why he clammed up at dinner and acted out, and really… who cares? Being married to a man child and going through the cycles of him being mad, lashing out, you feeling/being victimized and like you can’t do anything right and then you make up and something triggers and it starts all over again is unhealthy. The whole basis of how you two argue needs to be rewired, or else it will just be miserable. It CAN be done, but it would take work from both of you and a committment from both of you that under no circumstances do you throw your spouse under the bus in front of other people. Ever.

 

Post # 16
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

He’s acting out because he probably already feels like a failure as a man due to his infertility issues. On top of that he knows your previous marriage ended because of infertility and maybe he fears losing you. Be very careful that any sex related comments you make have no hint of sarcasm or condescension because this is probably an ultra sensitive topic for him. This is something that affects everything, intimacy, communication, affection and his own self image… You’re going to have to choose your words very wisely.

Not justifying his behavior; just giving an opinion about why he may be reacting this way.

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