- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I honestly would tell her about your feelings and step down as her MOH. Tell her you don't think you can fairly give her what she wants without having a lot of resentment towards her, and you'd rather just witness her day as a guest than be involved in it. I also would not go to her engagement party. If you want to keep the peace, send a small gift with a nice card saying you're sorry you can't make it and wish her well.
I'm sorry she was so awful to you. She clearly has some issues to work out.
I think she definitely has some issues to work out indeed. I had a friend like that when I was a lot younger: somehow I was tricked into thinking we were friends just because we knew each other in secondary school and that it was normal for her to see everything as a competition and for everything to go her way. It was only when she moved town and I made other close friends that I realized friendship should be nothing but enriching and effortless. A decade on and I only surround myself with people like that.
It sounds like you're ready to move on from this friendship (okay, well, you explicitly stated that, so it's not like I'm psychic!). I would normally support giving people another chance, but if she's always been this way it isn't likely she will change easily. Just make sure it's not specifically ONLY wedding-related animosity that you're basing your decision on.
As for how to tell her, well, perhaps you can do what another poster suggested and send her a small gift for her wedding/engagement and explain that you don't think you will be able to take on the responsibility of MOH or BM. If she probes, maybe cite the stress you went through with your own wedding and tell her thai you don't think a repeat of that would be in the best interests of either of you. I am in no real position to judge, but I can only imagine what things will be like when she's the one holding the wedding reigns based on what happened last year.
And try not to worry about what your mutual friends will think. If you've known them longer and you see them fairly frequently and they ask, just explain the situation as passively and maturely as possible. If they know her like you do, I am sure they won't think you are being entirely unreasonable. As for everyone else in your life that you care about, of course they are going to support you.
I'd be honest at this point. It doesn't sound like this girl has any redeemable qualities to hold out for a friendship anyway.
Honesty is the way to go.
Also, say a little prayer for her soon-to-be-husband. Not only is she "that girl" that has engagement parties, but she is "that girl" that had to threaten a man to convince him to marry her! Pity!
I have a maid of dishonor too. I cut her out of my life and feel like a heavy weight has been lifted. You don't owe her a thing. Be honest with her and tell her how you feel. I wouldn't feel guilty about letting this one go.
This one is a classic frien-o-my. Some people can never not be in the spot light. I wouldn't want to go to her engagment party or be in the position to throw her a bacheloretter party either.
@asparr11: the friendship has just run its course.
i'd just be honest about why you dont want to be her moh or her friend. this way you wont have to invest anymore emotions, time, or money.
be get ready to explain why/what's going on with the friends that will continue to be her friend and will choose to go to her wedding. this way theyll have both sides of the story. there may also be backlash--they may not understand your deep rooted history, and may see you as selfish--stepping down. id do it sooner than later so she can find a new moh.
This topic has been closed to new replies.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Rojocameo | 16 |
| Rivendeler | 15 |
| Suikerbossie | 9 |
| Future Mrs K | 8 |
| ellisrobertson | 8 |
| lionskitty | 7 |
| keranos | 7 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 7 |
| janetsnakehole | 6 |
| shychigirl | 6 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| lionskitty | 1 |
| Futuremrscz | 1 |
What to say...
My maid of "honor" or dishonor rather never wanted to get married, until the day I got engaged. From that point forward it was nothing but a competition - an incessant comparison of her relationship to everyone else's. There really aren't words for how awful the things she said and did were.
I wanted to have an engagement party, she said "don't be one of those girls who has an engagement party."
She didn't want to throw me a bridal shower, so she didn't.
The bachelorette party barely happened... it was only a few weeks after a horrific weekend camping trip where she tyrannized the group of three couples and complained about everyone - and insulted my fiance and me the entire time.
That trip was the point where I realized, I need to kick her out of my wedding: uninvited.
But I didn't want to create "more" drama, so I tried to just let it go.
Should have listened to my intuition.
We wed in July, and the only part I regret about my day is her presence.
A few months after, she gave her boyfriend an ultimatum, "I won't be going to any holiday family gatherings as your girlfriend." A final message that he better propose before Christmas - at least. He proposed on the Monday before Thanksgiving (LOL). Poor guy.
Now, of course, I am supposed to be her MOH. And guess what? She wants me to go to her engagement party next Saturday. Yes. She is one of "those" girls.
I so want to avoid this engagement party, and cut her out of my life entirely.
I realized through all of this that there have been so many instances prior (for years!) where she made it clear that she is not a friend - and I will never see her as one again. The only trouble is, one couple that are mutual friends (who I introduced her to)... and I don't want to look bad to them.
That's the only thing I need help with. She ruined much of my joy during my engagement and a good part of my wedding day - I know I am done with her. How do I end it and not look like the bad guy now that she is engaged and it looks like I am abandoning her when she needs me?