Post # 1
Bees, I am now a happily married woman! Unfortunately, my wedding weekend ended up turning into a nightmare. Long story short, my maid of honor who has been one of my close friends for almost 10 years ended up going off the deep end the night before the wedding and insulted and verbally attacked almost everyone in my wedding party at a group dinner including my bridesmaids, brother and mother and father. The worst part is she doesn’t “claim” to remember saying any of the horrible things she said to everyone. She mentioned that she was on an antibiotic that had possibly mixed with the three glasses of wine that she had but other then that she has no explanation for acting like a crazed maniac that night. She was very apologetic, but unfortunately the things she said can’t be taken back and I really have no desire to be around her for awhile. Things were so uncomfortable that I ended up spending the night with my fiance at his hotel instead of with my maid of honor. On my actual wedding day I tried to not think about what happened the night before but every time my Maid/Matron of Honor came to ask me if I needed anything I could feel my anger towards her boiling up and it really did make me sad and uncomfortable for part of the day.
I don’t want to let this isolated incident ruin our friendship, but the incident was so severe I can’t help but wonder if I need to re-evaluate what kind of a friend she is. All those who witnessed her behavior were shocked, mortified and outraged. Most of my other bridesmaids told me they will no longer be friends with this girl regardless of what I chose to do. My family who also always thought very highly of my maid of honor lost total respect for her and was very hurt she insulted and attacked our family for no reason. I can’t imagine how bad and embarrassed she must be feeling about this whole thing, but at the same time she did damage to my family by the rude things she said that can’t be taken back or forgotten.
I need some unbiased advice on how I should approach the “clean up” of this situation going forward – please help!!
Post # 3
@sal5011: I don’t think there is anything else for you to do to “clean up” the situation. Your MOH’s erratic behavior isn’t your fault; I’m sure your family and friends will understand that you ahd no control over her actions. If you want, you can do a simple apology and leave it as that. This way it doesn’t give people the opportunity to question you of your choice of Maid/Matron of Honor. Yes, you choose her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor but who knew that she would behave so abhorrently?
I’m so sorry this happened! *hugs*
Post # 4
Post # 5
I think your Maid/Matron of Honor should write genuine, heartfelt apology letters to everyone she insulted. It won’t make up for what she did and the effect it had on your wedding festivities, but I think most people will be able to begin putting it behind them if she expresses herself honestly, and it is clear that she is apologetic and embarrassed. She really shouldn’t try to blame the whole incident on alcohol, though, it will come off as a hollow excuse.
Post # 6
Well, I’m sorry that this happened and it turned something really fun into a little bit of an awkward moment…that lasted 24 hours….I guess it would depend on her track record, if she’s an erratic freak who just gets it over with and spews venom randomly, you are well rid of her, try not the let it mar the great memories of your wedding…however, seeing how you asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor and all, I would bet that she’s been a pretty awesome friend over the years, and as strange as this incident may sound, I tended bar for a couple of years and I have seen liquor plus meds create some rather unprecidented behavior. It’s not an excuse, but it does explain it, also, wines are complicated and varied by region and house, she could have been really allergic to something in that wine and not even realized it…which could be a contributing factor. So, all things considered, it was BAD form, but totally redeemable…if it were me, I think space is the best medicine for both of you right now…you wait until your done being angry about it before you talk to her, because I’ll bet she’s mortified to hear what she did, especially since she doesn’t remember, at all….and really wants to apologize, so make sure your both in the best place for that to happen successfully….I know it was your wedding, but it’s also your life, don’t throw away a good friend cause she chugged some funky wine and went to the zoo….
This actually happened to me, not at a wedding, but I’m really allergic to a certain ingredient in a champagne…hubby and I split a bottle…all I remember is brushing my teeth to go to bed, woke up the next morning sleeping under the piano with him in a puzzling state of undress…don’t remember a thing about the entire night!
Post # 7
Do you think that there are some pent up issues between the two of you that may need addressing? Her behavior is inexcusable no matter what the motivation, but I wonder if it might be useful to talk to her about what’s really going on. That is, if you see value in salvaging the friendship.
Her apology is half the battle–a frank conversation is the only way to go forward with clarity and forgiveness.
Post # 8
I’m sorry that you had to go through this. I understand that everyone has bad days, but she should not have chosen the days near your wedding! If she is/was a good friend then hopefully you can just be direct with her and tell her what she said that hurt you and others. Hopefully she will believe that she did/said those things and apologize immediately. With a sincere apology, maybe you can forgive her and move on. Without an apology I wouldn’t bother. Maybe there is something else going on with her that you were not aware of and hopefully she has a good explanation and you two can move past this. Good Luck!
Post # 9
@orangefairy: Hi bees! Since I wrote this post I reached out to my maid of honor to ask her for a better explanation of why she did what she did so we could both move on. Unfortunately, she is claiming she doesn’t remember saying any of the things she said or doing the things she did and has no idea why she would do what she’s being accused of. I’m not quite sure if she really believes she did what she did, but there were multiple witnesses who witnessed it all go down so I know I’m not exageratting what happened.
Several of my friends had the thought that she showed characteristics of having a manic depressive episode that night. Maybe we don’t know if she has been on medication for something for serious. So, I told her I was concerned about her and suggested she might talk with another friend, her family or even a professional. She told me she is happy and content with her life.
I feel like this is all I can do right now and it’s best for her and I to just go our seperate ways for awhile.